I was upset…again. It was Friday night and I had the expectation that my husband and I would have some time together when he got home from work; just the two of us. Maybe we would sit outside and enjoy the stars as they came out. Maybe we would go out to dinner and have some quiet conversation. Maybe we would go to a comedy and laugh until we cried. I all knew, was a wanted to do something to make me feel better. But instead, I found myself once again acting as the mommy taxi, transporting kids from one point to another. Unfortunately, going to bed didn’t get me over it. I carried this yucky feeling over into Saturday! Maybe today….today we would go to the mountains to the state fair. Maybe we would go swimming or out to lunch. Maybe today we would DO something. Once again, the day held activities for my kids and chores around the house. Now it was getting really old and I was just getting more and more irritated. “What is wrong?” My husband asked late Sunday afternoon. I said I didn’t know. I think it would have been honest to say I didn’t want to tell. I had seen this in my life before; the thinking that doing something or having something would make me happy. I felt like what I had was not enough. I needed more.
I have to be honest with you. Some of the things and people in my life are not enough. I have a GREAT husband. Greg is my high school crush turned life-long husband of 23 years, but you know, some days he lets me down. I get angry about this dumb thing or that and he is not enough. I have a beautiful house, drive a cute car (at least in my opinion. It is one of those little “box” cars. I have had people tell me that it is the most ugly car they have ever seen). My finances are in good shape. But some days, it is not enough. I have three terrific kids, seven brothers and sisters, a godly mother…but some days it is not enough.
I have an incredible opportunity to share my passion through writing and speaking. But ladies, every day, things fall short. Editors decline articles. House work piles up. Plans don’t come together. Life can be so discouraging! To make matters worse, the world around me is always screaming at me that I am not enough. Kelly Rippa tells me I can be even more amazing in her Electrolux commercials. Jordan Sparks sings that we can’t breathe if we don’t have a certain guy in our life.
Maybe I’m alone here, but do any of you ever have these feelings? When you have a bad week or were just tired of life so you think something or someone can fix your feelings of loneliness, frustration, or stress? Isn’t that why Huey Lewis used to tell us we were all working for the weekend? Girls, do you ever think, “If I just didn’t have all of the stresses of school, life would be better. Ladies, have you ever thought, “If my husband would just buy me flowers once in a while; take me out to dinner, tell me I look beautiful, that sure would help.” Maybe we think, if I could just get that job promotion and get away from this boss or get a house that isn’t falling apart, and then we would be happy. See, I don’t think I’m alone with this problem nor do I think it is new or uncommon. In fact, I would venture to say every human has struggled with feeling incomplete.
The Bible gives us some great insight into this completion thing. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow, but in the meantime think about this: What am I looking to each day to make me feel good about me; to make me happy?
See you tomorrow….