3 Things Your Child Should Never Say
Time after time I’ve watched the news, feeling sad. Bullying has taken another life.
But when the shooting tragedy happens down the road, the school that the one our church kids go to … the sadness is closer to home.
Pushing my cart through the aisles, I watch others.
It feels is as if nothing happened at 7:15 a.m. Nobody looks as if another young life has been snuffed out; our community robbed of a life that was meant to impact others. His was a life God created for great things, but that will never happen. Maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t watch the news.
The cashier asks, “How’s your day?”
I respond respond honestly. “Sad.”
“Because it’s Monday?” she asks.
If only that was the reason…
“No, because a student has been shot and killed at Butler High School.” I say as I try to hold back the tears.
The reason for this tragedy? “…the shooting began as a bullying incident that had gone out of control.”
Bully; a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person
who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
Friends, ending these tragedies begins with us at home; teaching our children to have compassion, empathy, love, and sympathy for smaller, weaker people, those who have no voice.
So we teach and we model this compassion. Proverbs 31:8 says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.” NLT
Three things we, and our children, should never say:
- It’s not my problem.
According to Proverbs 31:8, we’re to make it our problem if someone needs us speak up for them.
2. I didn’t want to say anything.
In interviews with the students at the school, many said they knew something was going to happen today … but they didn’t tell anyone. Maybe if someone had, a young man would have died. We must be brave and speak up!
3. I was afraid to speak up.
Fear can be a good thing … when we fear God. With God’s strength, we can brave, choosing to obey God more than we fear people.
We need to have these conversations with our kids if we are going to see real change happen. Often our kids are afraid of being misunderstood.
“Sometimes we’ll have feelings and fears others won’t understand. Often they can’t because they are not you. Feeling misunderstood can make us feel less confident. Is there something wrong with me?
When we don’t feel understood, we can feel alone. God tells us then, even when others don’t get us, He will. He made us, so we aren’t weird or quirky to Him. We’re just like He made us to be.” – Brave Beauty, chapter 86, No One Gets Me
Let’s empower our children to not only be brave enough to be themselves, but brave enough to stand up for others as well.
Hi, have you ever thought about writing a book for boys? I know boys also go through, bullying and feeling insecure of themselves. Just a thought.
Thanks for the idea, Patty! I have had people ask me about writing for boys over the years. At this point, I haven’t felt called to write for boys. With each of the books I have written, I have responded to a specific calling that I have felt from the Lord – either for women or girls. If He would ask me to, I would say yes. 🙂
When my daughter was in school and being bullied the principle told me it was a social issue and not a school issue. Bullying has to stop, if not at home, then at school, but with no disciple in our schools, how?
Diane – that is a painful response when a parent is trying to get protection for their child. I don’t agree with the principle. When child are at school up to 8 hours a day, school and their social lives become one. While I can see why teachers want to focus on what they feel called to do – teach – unfortunately these problems go with the job title. My sister is a teacher and I know that it is a very, very difficult and underpaid position. You know the saying “it takes a village”. Like all problems, it has to be addressed from every angle on every level. As parents, we can begin with modeling for our kids how to live – with love, compassion, empathy and sympathy. We can call them out when they are not being like Christ. When the time is appropriate, we can get involved in changing policies and laws to help our children help themselves and see the horrible damage that is taking place as a result of bullying.
I know all three of my children have suffered from it and it leaves lifelong ramifications.
Lynn, You are right. We need to tell our children to stand up for others. My daughter felt intimidated by a boy in school, but only mentioned it once. We spoke to his parents, and they responded very positively. Nothing else was ever said. My daughter graduated 8 years ago, and is now saying the intimidation went on after his parents were informed. My advice to others would be: don’t stop asking questions about such incidents.
I was just thinking of this the other day, Ann. Sometimes as parents, we ask the right questions and take the right steps at first. But one regret I have is not going back and revisiting the trouble spot often. I know in my own life, troubles don’t just go away. They take intentional steps, usually done over and over again. I wish I had thought of that when my kids were growing up.
Keep asking loving questions (not the same as pestering); show your loving concern for their well-being.
Lynn, thanks for sharing. I hope some day you write a book for boys also. This world is becoming a harder place for teens as they cope with all new issues that the older generation didn’t even know existed. Technology has exposed them to many good things but also a lot of negative things that parents are often not aware even aware of.
I completely agree, Betty!
Here are a couple of great resources for investing in the lives of boys:
For Dads: https://www.championtribes.com/new-homepage
For Moms: https://www.themobsociety.com