Shame Off You {GIVE AWAY DAY}
Friends, today my guest is a new friend of mine, Denise Pass. I thought you would enjoy some wisdom from her new book Shame Off You: From Hiding to Healing.
Here’s Denise:
“The day started off well. You fixed a healthy breakfast, even had devotion time with your children and popped dinner in the crockpot. Then suddenly there you are smack dab in the middle of everyone’s parenting 101 drama location – the grocery store – and someone’s kid is giving their very best performance ever. Almost had you convinced, too. Only it was your kid—and you know better.
Everyone knows the protocol. Shame the parent. That’s right. Then shame the kid. The characteristic furrowed brow and judgmental stares around you heighten the pressure. You’ve got to do something. Anything.
As all eyes are on you to see what you are going to do, sweet glistens on your forehead and you try to come up with either a courageous, wise response or an escape plan. There is no winning this episode of histrionics brought to you by your child’s exhibition of flesh. Threats hissed underneath your breath are totally visible and audible to those around you and your kid probably knows that they are going to get their way because of the power of shame. Or not.
Shame might be a motivator to those who worry about the opinions of others, but a wise parent has learned that shame is not what matters most. Character is. But still the surrounding culture of shame can apply some significant pressure. How do parents parent their children without shame?
Skip the drama. And its shame.
Rather than joining in the heightened sense of drama created by our child and those around us, we can choose not to participate. That’s right. Be more mature. In a confident and firm tone, parents can take command of situations without caving. Even when the drama ensues. Instead of allowing the shame we feel to control us, we can courageously face the shame and examine it, instead.
What does this look like? It means we search for the root – the real cause of the sin/shame, and don’t just correct the surface behavior of our children or ourselves. We choose to bravely and confidently correct our children rather than pacifying their behavior to try and save face. Ultimately, we are choosing to help form their character and ours when we don’t heed shame’s voice and seek to parent from a place of honor. We are called to shape our children’s character for the glory of God—not for our glory.
When we are faithful to teach our children even when shame abounds, we leave the results to God and let go of any shame we feel for choices our children will make in the future, too. There is no shame when the motivation for our parenting is in seeking God’s glory. No longer gripped with the fear of other people’s judgement for our children’s behavior and our response, we simply love our children where they are at and give them the guidance they need, as well. Shame Off you, parents. Our parenting was never about us in the first place.”
Today, Denise’s publisher is giving away a copy of Shame Off You to one of my readers! To enter for an opportunity to win, simply say, “I’m in!” in the comments below. (If you are reading this via email, please go to my blog to post your comment by clicking here. We will randomly choose a winner on Thursday, October 4th and share those results here.
This giveaway is now completed. Our winner is Amber who posted on October 3rd at 7:09 p.m. Congrats, Amber!
Conference speaker, author, Christian CCM artist and worship leader, Denise Pass delivers a passionate, authentic message through “Seeing Deep Ministries”.
Denise’s message comes from her own personal experiences which have given her a heart of compassion to help heal others and point them to hope in God’s word. Denise is the author of Shame Off You, 31 Days to Hope Reinvented, and an award-winning songwriter.
The mother of five children whom she home educated, (4 in college), Denise lives near Fredericksburg, VA with her husband, works as an executive assistant and leads worship at her home church. You can find Denise’s books, music and podcast at: www.denisepass.com, a cozy place on the web where visitors find healing and grace.
I’m in ?
I’m in:)
I’m in
Oh, the comment at the end: “Your parenting was never about us in the first place”…so good! I remember feeling this way when my girls were younger. As they’ve gotten older and we really have raised all 3 in similar fashion- you realize they are all so different! What works for one may never work for the other and blaming yourself will never help anyone. I’ve just recently been reading a lot from a health and wellness ministry and it was the first time I heard the saying “Shame off you”… no wonder I was drawn to this. Such a great title and a much needed read!
Thank you so much, Shelley! It is so easy to waste so much time blaming ourselves, isn’t it? And the great irony is that we cannot take credit for how our kids turn out, anyway. God is so faithful to use our messy parenting to still shape our children all for His glory!
I’m in 🙂
So happy to see you here, Denise! Yes, shame was my worst enemy when my kids were little, and I lost the fight way too often. I’m trusting God to help me re-parent my adult sons as I live in the power of “shame off you!”
Thanks, Amy! Yay! Fun to see you here, as well! I smile when I consider my embarrassing moments as a mom when my kids were little. Oh my. And yet I marvel at the grace of God that is in us to enables us with the awesome privilege of raising our children and influencing them with the Gospel. What an honor. Always a work in progress with their hearts and ours.
Love this title, Denise, especially for moms. congrats on the release of your book!
Thanks a bunch, Kim! I am grateful beyond words for the testimonies I am hearing as the message of “Shame Off You” frees people, but also so grateful for what God did in my heart in the writing of the book, as well.
I’m in! ???❤️
Hi Amber, my random number picker chose number 5! Congrats! Please send me your full name and address and Denise’s publisher will get it right out to you!
I’m in☺
I’m in . My kudos do this to me often . Please give me some advice.
Kudos to your kiddos. 😉 The best advice I have followed is to get into God’s word together with my children. I also would buy devotionals for my kids (too many of them, evidently, lol), but it was a foundation for my children where they knew where to run when troubles come. Also, consistency is so very important (discipline and time in the word) – not perfection, but just getting before the LORD and having a regular schedule to help shape their character. God bless you in your parenting adventures! God is enough!
I’m in! Thank you for this timely reminder, much needed this week.
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I’m in! ALL the way in! I Love that your tag line “Shame Off You” not only leads to allowing ourselves grace in the face of our own insecurities, but also encourages us to lend grace to others in such situations; to give a kind word, a warm smile, an understanding “I know what you are going through, I’ve been there look” – AND a chance to pass along a little wisdom in the words, “Shame Off You! You should pick up this book I just read…”
I love this, LauraLee – ALL the way in! 🙂 We all need grace, don’t we? I love looking at shame through the biblical lens of truth, humility and grace. We can examine shame without being put off by it. And God is greater than any shame we face in this life. <3
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I’m In!
“I’M IN”
I’m in!!!
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Thank you.
I’m in!!
Congratulations Denise on your book!!! Great title. I’m in. ~Lisa~
Thanks a bunch, Lisa!
I’m in!
Oh Shame- sneaky overwhelming shame before I know it I’m wrapped up in it and I’d it wasn’t for the Lord’s strength I would get sucked into it more often then I do! I love that reminder our parenting is not about us and it’s about building character in our children! Thanks so much for this reminder- can’t wait to read the rest of the devotional! I’m in!
Hi there, Daisy!
You are so right – shame IS sneaky and interwoven in the culture around us. What is really awesome is when our children also start to recognize shame in their lives and learn how to walk in the freedom of a culture of honor instead.
I’m in!
I’m in! I want to know what she did in the grocery store! ☺️
LOL – which time?! There were some times where my face was so hot and red that I prayed for the rapture. Oh, the younger me. Wish I had the book “Shame Off You” then. But even then there were times when I went to prayer and asked the LORD for wisdom. Those were the good times. Our God promises to give us wisdom if we will just ask – generously, without finding fault. Not caving to the demands of a young tyrant is hard, but it is possible. 🙂
I’m in
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I really love “to not parent from a place of honor….but for His glory”. Really puts things in perspective. Would love to read this book. Congrats and especially for all 4 of yours being in college!
Thank you, Meghan! It is such a constant thing to remind ourselves of, isn’t it? I can shrink back into the people pleasing persona in a moment where fear of man dictates my acceptance. But God is so gracious to pull us out of ourselves and to remind us about what really matters most. Living for His glory. While responding to these comments, I received two calls from two of my college kids – both sharing how they have had opportunities this week to disciple others. Wow. It is worth it all – even those mundane momma shameful moments. Our God is faithful!
I’m in!
I’m in !
I’m in! (thank you!!!God bless you!!!)
Great message Denise! Congrats on your book! 🙂
Thank you so much, Tracie! To God be all the glory! 🙂
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I’m in ❤️
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I’m in.☺
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I’m in ! This would be a great book to give to the parents of my grandchildren.
Yes! My kids are already leagues ahead of where I was at their age in the shame game. Understanding how shame operates is so needed for us to live a victorious, abundant life! Thanks, Betty!
I’m in!! This book would be great to give to a family member.
Thanks Denise and Lynn for the chance to win a copy.
Thanks, Julie!
I’m in. This books sounds just like what I need. I enjoy your blogs Lynn. Thanks for the chance to win.
I’m in!! 🙂
I’m in! (is it too late?)
I’m ALL in!!
Sooo good! I’m in!!
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I’m in!
Thank you Denise for sharing your wisdom with us! I am weak in the area you’ve written about and hoping to read your advice so I can become stronger in Christ! I’m in!!! Thank you for being generous!!! 🙂
In Christ,
Lynn
I’m in! Your words spoke to my heart Denise. This world encourages women to have such a self-focus, rather than a God focus. Shame will always enter the picture with this mindset, and Satan seizes every opportunity presented. As women, discipleship of our children is one of our greatest blessings – and responsibilities. Your words speak Truth: “We are called to shape our children’s character for the glory of God—not for our glory.” If this Truth penetrated each & every mother’s heart – what a wonderful legacy we would leave behind. One that points God, and His goodness, faithfulness & awesome love! Thank you for sharing! I can’t wait to read your book!
I’m in!
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Yessssss! Shame is not what matters most, character is! This is full of wisdom ! I need to get this for my daughter. Congrats on your book Denise! I’m in! ?
Meeeee I am SOOOOOO in 🙂
I’m in.