10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March}

10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn Cowell

When I’m speaking to teens and their moms, dating and guys are always at the top of the list. It makes sense…girls want to know all they can about guys and moms want to know all they can to help their girls!

So for the next 10 days I’ll share with you a few of the points from my talks and hope they will give you and girl something to talk about…especially with prom just around the corner!

If this is your first time joining us for the monthly You and Your Girl Series, you can read more about it here and see what you might have missed!

**Content taken from Lynn Cowell’s speaking topic: Why Wait? and He Loves Me; He Loves Me Not; Navigating the World of Dating**

Last month we looked at ways to encourage the girls in our life to fall for Jesus.

As we continue to encourage other women on this journey with us, what impacted you most about last month.  Was there a day that you, yourself, were challenged?

Day 1 of 10 | Don't let a guy define you | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #1 #YouandYourGirl series, Directions on Dating: DON’T LET A GUY DEFINE YOU.
When I was a freshman in high school, I liked this guy who was…how can I say this nicely – smaller than me. He was super skinny. Now when I would make a comment about my weight, probably fishing for compliments like many insecure girls do, this guy would often “encourage” me with ways to loose weight! He would tell me what to eat and just how I should exercise. If fact, often our dates were exercising! I know I asked for it, but really, I should seen the signs that I shouldn’t have dated him!

Because of my insecurity, I allowed an unhealthy cycle to form in my life. Consumed with getting smaller, I chose to eat grapefruit for lunch every day that semester. You know, to this day, I still can’t eat a grapefruit? Not a good call.

I allowed that guy called “boyfriend” to have power over how I felt about myself. Now, you might be thinking, “What a jerk! He shouldn’t have said that stuff.” I can see how you would feel that way. But remember, I was the one who gave him that power. I allowed him to have that influence over me.

If I had been a girl who was confident, even with what I viewed as my less-than-perfect-body, I would not have made those negative comments about myself and not allowed someone else to have so much influence in my life.

Boys can be fickle (girls can too!) One day they like the girly-girl, the next day the athlete. If you spend your days trying to figure out what he wants you to be and becoming it, you’ll miss out on becoming you!

Let Jesus define you. Listen to what He says about you. Build your confidence on Him, not on him.

Day 2 of 10 | Know when is the right time to date | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay 2, #Youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: KNOW WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO DATE.

Yesterday I told you a story from my freshman year in high school. (Refer to yesterday’s post if you missed it!)

You know what I have learned about guys in middle school and high school now that I’ve been away from it for awhile? Guys in school, be it middle school, high school and many in college, aren’t mature yet. I’m not just saying that because of my boyfriend’s comments.

I actually did a bit of informal research on the Internet and Googled: “At what age do guys mature?”

The answers, well they might just bum you out a bit. “A National Institutes of Health study proposes that the part of the brain that restrains risky behavior and thinking skills is not fully developed until the age of 25.” That’s the brain. When it came to emotions, the top three posts all said 43! 43 years old is when the male brain is fully mature when it comes to emotions.

It’s not a waste to wait to date.

The Bible thinks this is a good idea too! Song of Solomon 2:7 it says: “Let me warn you, don’t excite love; don’t stir it up until the time is right and you’re ready.” (Msg)

With that in mind, think about when is the right time to start dating. Should you choose to start in middle school or high school, it’s pretty risky business. The time you have today could be better invested in becoming the best you, you can be!

Day 3 of 10 | Become the girl worth waiting for | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay 3, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: BECOME THE GIRL WORTH WAITING FOR.

In yesterday’s post, we ended by saying use this time in your life to invest in becoming the best you, you can be! Use this time in your life to reach your fullest potential.
While you are doing that, a great secondary benefit is you will become the girl worth waiting for!

If you are not dating like many others, you will not find yourself in situations full of temptation and comprise. Waiting to date gives you more time to become the girl who has discovered her passions, gifts and talents, has found outlets to use those and is enjoying living out the purpose God has designed you for!

All the while, you are becoming the girl worth waiting for!

Day 4 of 10 | Make up your mind | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay 4, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: MAKE UP YOUR MIND
A made up mind is a powerful mind.

Make up your mind now who you are going to be and the boundaries you are going to have – before you start dating. If you have already started dating, make up your mind before you date any more!

Make up your mind that you will wait for the best; God’s best. You do that by guarding your heart and mind.

God’s word tells us in Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (NLT)

Guard your heart by making sure every thought honors Jesus. If it doesn’t, redirect it. Think on something else. Keep scripture close by to help you move your thoughts to where they should be and away from where they shouldn’t.

Day 5 of 10 | Keep parts of you a secret | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #5, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: KEEP PARTS OF YOU A SECRET

Yesterday I shared Proverbs 4:23: “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (NLT)

Guard in the Hebrew language Proverbs was written in means: to guard, watch, protect, keep, preserve. Get this: to be kept secret; be hidden.

If you want to experience the best God has for you when it comes to guys, you need to be on guard. You need to keep parts of you secret; hidden.

I am not just talking about the physical part of you, but your heart as well. The girl who shares every bit of her heart with every guy she dates is like a girl who gets caught in a snowstorm without gloves. If a breakup occurs, she is left standing vulnerable, with her ex knowing all of her secrets.

Keeping parts of you a secret also makes you more interesting! There is constantly something new about you to learn!

Day 6 of 10 | Don’t follow your heart | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #6, #youandyourgirl, Directions on Dating: DON’T FOLLOW YOUR HEART
Have you ever stopped to notice the power of your heart?

You didn’t even know a guy existed, then someone tells you he’s crushing on you. Next thing you know, you’re crushing back and you’ve got mental drool 24 hours a day!

We’ve been told since we were old enough to watch Disney, “Follow your heart”. If you do that, it just might lead you to disaster. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Deceitful? Yeah…it can lie to us! Tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to do.

Instead of following your heart, follow the Holy Spirit. Learn what His voice sounds like; it’s usually a bit quiet. Follow His voice and find yourself making one wise decision after another.

Day 7 of 10 | Command respect; dress respectfully | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn Cowell

Day #7, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: COMMAND RESPECT; DRESS RESPECTFULLY.I once heard it said, “If the goods are not for sale, don’t dress as if they are!”Here is what my son Adam shared with me for my book, Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants: “Most girls don’t carry godly attributes. They hardly wear any clothes, trying to make some guy look at them. Most girls I came in contact with were surface and superficial. Dating to them was a status. I don’t think you have to dress like a nun but present yourself in a way that’s respectful. It’s a reflection of your faithfulness to your future man and God too!”Wow…coming from a guy, that’s pretty powerful! Dress improperly and you’ll attract guys who expect you to act improperly!Command respect when you dress respectfully.
Day 8 of 10 | Help the guys out | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #8, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: HELP THE GUYS OUT.Yes, I said, “help the guys out”.Guys are wired visually. If you want someone to blame, blame God.As girls, it is our responsibility not to make keeping their thoughts pure any harder for them than it already is. I’m not saying it is our responsibility what they think; it’s not. What they do with their thoughts are between them and God. What I am saying is we have to help guys out.Matthew 6:22 says, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.” Help the guys around you to take in what is “good”. Keep what is meant for only your husband to see one day under wraps!
Day 9 of 10 | Go slow about who you get to know | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #9, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: GO SLOW ABOUT WHO YOU GET TO KNOW.I’m not a big fan of the concept of “falling in love”. We have more control over our emotions than this phrase implies. But I do know our heart is very vulnerable and infatuation is very powerful!Ever feel infatuation? It’s like a drug! Crushes have the power to take you super high and then drop you to the lowest of lows. For this reason, I think the word “falling” can fit at times.With this in mind, I want to encourage you: you can’t choose who you “fall” for, so be careful who you date. What can begin as innocent getting-to-know-you texting can escalate faster than you’re prepared for and next think you know, you’re stuck. Stuck on a guy you haven’t known that long or know very well.Go slow about who you get to know. Be intentional. Take your time and make wise choices on who you’ll invest in getting to know. You never know…he could turn out to be your husband. Just ask me.
Day 10 of 10 | What you see is what you’ll get | 10 Directions on Dating: #youandyourgirl series {March 2015} by Lynn CowellDay #10, #youandyourgirl series, Directions on Dating: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU’LL GET.I know, I know! You see so much potential. When you look at him, all you can see is all he could become…one day. Only today, he’s not there. Yes, he’s a bit irresponsible some days. All right, you have seen him be disrespectful toward his parents. Ok, he flirts a bit with other girls even though you two are exclusive. And there are times when he says things to you he shouldn’t. But, really…he’s a terrific guy!Friend, now is the time to shoot straight with yourself. Yes – people can change, especially if they are surrendered to Christ and are choosing to live for Him. But it is very unwise to go into or continue in a relationship when you see warnings. Warnings are behaviors that would prove dangerous in a long-term relationship. My husband tells my daughters, “What you see is what you’ll get.” (That’s coming from one guy talking about other guys!) In other words, if the weaknesses you see in him are weaknesses that will not bring harm to you or your relationship, he’s in the process of growing up. It just confirms he’s human. But if you see issues such as unfaithfulness, this isn’t the guy for you. Heed the warning sign.


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If you enjoyed this month’s You and Your Girl Series, I invite you to read the previous series here.



  1. Amy Westbrook says:

    Desperate to take my daughter to one if your conferences on dating and being who his intends her to be. Where will you be speaking next?

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Hi Amy! My daughter Madi and I will be speaking in Effingham, Illinois next Saturday, March 28th! We would love to meet you and your girl!

  2. I’m having trouble reading the 10 directions on dating. Is there a link? Thank you! When I click on it on pinterest it takes me here

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