Recently I received an email. It wasn’t the first of it’s kind:
“I’m not even sure where to begin; I don’t know how we got here. My son who has been raised all his life in the church, has decided he is gay. She knows how her dad and I feel about this. I just don’t have any idea what to do…..”
I’m sorry to say that this situation is very common; whether you’re a Christian family or not.
We are raising our children in a time of no absolutes. Most of life, for a teen, is a haze of gray matter where right and wrong are based on how I feel; what seems good to me and for me.
All of us experience at one time or another love gaps in our lives. I share my experience with this in “His Revolutionary Love”:
“For some of us, the abasence of a father – or the lack of his love – can make the hole in our hearts even bigger. As a very quiet man, my dad had a hard time showing love. I knew he loved me, but he wasn’t home much, nor was he affectionate. Every day I saw him work so hard to provide for my family; I know those actions proved his love for me, but I longed to hear it. Yet he never said those four little words: “I love you, Lynn.” It wasn’t until I was no longer the little girl who wanted to crawl up in his lap that I heard him say those words.
Just when I finally felt his love and he voiced the words that I had always longed to hear – ‘I’m proud of you” and “I love you too” – just then, he died. This left a huge hole in my heart. but my father, even if he had been the perfect dad, would never have been able to fill me up. God didn’t create him to fill that hole. Love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts. Only Jesus can.”
Friends, yes homosexually and bi-sexuality is rampant in our high schools. Really, though, isn’t this just another false hole filler? Aren’t they all the same…food, sex, stuff…they all medicate in the same way – incompletely.
Be aware that this type confusion is very common at this age. Be prepared to share with a teen in your world that just because he experiences confusion about his sexual orientation, it does not make him gay – it makes him confused. The sense of wanting to be wanted can created a pull so strong that even those things that are unnaturl become attractive.
Be conscience that the teens in your world are watching you tensely. Isyour faith real? Does it really bring peace? Is there such thing as marriages that work; husbands and wives that truly put their spouses first and love their families? In their hearts they are asking: “Give me one good reason why….”
As we model, through our lives, love. Love with no judgement. Love with no strings attached. Love in a way that gets down in the dirt and gets messy right with them. Do the opposite of what they expect; accept them. Like Jesus writing in the dirt with the women who was caught in adultery, embrace them. Defy their expectations of rejection with unconditional love that sees beyond the sin to see the person Jesus created. It’s the only way they’ll believe that Jesus’ love is real; it the only way truth shines through the haze of confusion.