Wednesday Wisdom Tip: Stay in the Zone




The Friendship Zone

What should she do? She really likes him, but she just can’t tell. Does he like her? She should text? Send a tweet?

Here’s the advice I give my girls:

If this guy doesn’t have the courage or confidence to at least talk to you, he needs to get some! You can’t do it for him.

You can’t make him notice you. You can’t make him like you.

I know it may sound harsh, but I know it is true…only because I wasn’t too bright in high school.


When it came to guys I liked, so often it seemed like my relationships got stuck in the friendship zone. You want to be more or you think he wants there to be more but you’re just not sure. What’s a girl supposed to do when stuck? Not tell them you like them, that’s for sure!


God says “there is a season for everything.” Wait to see if this is the season for you to date this guy. Maybe it is; maybe it’s not. Don’t be in a hurry. Either way, God will let you know and the guy will let you know. There’s nothing worse than saying you like a guy, but he doesn’t like you back it. Once those words are out, you can’t put them back. It’s just not going to happen. So awkward if he doesn’t feel the same!

While you are in the friendship zone, enjoy it! There are a lot of great things  you can learn.

1)     You can learn how to communicate better with the guy. (They speak a different language you know!).

2)     You can figure out how they think (I can’t say I get how they think; it’s really different than us I do know that!).

3)     Work on learning to give and take in a relationship. (It’s more giving than getting.)

4)     Learn how to be unselfish (You’re going to need this one in every relationship in life)

Enjoy the friendship zone when you’re in it because once you start going out there is no going back; the relationship changes. This weird thing happens; pressure to act a certain way. You both will change somewhat.

Once you start dating, there are only two ways  a dating relationship can go; just two.

You’ll either get married or you break up.

If you get married, that’s amazing! If you break up, chances are you won’t be able to get back to the friendship you started with. Too hard. Too weird.

Don’t push it or rush into anything. Be wise with your next step. Should you even get out of the friendship zone? Ask yourself: could I see myself marrying this guy? You might say, “Come on! I’m only 13!” Well yeah…so was I!

If you can’t see yourself marrying this guy, do the wise thing. Stay friends, my friend!


Today I’m giving away a copy of my CD message, “Why Wait?” To enter to win, share an additional way your girl can learn about relationships while in the friendship zone. And always, if in a hurry, simply say, “I’m in!” I’ll announce the winner on Friday.



  1. Pray, and ask her Dad!

  2. Learn how to serve alongside the boy

    1. Melissa K says:

      Great advice! My husband & would benefit from this also.

  3. Christine D says:

    Learn & develop his and her own similar interests/ & hobbies.

  4. When she stays in the friendship zone, she is open to many friendships and can become aware of character qualities in a future mate. Also, the friendship zone does not pull her away from spending time with her girlfriends.

  5. Stacy Long says:

    Fantastic! Thanks for sharing. Teaching and training our boys to have courage and our girls to have patience – the delicate balance of self-esteem and humility for both genders!

  6. Great advice, Lynn! Sharing with the girls at MPA!!!! Love and Prayers!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Thanks so much, Beth!

  7. You can learn how to share interests and activities with each other, to learn to really enjoy each other’s company.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Good for relationships long term!

  8. I did marry my best guy friend. We spent hours on the phone in college getting to know each other without all the “physical” stuff that can interrupt a relationship. It even reached a point he could interpret what I was saying even if I wasn’t clear. That’s the level you want…so that’s what I’ll be sharing with my daughters. Right now my 13 year old only has any real interest in a celebrity…which thankfully for the moment I haven’t heard anything bad about. They don’t need serious relationships at this age. And when I was in high school, I was too busy to be serious with anyone. That left lots of guy friendships to have.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      That’s what we would love for our girls!

  9. Do things in a group of friends often, to see if he has qualities that you are looking for in a guy.

  10. I’m in! I want my girls to follow great advise… NOT follow the path I mistakenly took!!!

  11. Melissa K says:

    Wow! I wish I had heard these encouraging messages when I was a teenager. It seems it was an akward conversation in our home. I want to be open and real with my three girls so they are comfortable coming to me with this stuff. I learned it all the hard way. They don’t have to!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Keep the conversations rolling, Melissa!

  12. I’m in. My 13 year ok just had a sleepover for her birthday and i was surprised at all the talk of boys. I better get with the program,huh??

  13. I have 3 girls – I am in! 🙂

  14. Sherri Smith says:

    I’m in! I have boy/girl twin 14 yr olds!

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