I received this question from a mom in our bloggy community:
I have a question about confidentiality. If your daughter tells you something and asks you not to tell anybody, would you tell your husband?
This is such a good and IMPORTANT question.
Secrets can either break apart or meld together.
When it comes to sharing information my kids know that if they tell me, I am going to tell Dad, because we are one. It’s the same when they have a request. when they ask one parent; they’ll get the same answer from the other parent.
My husband and I are a team. It’s not OK for my child to go to the other parents if one of us says “no”. Our answer is our answer. This united front makes our family stronger and gives our children a sense of security.
I want to model to my kids that good marriages are built on trust and honesty. Not only that, their Dad cares just as much as I do about the concerns in their lives.
Sometimes this means I am the one who tells Dad. Maybe I need to tell him alone to prepare him so he can be ready to respond. Maybe I can help him to have a soft answer so that the girls are not afraid to tell him things. Other times it is the opposite. On more than one occasion when I have been gone for a weekend, my husband shared with me things about the girls I didn’t know (including when one got her first kiss!)
Secrets between a husband and wife are just not a good thing. If you are asked to hold a secret from your husband, it can cause division between the two of you. That situation can never win.
Have you ever found yourself caught between a child’s secret and a spouse? How did you rectify the situation?