Monday, April 17, 2017

5 Tips for Being A More Confident, Positive Mom {GIVE AWAY DAY}

I am so excited to share with you today 5 Tips for Being a More Confident, Positive Mom written by my dear friend Tracie Miles. I gained so much from reading Tracie’s newest book, Unsinkable Faith: God-Filled Strategies for Transforming the Way You Think, Feel and Live that I wanted to share with you today just a bit of the wisdom Tracie offers in it.

5 Tips for Being a More Confident, Positive Mom

 

Although all three of my children are now college age, I vividly remember “those days” when grumpy teenager syndrome seemed to permeate every ounce of air in our house.

 

Those days when I would find myself hiding away in my closet and eating oreos, as if nobody was looking for me. Those days spent praying for the supernatural ability to be a happy mom and a positive role model for my kids – instead of a bug-eyed, short tempered, crazy hot mess of a mom who was at wits end with dealing with hormones, social lives, wardrobe crises and rules being broken.

 

The happy days certainly outweighed the trying days with my precious bundles of joy turned semi-grownups, but nonetheless, those trying days could not only be emotionally trying, but could zap a positive attitude quicker than one could say “you’re grounded”.

 

Before my son and two daughters hit the teen years, I used to think sleepless nights with infants, daycare issues and nursing sick kids for months was the epitome of exhaustion…. but I’ve since learned that the burden of emotional exhaustion far exceeds even the worst case of physical exhaustion. Being a parent can be downright tiring, no matter how we treasure our little or big bundles of joy. No matter how much love our kids, we can still experience those days when negativity and pessimistic thoughts seem to rock our world, making us want us to throw in the towel, succumb to defeat, or maybe run away and escape to a private island for a few days.

 

It’s easy to let the struggles of being a parent drain our positive outlooks and attitudes, while squelching our ability to feel joyful and happy, much less peaceful and optimistic.  Whether we are struggling with toddler tantrums and diaper changes, or teenage social plans, peer pressures and busy schedules, being a mom can sometimes make it feel impossible to keep a positive attitude. But embracing a positive attitude is a choice we all have the power to make, despite what season of life we find ourselves immersed in.

 

Below are a few tips I to help you embrace a life of positive thinking and be equipped to stand strong the next time a strong wave negativity rolls in:

 

  1. Know that you can never love too much.Spoiling a child with too many ‘things’ is something we might want to avoid, but we can never spoil a child with too much love. Whether girl or boy, children need love. Whether girl or boy, children need hugs, kisses, attention and compassion. Whether small or grown, kids need love, because it’s the basis for their lives and how their self confidence. Don’t worry about spoiling your daughter by loving them too much, or making your son less masculine if you shower him with love.  God is love, and He calls us moms to be love too – even when the kids are not being lovable. If someone tells you you’re spoiling your child by being too loving or attentive or caring about their feelings, ignore the advice and do what your heart tells you. You may not feel like the perfect parent, or buy them every thing they want, or be able to be at every ballgame or dance recital, but you can always make sure they know how important they are to you and that they are loved unconditionally.

 

  1. Allow yourself to live and learn. They don’t say parenting is a journey for no reason. With each passing year, we learn a little bit more about how to be a better parent and effectively raise our children to the best of our ability. What we did with our first child, we may or may not do with our last, because we’ve lived and learned some lessons. Give yourself some grace when you mess up, recognizing that each parenting experience, good and bad, is a learning one.

 

 

  1. Tune out the voices of criticism.From the moment you swaddle your newborn infant, to the first day your teenager asks to go out on a date, people will be full of advice. Sometimes the advice is valid and helpful, while other times it may be overbearing, intrusive and critical.  The trick is learning to filter the advice we receive with our own gut feelings, appreciating the advice but determining what works best for us and always running our decisions by God in prayer.  Just because we may disagree with someone’s advice or parenting style, doesn’t make their ways wrong, or our ways wrong. It just makes us different.

 

Our kids are just that – our kids. Although we can seek advice from others and respect suggestions from other moms or trusted resources, what is most important is that we recognize God gave us our specific kids for a reason, knowing that we have been equipped in unique ways to raise them.  We may not be an expert in raising someone else’s child, but we are the expert in raising our own, and believe that can help us have confidence for those trying days. We know our child better than anyone else, including their emotional and physical needs, strengths, weaknesses, talents, soft spots and trigger points.  So making decisions based on our gut feelings, our Christian beliefs and mommy intuitions should always be our first priority. Trust that God has equipped you to be the mom your child needs and will give you the wisdom to carry out the task of motherhood.

 

  1. Focus on what you’re doing right, instead of what you feel you’re doing wrong. It’s easy to get hung up on our imperfections as parents – like those times when we left our baby crying in the crib longer than we should because we were tired. Or the time when we punished our toddler for spilling milk because our frustration got the best of us. Or when we lost our temper and yelled words in anger when our teenager spoke to us disrespectfully because we were already having a bad day.  We all mess up at times, but most likely, our parenting successes far outweigh our mess ups.  Give yourself a break and focus on all the good things you do for and with your kids, instead of the few times you fall prey to being human. Think positive about yourself, and that optimism and confidence will equip you to help your children learn to think positive about themselves too.

 

  1. Don’t compare yourself to other moms.It’s hard not to do this, especially when you see a mom who lost all her baby weight, manages to keep her kids under control in the grocery store, and keeps them all dressed in matching outfits and bows that might possibly be too big for an adult head, much less a small child’s. It’s hard not to, when you see a mom who seems to have perfect teenage kids, who attend bible study every week and never get into trouble.  But everything about parenting is a package deal. No mom goes through this journey of parenting without her own set of mess-ups, struggles, successes and failures. Even moms who seem perfect on the outside, struggle with insecurities and their own set of child rearing problems and frustrations too. Remember that if God thought enough of you to bless you with children to raise, whether you gave birth to them, adopted them, or have just taken them under your wing, He has also gifted you with the ability to a great job if you put your mind to it, and keep your heart tied to His. Comparison is the thief of joy, so don’t let the thief rob you of optimism and confidence in who you are as a person, and a mom.

 

  1. Be a positive thinking role model for your kids. You are the only mother your kids have, and you are the right person for the job.  When we love ourselves, we are better able to love others, including our children. When we focus on being positive thinkers, instead of letting negative thoughts rule our hearts and minds, that optimism exudes onto those we love most. Kids need confident moms, and our confidence comes from Christ and knowing that we are not only fearfully and wonderfully made, but loved, and gifted with the ability to be the mom our kids need. When we intentionally strive to not only be a positive role model for our children, but a positive thinking role model for our kids, we play a critical role in training their minds with the habit of thinking optimistically. And a habit of optimistic thinking sets their lives on the right path from the start.

 

 

Tracie Miles is a national Speaker and Author with the internationally known Proverbs 31 Ministries (www.proverbs31.org) and has spent the last eleven years inspiring women to live intentionally for Christ  In addition to Unsinkable Faith, she is also the author of two best selling books,  Your Life Still Counts: How God Uses Your Past To Create A Beautiful Future(2014) and Stressed Less Living: Finding God’s Peace In Your Chaotic World (2012).  Tracie has 3 children and lives in Charlotte, North Carolina.  

 

 

Today, I’m giving away a free copy of Unsinkable Faith to one of my readers! To be entered, please share which of Tracie’s five points is most helpful to you or simply say, “I’m in!” The winner will be announced May 1st.

With the purchase of at least one copy of Unsinkable Faith before April 29th, you can claim five free gifts worth $60.00! Visit http://www.traciemiles.com/for all the information and to learn how to claim your freebies.

**********This contest is now closed. The winner is Kim who posted at 4/18/17 at 10:35 a.m. Congratulations, Kim! ***************

 

 

 

Lynn

Comments

  1. Alyssa Hermonat says:

    I need more help and guidance in all 5 of these areas.

  2. Elizabeth Morey says:

    I deal with a blended family and my own daughter trys to cut me down, listening to my eex-husband. I would love to read this book.

  3. Donella Herring says:

    #3 really spoke to me. I am disabled raising an adult child with emotional disabilities. It’s tough always hearing how tough I need to be on him. This only increases both of our anxieties. I am God’s child and my son is God’s child. God entrusted me to be his mother and i trust Him to help me help my son be the man He wants him to be. I have a sensitive overly anxious son and when he acts out it’s because his anxiety reached his limits not that he is being disrespectful. I thank God a therapist finally pointed out Mom it’s not your fault nor his. We are learning new coping techniques adjusting to college life and adult life. Please pray for us. Thank you for sharing your beautiful talent and encouragement. God Bless You

  4. I’m in! I think they all speak to me – to be honest. Don’t compare yourself to other moms – I do this a lot – weight issues, the way I speak to my children, the looks I get – when they say – Mom, I love you? like a question – it is all hard – no one can say it is not – but I always think there is a better way and try to pray – but not enough…
    Thanks for this by the way!

  5. 6. Be positive…..

    This is an encouraging step!

  6. Kristi Stoutjesdyk says:

    #4 is a great reminder for me

  7. Nicci Ramirez says:

    #5!!! YEP!!! Thank you!!!!

  8. Heather Dillman says:

    #4 for me! Thank you!

  9. I’m sharing this! Awesome reminders. Am in the teen/preteen years and wow! Get me through these although I’m so not ready to shift them off to adulthood.

  10. Michelle G. says:

    #4 Focus on what you’re doing right, instead of what you feel you’re doing wrong.
    Be positive in your internal thoughts and that will flow with your external words.

  11. I’m in! (The whole thing was good!) 🙂

  12. Vijay Murugan says:

    4. Focus on what you’re doing right, instead of what you feel you’re doing wrong.- this one is definitely for me.

  13. My confidence in my parenting abilities is at a very low level. I have felt like a failure in my role as a mom for the past few months. And it seems to get worse. My youngest son tells me I am not a failure but it is hard to see it otherwise. I love all my kids and want nothing more to be close to them but so much of life seems to get in the way of us being close. It hurts so much.

  14. Maureen F says:

    #4 & #5 both hit home for me – so, so important!! Thanks!

  15. #3 (I’m in)

  16. I loved them all! But #1 made feel that I am doing something right and reminded me to keep it up as my 3 are starting to enter the tween and teen years. Thank you!

  17. The fact that God has equipped me to raise my children, and no one else’s, really resonated with me. He chose me to be my children’s parent!!

  18. I did love all of them!! They were all very encouraging and helpful.

  19. I like the post about confidence in Christ. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my entire life has been changed and I lost the faith and the confidence that I had in the Lord.

    Maggie

  20. #6 speaks to me most because my daughter can see me living out my life and my faith, but can’t always hear my thoughts. I need to make sure my thoughts are always centered on God and what he says about me so I can live that out better for my daughter.

  21. I’m in. To be a positive mom is what I need the most.

  22. I enjoyed this article andnrealize how much I compared myself to other moms when my boys were growing up. I see now that “comparison is the thief of joy” and not to dwell on my failures in my parenting. This article is full of great suggestions and wisdom to help a parent in the current role of raising children to be a glory to our Father.

  23. I love #1! You can never love your children too much! God loves us unconditionally and we must make sure our children know that and learn that because we love them unconditionally. Raising teens is hard work! 🙂 But there is so much joy in seeing them grasp the love of God.
    I really love this blog post and am printing out! Thank you for sharing!

  24. I’m in! Thank you!

  25. Cristine Grimes says:

    #6 resonates most with me as I sometimes tend to dwell on the negative too much and for too long. I love this article and am looking forward to purchasing the book. Thank you for sharing!

  26. “Focus on what you’re doing right, instead of what you feel you’re doing wrong.”

    Man. The Holy Spirit keeps reminding me of this and I’m so hard-headed! I’ve heard great things about his book and I definitely need to read it. Satan attacks me most in the area of my thoughts.

  27. Lee Ann Walker says:

    I’m in! #5 was great (all of them were) – this particularly helped me as I adopted my kids (sadly, their birth mother passed way when they were young) & struggle sometimes with comparisons, etc. Thank you!

  28. I need to remember to be a positive role model for my children.

  29. #3 really hits home for me. As an “older” parent in a small town I get comments about things I do not let my boys do. Especially my special needs child. He is a bit delayed so we really try to work with him before we cut him loose on some things. i.e. football games We put our faith in God that we are doing what is right though. When a adult says – you have such nice boys, we know we did okay.

  30. Praise God! #4 , we definitely need to be careful not to be too hard and too critical on ourselves as parents and just enjoy parenting our precious children and lifting them up in prayer to Our Heavenly Father, keeping them covered in prayer. Continue to ask for wisdom and with the help of the Holy Spirit for patience and how to love and how to teach our children the way Father has instructed us to in His Holy Word. Amen!!!

    I’m IN!

  31. 4—need to stop comparing!!!

  32. #6 is the one I really strive to achieve…not only for myself but for my children. I want to speak and be a positive beacon so that my children will view life from a positive standpoint. God is good everyday and everyday God is good!
    I Am In!

  33. I was always comparing myself to other moms. It’s good advice that God made us who we are for our specific kids. Just like all kids are not the same, neither do we moms need to be either. These were a lot of great points!

  34. I’m in! Would love the opportunity to read this book!

  35. I like 5 and 6. I have been working on changing my thinking and this book has been a great inspiration. I’d love to pass a copy on to my sister. Thank you Lynn for sharing Tracie’s story and inspiration.

  36. #5 Not comparing how it is with you and your children to others. I have 4 grown children. I do remember finally coming to the realization that having 4 children vs 2 children made a lot of difference. I wanted to do everything that these moms did but in reality I was not able to . When I finally accepted that it made a big difference. We are all created uniquely by our Creator. Enjoy your children at every stage of their lives.

  37. #1. Sometimes we try so hard to toughen them up that we forget to just love on them.

  38. Maddy Ramirez says:

    #5 really spoke to me. I always compare myself to other moms. I don’t know if it’s because my mother always used to compare me to my cousins as I was growing up, and boy, did I hate that!!! Yes, definitely, this is the one that most got to me. Thanks everyone and have a blessed day!!!

  39. #5 is the one that spoke to me the most. I have 2 young adult sons and one is graduating from college this year. I find myself comparing where he is compared to friends’ children. Which in turns gets me comparing my parenting to their parenting. UGH!!

  40. Thank you so much. Just what I needed to be reminded of today as I’m struggling and all 5 points were essential, but #4 and #6 are what I need to focus on to keep myself going. I’m in.

  41. I’m in! Although I have no biological children, the Lord blessed us with many nieces and nephews and I loved them the best I knew how to; today, most of them are grown, several are married and having babies. Thankfully, they want us to be a part of their lives so we continue to love them, speak truth into their hearts, walk through their ups and downs, accepting them where they are. #1 would be the one point for us!

  42. Patricia Swayne says:

    #6Spoke to me most of all. Being positive for your children because my children grew up with a father who was physically and mentally ill,who they never knew from one day to the next whether they were going to wake up and find out that he had passed away in the night. Whether his mood was going to be loving or mad at the world. It was very hard on my children and myself to deal with this. But I always had to have a positive attitude showing them that each day brought us a blessing that God had allowed us to love him no matter how things were. They grew up knowing how to love someone no matter how that person acted or what was wrong with the person there was a blessing to be found in being understanding and caring about them. There were days it was very hard to find anything positive about the day but with pray and Jesus teaching we all managed to get by. Their father passed away years after they were grown but I am proud to say my children grew into wonderful adults. Each one loving God and trusting him and Jesus with all their hearts. Today’s devotion of Tracie’s is right up the alley for all moms old and young. Just follow them and put your faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and God and you will have wonderful children. I am all in. Would love to win this book to read and pass on to my daughter in law since she is raising my small grand sons.

  43. Susan Milillo says:

    I really like ‘You can never love your kids too much’!

  44. Mary Conner says:

    I’m in! Number 4 is the one that I need to focus on.

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