3 Questions to Ask to Overcome Fear-Driven Parenting

“Fear has gripped my life more times than I’d like to admit.

It is a powerful emotion that tends to rob me of my peace, my opportunities, my witness and my relationships—especially with my eldest son.”

I’m so glad you’ve joined me here today! My guest is Micca Campbell, author and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Micca’s purpose is to point others to Jesus until He is their all-consuming hunger. When He becomes our Life, our life becomes everything we’ve longed for and more.

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“When Mitch was an infant, I lost my husband and he lost his dad to a tragic accident. As a single mom, I quickly became a fear-driven parent. Afraid he might die young like his father, I hovered over him and tried to control every aspect of his life. As he grew, my controlling behavior drove a wedge between my son and me.

I believed I was protecting him. He thought I didn’t trust him.

One evening after Mitch began to drive, I woke from sleep to the ring of my phone around midnight. Mitch was on the other end.

“I’m ok, I think. I’ve been in an accident.” He explained in a shaky voice. My heart began to pound with anxiety. My worst nightmare was hitting too close to home.

Mitch had fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed into a guard rail on the highway, smashing his car into rubble. He should have been killed, but he didn’t have one scratch on his body. The policeman on site spoke of how lucky he was.

“Son, if I were you I’d go to church and thank God for your life. It’s nothing less than a miracle you walked away from this accident alive. God must have an awesome plan for your life” the policeman said.

The next morning, we drove to the junk yard to retrieve Mitch’s belongings left in his demolished vehicle. While Mitch went into the shop to let the employee know we arrived, I waited in the car. Glancing over the junk pile of totaled cars, I spotted Mitch’s Volkswagen and my eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

Drying my eyes, I noticed the date of the wreck was painted across the busted windshield in bold orange paint. It was the same date my husband died 18 years earlier.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. Was God sending me a message to relieve my fears? I believe so!

As I considered the date of the accident and the words of the wise policeman, I became convinced God had a different plan for my son than he had for my husband.

One day, while reading Psalms 139:16, the pieces came together.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

God was speaking to my heart. According to this verse, God had already determined the days of my son’s life. It didn’t matter what Mitch was doing, death had no say over him until the “number of his days, ordained by God, are complete.” The accident solidified this truth. And, my reality changed as I acknowledged, I’m not the giver of life. That’s God’s job. For the first time in a long time, I could relax and breathe.

To ease my anxiety, I developed a series of questions to ask myself. These questions were designed to help me determine if my fear was rational or not.

Is the activity my child wishes to participate in harmful to him/her spiritually? If not, I must say, “Yes.”
Is the activity age appropriate? If so, I say, “Yes.” If not, I say “No.”
Could the activity become dangerous in any way? This one can be slippery because anything can become dangerous. Therefore, I go back to question #2 and evaluate if he/she are matured enough to handle the situation should something become hazardous.

You may think, “That’s normal parenting.” Exactly! But a fear-driving parent needs guidelines to help us determine if our fear is real or imaginative.

Choosing to trust God over my anxious thoughts brought healing to my relationship with my son. This is how I have gained unshakable confidence. Choosing faith over fear has brought a sense of stability and peace I had longed for. I’ve learned battling anxiety is a matter of trusting God’s faithfulness one day at a time. This is my now place of peace.”

Could you use some help in moving past your fears in 2018? Make Your Move: Finding Unshakable Confidence Despite Your Fears and Failures is the resource to help you to do that! Get your copy here!