Mean Girls Come From Mean Mamas

October is National Bullying Prevention Month

I’d like to share a post I wrote awhile ago, but the fresh reminder to myself this morning was a good one.

Thought you might like it too!


Standing in line for a concert gave my family a lot of people watching time. I began to point out all of the girls dressed immodestly. “Can you believe she would wear that out in public?” “Oh my! I can’t believe she feels comfortable dressed like that!” I commented as one by one the young women passed us by.

After quite few statements, my oldest daughter said, “Mom, you are being so mean!” Wow, did I feel small, but she was so right. I thought I was pointing out to my girls how not to dress. My girls already know that; I have been teaching them that since they were five! What I was teaching them was how to judge another woman. I was teaching them how to be mean!

After my episode, I’ve come to the conclusion that mean girls come from mean mommas. When we point out other’s flaws, we are modeling a judgmental heart. What we need to demonstrate is compassion.

One way that we are overcoming a mean spirit in our family is by being accountable to each other. When my girls are gossiping or putting another girl down, I gently point it out. My girls in turn do the same for me.

At first, having your child call you out can be a bit intimidating! But making this a family issue, rather than just a parent correcting a child, can bring the whole family to a deeper level of kindness.

Like me, you may be surprised to discover just how often you are saying things that are unkind. In the end, both you and your child will find yourselves becoming more compassionate, less judgmental and a whole lot more careful about the words that come out of your mouth!

It’s working for me; I know it will work for you too!




  1. Lynn,
    Hello my new friend!

    (Remember: don’t tell the guys that I was here.)

    I just wanted to thank you again for being on ATTIC Radio Monday night and also for writing a few guest blogs for our site! We had some great feedback from Monday’s show and I really appreciate your time and willingness to share your heart!

    Steve Austin

    1. Hey Steve…I had a great time! I hope I can join you again; thanks for having me!

      I prayed for you and your wife yesterday! May God finish the great work He has started in your family!

  2. Paula Hill says:

    We unfortunately dealt with this last year with my fifth grade daughter who was bullied by a classmate and her mother…

    1. A girl and her mom…what have we come to! That is terrible Paula. Lord…help us to model and teach compassion.

  3. That was really well said.

  4. Jamie Maynard says:

    Thanks! You have certainly given me something to think about. I appreciate it.

  5. It’s just great timing that I stumbled upon this today! I was scanning over my newsfeed yesterday on Facebook, and found a posting, followed by many comments, ripping into a Christian woman and her family on a popular reality TV show. I just had to post a comment on my wall about gossiping and how tearing someone down just makes yourself feel better. These people gossiping about someone they didn’t even know, claim to otherwise be a tolerant bunch. What a great little article this is to serve as a reminder to have a “gossip” check within our own families. And how every word we say is being listened to by our children, even if we do believe they NEVER listen! 🙂 Thank you!

  6. I love this post!!! God has laid it on my heart lately that we are to be more sensitive to this area!! I don’t want my little baby girl, who is now 5~EEK, to be a mean girl. So I have been more in tune to how we as a family talk. I want us to encourage and uplift, not the opposite. Thanks so much for being sensitive to this too, it starts with us mammas!!!

  7. Lynn,

    I felt as though I were reading my own words in an actual conversation I have had with my girls. The same as you I initially thought I was pointing out “how not to be” ,when in fact it was a harsh judgement and my kids DID call me out too!

    How small I felt! How right they were! I now make it a point to be more sincere and empathetic concerning words that come out of my mouth! I have also been blessed to witness my girls expressing a soft and loving heart toward others.

    1. How cool is it, Valentina, that you are seeing that heart in your girls!

  8. I am praying that we all can learn from this as no one is exempt from doing this whether we realize it or not. Thanks so much for reminding us how easy it can happen. We all want our Words to draw others to Jesus, not push them away and bring hurt along with it. God bless you for your honesty that will help us all to hear our own words.

    1. Oh Gail…I hope my honesty helps others…because it sure is embarressing when you’re kids call you out!

      1. dionne georgiou says:

        this was a fantastic post, i too am very guilty of passing judgement of people and very often in front of my children. at the moment, they are still quite young, but most bat “habits” are learned behaviour arent they? the scripture “take the plank out of your own eye before looking at the speck in someone elses has really been at the fore front of my heart this last few days, but your point of allowing the whole family to give an account to each other is a brilliant point, i will start to put this into play asap! thank you. many blessings in your ministry. xx

        1. I hope it helps your family like it has helped our’s, Dionne!

  9. Wow, I needed to hear this. I just had my daughter correct me the other night and it was very intimidating but you have given me a new perspective on how my daughter and I can help each other to grow in “friendliness”. Thanks

    1. Nancy, I used to think I had to have it altogether when it came to my kids. I am now trying to see them as my brother and sisters in Christ and it has given me new perspective!

  10. Lynn, I love your transparency, and I bet your family loves it even more! Thank you for modeling humility, and sharing this story. Love it, love it, love it!!!!

    1. Ha Kelly! Was I suppose to tell my family?! Just kidding! 🙂 Love you!

  11. I believe that if we held ourselves to this standard of kindness, we would reap the same.
    Great viewpoint here.

    1. And our kids would reap it too! Thanks Melaine!

  12. Wow! When I read your title I was ready to snear and say “Yea, those mean girls probably have mean mothers!” Then I realized that I too, have said mean things. They may have been right, but they were not said in love so that the people hearing would hear the love of Christ.

    Thank you for the blog and your honesty.

    1. Thanks Diane. It’s not always true. Sometimes mean girls are mean because of the friends they hang around with or the environment they are in, but I do think as moms we have a lot of influence.

  13. Lynn, thank you for being transparent with us. I’ve been called out by my kids and it doesn’t feel great at the time:) The Lord taught me a lesson in this, but I was on the receiving end. I overheard a woman putting me down to her young daughter for buying pre-made bagged salad instead of buying fresh. Apparently, it was a really big deal to her. Little did she know we had just moved to our new town and were living in a hotel while waiting for our house to be ready. We had a tiny kitchenette to work with. She had no idea of what was going on in my world. The Lord showed me later that I don’t know what’s going on in the lives of others behind closed doors, either. Ouch!
    Lord, give me Your eyes…always:)

    1. What a painful way to learn Sue! I’m sorry you experienced that. We are always learning….thankfully 🙂

  14. Thanks, Lynn… Your words are a blessing, and a very good reminder to search my heart and be more aware of my words. Like you and other moms, I may believe I’m pointing out “do’s and don’ts”, when it’s actually another way of passing judgment. Ouch! I intend to offer this invitation to my 15 year old… (eww, careful there!) 😉

  15. Roseann Mohamed says:

    We never stop learning thanfully we have a forgiving and loving GOD.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Amen to that, Roseann!

  16. I want to make time daily to spend in His Word, one on One with Jesus!

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