Affirmation, Attention and Affection

Affirmation, attention and affection? What child doesn’t need the three A’s? What adult for that matter!


When kids are little, the three A’s are so easy! Constantly learning something new, it takes very little effort to add: “I’m so glad you learned to tie your shoes!”; affirming their daily growth.


They are willing to cuddle; even approach you first!


Their every action demands attention; a blink of the eye and they are gone! (Read the funniest story about kids on Lysa TerKeurst’s site!)


Now that my kids are 20, 17 and 14, the three A’s take a lot more effort, especially with the 20 year old! Some days, when they are struggling through these tough years,struggle to find something to affirm. I have to work to not give only negative attention when I keep passing the room that’s a tsunami! I have to remember that just because she is taller than me, she still wants hugs and kisses from me!


I know that Jesus wants to help us give our kids what they need. Because of this, I think we should ask Him for triggers.


Little things that help us to slow down and remember to hug our child, kiss our child, text, twitter and Facebook our child! An alarm on our cell phone that reminds us to make a snack for our child while they do their homework. A “pinch” when picking up their coat or shoes to tell them we love them. A prompt to walk them to the door when they leave if only to give them a hug and a kiss good bye. A spark to set it all down, make eye contact and hear ALL the details of the day.


My daughter Madi came home from a whirlwind trip out of town last weekend…right during my favorite show! It was all I could do to turn it off and hear her 35 minute, blow by blow description. But you know what? I’ll never have that chance again. I was grateful to my Jesus for helping me to give my girl the attention she wanted!


One way we can give our girls attention they need is to spend time with them in God’s word and teach them to look for attention from Jesus!


Today I having an opportunity to win a give away. I am giving away two signed copies of my book His Revolutionary Love to one reader. Ask Jesus if He would have you carve out time to go through this book with your girl and maybe her best friend too! (She needs affirmation, attention and approval as well!) That’s the gift for your girl and for you I am giving away a copy of my CD message Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart.


To be entered into the give away, just share with me by clicking on the “comments” button below: which one does your child need from you most: affirmation, attention or affection. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day which can be especially hard on teen girls. How can you communicate to your girl that you and Jesus are crazy about her?


Be sure to leave your email address so I can let you know who won! Stop back on Wednesday for my Wednesday Wisdom Tip when I will announce the winner!



  1. My daughter needs all 3!

    1. Thank you for such timely advice…I felt as if you had been looking over my shoulder…and thank God for using your message so effectively.

  2. Thank you for this great reminder of the 3 A’s—good words to read this morning as the girls get ready for school! Affirmation goes a long way with my girls.

  3. Wonderful devotion! Even though my daughter is 5 I can see now where she needs lots of affirmation. She is very quick to put herself down when she makes a mistake. My prayer is that I will be able to build her up so that she has confidence in herself & in Christ.

  4. Ashley Riegler says:

    My kids are young so laundry and meal prep takes precedence far too often than I’d like to admit. I need to constantly remind myself that the laundry is going to continue to pile up no matter kids on the other hand aren’t going to stop growing and learning just so I can check off another pile of laundry. Thank you so much for this reminder 🙂

  5. I have 20 and 16 daughters I think at this age they need more affirmation and telling them they are going in the right direction when all the world says you are going right because you aren’t doing these things. They had our attention when we were small at at home and they will always have our affection (always be my babies) but the affirmation is still need in their lives in a most important right now I believe. wonderful giveaway thanks

    ABreading4fun [at] gmail [dot] com

  6. Perfect reading for this morning!!! Thank you. Reading this so struck a cord with me, as I was to busy yesterday to sit with my son and just listen. And although I was with my daughter who is having some friendship issues was I really giving those 3 A’s? I really want to be a good parent and just be there for them. Thank you.

  7. I think both my daughters (17 and 10) really need affirmation the most but, of course, attention and affection as well. I no the question is about daughters, but my son falls into that as well. I like what apple blossom posted about the world telling them one direction and they are going right in a different direction. It is a hard thing for anyone, but especially kids.

  8. My daughter needs all three and I fail many times.Grace, grace, grace and vessels like you will help me be a better parent.Thank you!

  9. Deb Hileman says:

    My daughter is 14 and true to her name, Joy. Out of the 3A’s she needs the most is affirmation, she is very personable and shows affection to all. She could use more of my attention at times for sure. Thank you for the chance to win the books, would love to be able to go thru this book with her!

  10. Affirmation for sure. She is preteen and all the mean girl stuff starts so young these days. I just hope I have the right words (from God) for each situation she encounters. Thank you so much for your reminder!

  11. Fran Kuennen says:

    I wish I had been reminded when my kids were being raised and then taken the time to do just that. Now that I have grandkids I do that. I would love to give this book to my son and his wife for their children. I think everyone needs all three of these qualities affirmed to them. Thank-you for the reminder.

  12. I have 3 small children…one a girl. But I am thinking right now this may be for one of my nieces. I just found out 2 weeks ago that my sister and her husband are divorcing after 18 years of marriage. I can only imagine the road they all will be walking over the next few years. I think we all need reminders sometimes of just how much our Lord loves us.

  13. Kristyn Butts says:

    I have twin daughters who are are night and day different. They are 6 years old and I am learning they need different things from me. Madison needs my attention. She has so much to say and loves talking about Jesus. Many times I only listen half heartedly or cut her off short. My other daughter craves affection. She loves to snuggle and give kisses. She thrives on being told she is beautiful and often will come by to just give me a kiss. Unfortunately, I don’t do a good job just being with them. I feel guilty to just sit when there is so much that needs to be done. I pray God will help me give each of my girls exactly what they need from me!

  14. You have hit the nail on the head this morning! Our house gets to be so crazy with all the running, we really need to stop, look and listen to these darling kids. They have insights and ideas that are out of this world. Thank you again for another inspirational idea.

  15. Your devotion was a necessary reminder for me this morning. It is way too easy for me to get caught up with tasks and put my girls on the back burner. They are still very young but I know it is so important that I build good relationships with them now so that those relationships will grow and stay strong when they get older and are harder to relate to. My kids need all three A’s for sure but the one that is hardest for me and most important to them is attention, which requires time. Thanks for a great reminder!

  16. Thank you for this reminder today. To often I get wrapped up in what I “need” to get done instead of doing what God has for me to do for/with the precious children He has given me. At the stage, both of my girls need affirmation. Thank you again!

  17. My daughter needed my attention the most and now it’s too late. Oh, I try to provide all three to her but she has pretty much turned me off due to a lack of attention when she was small. She is now 42 with three grown children of her own. I tried to be there for my daughter but worked two jobs and was in and out of hospitals most of her young childhood. At age 8 she went to live with her Dad because I was no longer able to care for her. I grew up in a very abusive home and consequently developed many psychological problems. I feel very guilty over all of that but at the time it was what it was. She has held it against me most of her adult life. I regained custody of her upon her high school graduation although we had many visits inbetween. But is wasn’t enough. So by all means our children need our attention. I know they also need our affection and affirmation which I had no problem providing. She felt strongly a lack of attention and for that I am profoundly sorry. So, turn off those computers, TV’s, and other distractions and attend to the needs of our children. They are under our care for such a short time that we need to use that time wisely and put them first. Children were so important to Jesus and they should be equally important to us as He trusts them to our care.

    1. Dear Patirica, thank you, also please remember that in heaven there will be complete restoration, love never fails.

  18. Thank you for this today. I am the mother of 3 and my kids need all 3 A’s! They don’t “ask’ for them, but I know how much they need them. I would love a copy of your book…any help I can get to live my life in the present moment would be wonderful!
    Blessings to you…Katie

  19. My daugher is 17 and a Senior in High School. We have been very blessed by her, but I would love to give her more affirmation on how important it is to be yourself and stand your ground on your Christian beliefs and to always do the right thing in God’s eyes.

    1. I have a 17 year old too Jennifer!

      Just this weekend one of my girls said, “Mom, I hope you know how blessed you are to have girls who follow Jesus.” Guess I’m not making that clear often enough!

  20. Rolanda Johnson says:

    The 3 A’s are so very important. When I tuk my 8 year old grandaughter in bed every night. She takes my hand and pray’s this prayer, which hangs above her bed. “VIRTUE’ Lord help me grow from a girl to a lady, to blossom and bloom into all that I may be. As I learn and grow, and I do what You say, may this little girl be Your woman some day! Proverbs 31 (SMILE)

    1. Wow! Love that Rolanda!

  21. Margo Smith says:

    Thank you for the practical reminder, going to put a note on my frig that says the 3 A’s, that will be just enough to remind me! Our time with our children & love ones goes all to fast, each day with them is a blessing! Thank you again for your encouraging words!

  22. As others have said- the days are long, but the years fly by! My oldest daugher is almost 10! She is at the point that affirmation is her greatest need- but she still wants that affection too! My youngest daughter-6 has always been a seeker of touch-affection- but she is strongly moving into that attention phase- of listen to every detail of every story! Thanks for your encouraging words and insight reminders!

  23. Having four kids…three of them girls: 20,16and 3…I see how fast they grow up and how hard it is to make sure they get all three As. Often I fail. I struggle because my love language is service. So doing things for them comes easy: meals, laundry and cleaning. However it is often the most taken for granted. So I need to push myself to stop bite my tongue instead of saying something that I think is helpful advice to
    Just say, I love you and you are beautiful and give them a hug is super difficult, especially with the older ones. P.S, It was a comfort to hear I am not the only one whose daughters room look like cyclones went through. 😉

    1. Melodie, we are a lot alike! My love language is also service so I make my girls breakfast and lunches each day…things like that I think say “love you”. But…that’s not their love languages! They are words of affirmation! Lord, help me to love the way they need to be loved!

  24. As I got up this morning I was struggling with what to read for my quiet time. Well there your blog was. What an awsome reminder. I feel like I wasted my the time away when my kids were small. I never took the time to sit and play, a clean house was what was important. Now at 15, 12, and 10. I’m trying to take that time to make them feel special and loved. I think from your 3 A’s I need to remember to affirm them and give more attention, and negative doesn’t count. I’m constantly loving on them but I need to remember to verbally lift them up. My prayer today is that God would show me how to love them in a way that is meaningful to them. Thank you for sharing and reminding us to take time out of our day to love our babies.

  25. Wow! Exactly what I needed for today! Yesterday, was a difficult day with our “typical” 12 year old….thanks for the reminder of what they need from us! I’m sure sometimes the difficulty in her is brought on by my lack of giving the three A’s that she (and all humans) desire!

  26. Good morning,
    Thanks for the encouragement to give our children the 3 A’s
    Right now, I think my daughter who is 13, always needs all 3, but right now needs affirmation the most.
    Being in the trenches of junior high, she is in an environment at school that challenges her worth at every angle, her appearance, her clothes, her beliefs… She is an amazing girl – growing into a fine young woman – but I do pray that I can be the mother she needs during this crucial stage in her life.
    Thank you for the inspiration and the opportunity to win your book.
    Blessings to you,
    Lana H.

  27. Gloria Holgin says:

    My daughter is 13 and the tough times in Middle School. She is at the point that affirmations is her greatest need

  28. Leah Widrick says:

    I have two daughters 8 and 11, and a 5 month old son. The girls are amazing helpers with the new baby and I am so blessed to have them. Working full time and taking care of a family can sometimes be overwhelming. Our best times have always been devotions before bed. Life has gotten so crazy I find myself kissing them goodnight, saying a prayer and running off to do laundry or dishes or feed the baby. I am grateful for your reminder that I won’t ever get this time back ,my daughters could definately use more attention, more one on one mommy time.

  29. I struggle with this because my daughter needs all three so desperately each day and is more than a little demanding to get them from me. That makes it harder for me to give them freely to her (because of the demanding of them), But, when I do, things are so much better and easier with her and she is so much better behaved!!

  30. My daughter is 16 and definitely wants and needs all three. I usually falter with attention – too many to-do’s and not enough time. We were just talking about that this weekend. This is another great reminder that the to-do list will always be there but she won’t.

  31. I would same affirmation…for all three – my 13 yr old boy, 10 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl. We cover the other a lot, but since the 13 yr old starts high school next year, I think the affirmations that he is loved by us, is important to God and is an amazing person cannot be stressed enough. He’s going through those crazy years now and we make an effort each day he walks out the door to remind him that he is a treasure and is in charge of his own course…with the Holy Spirit guiding him and that it’s important to listen to that voice inside. I don’t think it can said enough for teenagers! Lots of blessings to you today!

  32. Sara Jane says:

    I read your devo off of Proverbs 31 and it hit home for me. I have two boys and a girl. My boys need my attention from me to be a good listener and as you said “be a part of their memories!”, but for my daughter she needs all 3!. Lots of middle school anxieties make her doubt herself, her abilities and Gods plan but we work everyday to uplift her trusting Gods plan and these rough patches. Thanks for your words of encouragement, they can just at the right time.

  33. Kristen O. says:

    I have recently been convicted to pray more for my daughter. What she needs directly from me is affirmation. Growing up in a family where that was absent, it is a hard thing for me to do. With help from Jesus, I am going to try my best to do it much more often. Thank you for your great words of wisdom!

  34. Anna Ziller says:

    My daughter needs affirmation the most. This year has been a hard one for her. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement!

  35. Honestly, every teen/tween girl needs all 3. My 12 year old is no exception. Although I shower her with affection, I think there’s room for improvement in the attention and affirmation departments.

  36. Hi, I am the mother of three young boys, 3, 5, and 6 years old. My eldest son has some challenges we face because of his Sensory Processing Dysfunction. I am also a stay at home mom!! It’s hard to remember the three A’s when laundry, carpooling, cub scouts, therapy, and church responsibility, yet alone my husband 😉 are ALWAYS calling my name. Thanks for blessing me and reminding me that as labor intense as these times are, they do slip away quickly and all we will have left are memories and that we have a direct responsibility in what kind of memories they are. I do not have any girls, but I do have mighty men of God to raise, so any help, encouragement or gift in doing that would be a blessing!!! Thank you again for reminding us of the proverbial truthes, there is a time for all activities!!

    1. Dear Sophena, You will be in my prayers. I remember those days. My oldest has SPD too. She is now 20 and may I give you the encouragement that she has found her niche in life( and will make a good living at it too.) My daughter who was home schooled , because she wouldn’t/couldn’t wear shoes and I cut the tag out of everything she wore…is a diesel mechanic. (She wears steel toe boots too.)This semester she will have an AA in welding and diesel and has a job working for our High School bus/transportation dept. The coolest part is she did not apply, they heard about her and asked for “That girl in the diesel department”.
      So, put my story in you scrapbook for those days when you wonder what will we do with these boys… She is my oldest of 4 (three girls and a 15 year old boy). I am going through the trials of giving the 3A’s to my middle two who are 17 &19. They are playing the game of pulling away and blaming me for moving. I made them breakfast, coffee and lunch to go as they left for college. Now I enjoy my day off: cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing….we all know what mom’s day off is like.
      But Sophena, my sister in Christ, pray for those girls that someone is raising to be along-side your, “mighty men of God”. Our SPD kids see the world in ways we never can and to stop and try to see it their way is an amazing mom journey.
      email me or find me on fb :[email protected] I would love to me of encouragement to you through the journey.
      Shalom, Deena

      1. Thanks so much Deena! This is what this community is all about!

  37. My daughter is 9, & the Lord has just recently been revealing how important those three things are in her life, & how important it is that she gets them from my husband & I. I have just recently recognized the many fiery darts the enemy throws to try to get us off track of what the Lord has called us to as wives & mothers. The things he uses are not all bad things either, good things can cause us to get so busy that the pure joy & peace the Lord has lined up for us in our relationships with those we love most, we can become robbed of. I’m now grabbing ahold of the true task the Lord has put before me to love, encourage, edify & embrace my beautiful blonde girl so that she knows she is loved & accepted by me but also by Him, in hopes of nothing standing in the way of her putting her all into every task He puts before her. Thank you for your obedience to His calling of using your wisdom that He has granted you to share & encourage others just getting to this journey. Blessings upon your household!

  38. My 12 year old daughter craves affirmation. She is her father’s daughter. Unfortunately, it is the hardest thing for me to give. Hopefully, I can become more aware of her needs and more shortcomings and make more of an effort to give her what she needs.

  39. Maureen F says:

    My oldest daughter definitely needs affirmation, but youngest needs both attention and affirmation. I think my youngest has been getting lost in all the busyness her older brother and sister create in our lives. I must be more intentional in meeting her needs – thanks for the reminder! Good words to have sink deep into my heart.

  40. jessi becker says:

    My girls are 2 and 4 and even though I am a stay at home mom and am with them all day, my children need more affirmation and attention for sure…even when I am playing with them, I am rarely “there” with them..I am always thinking of what needs to get done next or getting up while playing with them to do something real quick….its hard to find a balance sometimes!

  41. Right now I think it’s attention for my daughters. It breaks my heart to think of all the times I chose other things or tasks over listening to them.

  42. Shelly Goguen says:

    My daughter probably needs attention the most right now. I would love to win this – thank you!

  43. Carolyn Rogers says:

    I love your devotionals, Lynn. There’s so much I should be doing better and I learn a lot from you! My kids get lots of affection. But, I have to admit that I don’t put work in it’s rightful place, so I don’t think they get the attention they need at the right times. I give them attention but all too often I ask them to wait as if work were more important when it’s Not. Also, I would like to affirm them more. I have such high expectations that I’m afraid they hear more of what they’re not doing right than simply that they are the most wonderful kids I know. Thanks for the reminder today!

    1. Carolyn, thank you so much for your encouragement. I have so much to learn too! Yesterday my daughter asked me to go for a walk. At first I said it was too cold! Later, I thought “Are you crazy Lynn? Your 14 year old just asked to spend time with you?!!!” We went for that walk when she reminded me, “You know Mom, you are lucky we have such a good relationship.” I told her “I know.” I know what it is like not to have that and I am so grateful.

      So, bundle up, Ladies, and head out for a walk with your’s today! 🙂

  44. Thank you for today’s reminder and encouragement. I have three daughters, ages 14, 10, and 8. Because I am very task-oriented, it is often challenging for me to stop what I’m doing and focus my attention, affirmation, and affection on my daughters. I also do a lot of my work from home, so it’s sometimes difficult to balance work and personal time. My oldest daughter acts like a typical teenager, and I feel like I’m constantly after her about something. Your message today came at the right time, since the girls are home from school for a snow day. I think we might have to spend some time outside sledding together!

    1. Wish I had a snow day! Lord…please let Charlotte see some before winter is over. PLEASE!!!!! 🙂

  45. I actually don’t have a daughter, but rather, I teach 6th grade at a Christian school! How my sweet babies need to hear this message. They all are begging for attention! I would love to win this as a classroom resource for them to check out.

    Thank you!

    1. Ginny, I have often said I wish we could eraser 6th grade…it is the hardest! Thank you so much for investing in girls!

  46. As a homeschooled, outgoing, only-child, my daughter seems to need attention most. I pray she’ll always want to tell me everything.

  47. Staci Dunn Silva says:

    Let me just first of all thank you and all the Proverbs 31 crew for the amazing work you do. I have been so blessed and encouraged by your devotionals and they have really spoken to me as a woman and a mother. My daughter, I would have to say, needs all three As. She is really sensitive and if she feels like she’s done something wrong or that I or my husband are upset with her about something she did she hides away and gets really sad. She needs us to give her that assurance that we love her immensely and we show her affection, attention and affirm her of our love for her. Thanks again Lynn and congratulations of all your hard work.

    1. Thanks Staci! It is our honor to pour into all of those who read our devos each day. It encourages us to know that they are encouraging to you!

  48. Melissa M. says:

    Thanks for sharing! I think they need all 3! For my girls, I see attention and affirmation are huge!

  49. Tammy McKinney says:

    Thanks for all your wonderful devos! I think my kiddos need all 3. I have a 11 year old boy and 8 year old girl. They each need different doses of each.

  50. Peggy Clement says:

    I have three daughters one 18, and two 12 year olds. I try hard to be a good Mother, They need all three esspecially the twins, I have my Mom who has demtia and also needs this from me.Thank You very much and God bless you.

  51. My daughter needs all three. She is one of four in our family and the only girl. She struggles with self esteem, falling into the trap of comparing herself to other girls. I pray so hard that she can find strength and confidence in who God made HER to be and love herself. Thank you so much for this devotion. I needed the reminder. God bless!

  52. The 3A’s will be on my mind this week and I struggle through another week of showing God’s love to my 4 children and husband too. We need to remember they need that too. I personally have an issue with that too, so everyone will be getting my 3A’s this week. I must remember that Jesus doesn’t say, “sorry, I need a nap when I ask Him to listen to me”. I was working a nap Sunday afternoon, if I need an excuse, my 2 middle girls (17,19) were out after 11 pm at a birthday party in a neighboring town. Good girls with the pastor’s daughter too, but I still was up well after they stopped talking. So, I found a cozy spot on the couch Sunday afternoon and got up more than 5 times to help my older one work on job applications and college grant stuff. Yes, I wont get that chance again. When my nest is empty I will have Sunday afternoon naps.

  53. My granddaughter is in a single parent home. She struggles with physical difficulties and learning difficulties. I believe she has problems with self-esteem and other anxieties. Her mother is involved with her own day to day activities and priorities. I pray daily that the Lord will keep my granddaughter in His perfect will and give her mother wisdom and discernment to recognize her daughter’s needs.

  54. Kelly Alford says:

    Great!! I so need to improve on the 3 A’s with my 12 year old daughter. Starting today, I will put forth more effort.

  55. What a great encouragement and reminder for us all! I don’t have any children yet, but I do have an (almost) 5 year old niece. This blog and book is an answer to prayer- my sister and I were just discussing this topic over the weekend on how my sister can make my niece feel special and loved more from her Mama. Sometimes it’s so hard for her to balance “the baby brother” with “the big sister”.. My sister is struggling with balancing enough time to make sure her 5 year old daughter feels loved- : affirmation, attention and affection. I think right now my niece is in most need of attention. I will continue to pray for balance for my sister, and attention for my niece. I will share your teachings with her! Thanks and God Bless!

  56. My daughter needs affirmation most I would say. All three are so important – thanks for the reminder and encouragement to love on our kids!

  57. My daughter (age 13) needs Affirmation. She craves it, thrives on it, and can ride that A wave for days or weeks. I need to remember to affirm her in little things, multiple times throughout the day, as well as the bigger things. Jesus, help me to do that for my girl.

  58. Stephanie says:

    I really appreciate this post and need the reminder that my children are just here for a season. I think each one of them needs each of those things at different times but it is funny how one stands out more in each of them.

    Last night our oldest daughter came down and said she did not want to grow up…we told her we appreciated that and my husband said that she would miss all the blessings that God has for her and I replied like if I had stayed her age forever I would not be married and have a wonderful husband and family and how much God has blessed me.

    I get so caught up in the daily to do’s that I need the reminder not to miss the moments when they come.

  59. My daughter needs all 3, but especially attention.

  60. My 14 year-old daughter, Isabella, needs all 3 ~ how does one pick just one of these three? 🙂

  61. Mine especially needs affirmation. We’ve always been a loving family but I’m not sure I tell her as often as I should that she did the right thing in a particular situation or that I am proud of her.

  62. I LOVE this reminder! My 13 yr old needs all 3 of these and sometimes I am honestly at a loss as to how to give them to her, esp when she is eye rolling and mad and difficult…I know it is easier to focus on what I’m not hapyp about than finding something positive and I know I need to work on it. I was just asking Jesus this morning while I was praying to help me be the mom that SHE needs me to be, even if I need to get out of my comfort zone to do it. It wont’ be long til she’s gone and on her own and I don’t want to have regrets and “if onlys”. Mothering is hard! Thank the Lord Jesus knows that and is so willing to give us these reminders, pokes, sparks to do something intentional, I just have to ask Him and believe He’ll do it and that w/His help, I can do it. Bless you!

  63. I have two daughters one 19 and the other 18, both need all three. The past few years have been extremely hard on all of us but they have come through with such grace. Together we have learned about love, forgiveness, God’s grace and mercy, we have learned that if we have each other and with The Lord’s love, we will come through.

    I also want to say “thank you”, sometimes the journey seems difficult but I find strength every morning in the encouraging words from my beautiful sisters at Proverbs 31 Ministries. You have not idea how many times your words have spoken directly into my heart. Today was one of those days. Thank you for all you do and for allowing The Lord to use you in such a wonderful way!

  64. michelle h says:

    Thanks for the encouragement today. it’s so tempting to multitask my attention with my kids – listen with one ear while answering emails or finishing a sentence . . . I have to constantly remind myself to turn off and focus on them!

  65. Thank you for this great reminder. I think my daughter needs affirmation the most, which of course is the hardest for me to give. By the grace of God, I’m working on it.

  66. Amy Chapman says:

    Thanks for those great A reminders! I teach high school senior girls at church and their identity in Christ is SO important! For my own little one – she needs (undivided) attention the most right now. Her older brother has type 1 diabetes, which truly affects the whole family. My daughter has the most beautiful disposition and has always been so patient, however as a mom – it breaks my heart that she sometimes doesn’t get the attention she needs due to circumstances with her brother. She is truly the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate person who loves life and those around her. I can’t wait to shower her with Christ’s love tomorrow as I give her the attention she needs and deserves!

  67. Although my two girlies need all 3 A’s—I think their affirmations “accounts”
    need more deposits more often because it’s the best combat for self doubt that we all
    struggle with.

  68. thanks for this reminder. i have 21yrs, 11yrs and 3yrs girls… the youngest is a handful, too much energy and a fighter. i don’t know how to calm her down. she can force her way. the 11yrs still behaves like a 5 yr old. you have to reminder everything including brushing her teeth. she will bathe and not put lotion on her body… i am silently frustrated but i also realize now i have not given her the attention she deserves. the 21yr old thinks she does not need me any more. she has her act together now on her 2nd year a the university studying medicine. she is always indoors and has tried dating twice but guess it didn’t really work out or she managed to put her priorities right…. all in all, my gals need all the 3 and i will do my best to be the mother i should be. God bless you all mothers.

  69. THAnks for the reminder. My daughter , at 13. needs all three A’s. She is having friend issues at school, and she wonders what she is doing wrong. I so want her to truly bellieve that she is loved for who God made her to be.

  70. Dawn Tuller says:

    My oldest daughter needs affirmation from me most – which is the hardest for me to do. My middle daughter needs affection and my youngest needs affection too.

  71. My daughter is 14 now and seems to need my attention less, but when she wants it, she does so, in an undivided way. Thanks for the reminder. She comes across as needing affection the least, but I think she needs that the most, even the “tough” girls need a big hug and smooch when they least expect it, maybe they need it all the more.

  72. It’s hard to choose, but I think attention.

  73. I don’t have girls, I have boys aged 18 & 21. But I have a 14 yr old niece & a
    sweet 17 yr. old at church that I would give the books to.

    Janet W.

  74. Hi Lynn,

    This morning I read your devotional on Encouragement for Today. It brought tears to my eyes as I wrote a sticky note to put on my computer that reads “Three A’s: Affirmation, Attention, Affection”. This has dual meaning for me, my daughters and I are the three A’s too – Alison, Aubrey and Ava.

    When I saw this arrive in my inbox it further validated that God is telling me something today. Tasks are never more important than people, especially family, especially my kids. I’ve been busy launching a business and have had every excuse in the book for not practicing the three A’s as much with my kids. It’s time to stop the excuses.

    I pray for those pinches from Him to wake me up to these opportunities while I still have them at home. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  75. Thank you so much for the reminder for all 3…needed that after not giving my loving 9 year old the attention she needed last night to tell a story. Giving her affirmation and affection are never a hard things to do, we love to love and praise each other in our house but for some reason sometimes it seem so hard to stop and give those extra few minutes of undivided attention.
    Thanks for reminding me how special those moments are!

  76. Thank you for this reminder. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 9 and 7 who need all three A’s. I pray that the Lord gives me daily wisdom to love them and raise them in His ways.

  77. I have two daughters — ages 12 & 13. They need all three, but what I think I’m weakest on is affirmation. I’m a stay at home right now and so they get much of my time, and we are a family that gives hugs every day. Too often I get focused on the challenges instead of the victories and gifts God has given them. Thank you for reminding me that they desire and need my affirmation too.

  78. Lisa Meikrantz says:

    Thank You Lynn for your “Three ‘A’s” reminder today. I needed that with my 13 year old. Katia, my daughter needs affirmation daily, though she is a very independent girl on the outside. She is an “I can do everything myself” girl, but I do not see evidence of this in her life, and I find it so hard to find that balance of dictating what she needs to be doing at a certain time, and her just tuning me out and nothing getting accomplished. Between unsightly room, missing assignments, and misguided priorities, I love her so much and have trouble noting what I should do, how to make her be more responsible and letting her know i do love and affirm her! I love spending time with her!
    In Christ~ Lisa Meikrantz<

  79. It’s really hard to pinpoint just one of those that my kids need. But I know my downfall is giving them the attention when they need it. I’ve been trying harder to listen when they speak, especially since that is getting less and less as they gain independence. Thank you for all of your encouraging advice.

  80. I really needed this. Often, I get tied up in cleaning that I will put off the, “Mom, will you snuggle with me?” by saying, “Hold on. Let me finish this…”. I really need to be reminded that these are precious times that will be gone before I know it. My girls seem to need a lot of both, but the oldest (11) needs affirmation and attention and the youngest (8) needs attention and affection.
    Thank you,

  81. The teen years have been particularly turbulent in our home. Great reminder today to search for things to affirm and to give the affection even if it seems unwanted because inside hidden away in her heart is a desire and need for it! Thank you!!!

  82. Thank you for the reminder that even though my children are getting older, it doesn’t mean they do not want my attention, affirmation or affection!!! My oldest child, my daughter, needs attention and affirmation. My youngest, my son, needs affirmation and affection, but he certainly needs/wants my attention also.

    We also have an “adopted daughter” (my daughter’s bff) I would love to be able to share this book with both of them.

    Thank you for the reminder.

  83. My daughter needs all 3 from me…her dad lives in another town, and her step dad is living away right now. Her grandfather, whom she adored and vice versa, passed away in 2011. I try to continually let her know who she is in Christ!

  84. Rebecca H says:

    This past week I feel like my 13 year old daughter and I have been at each others throat. Just last night we had another bad moment and I went to bed carring a heavy heart.and I know she did too. This morning I woke up needing to make peace with her and I’ve been texting her all day about how much I love her and how wonderful she is…………because she is! My daughter and I need all 3 all the time. I know God needed me to read this today and I thank you for posting it.

  85. My 20-year old needs affirmation and I think right now my 17-year old needs all 3! Thank you for the reminders! It changes with the seasons and I need to be able to read those changes! We also have a 10-year old son – the affection seems to go in spurts (like his growth!), but as the youngest he loves the attention, but I like to give him affirmative attention and I love bedtime where I can give the affection and he’s willing to accept it.

  86. So true! How easy it is to be too busy for what truly matters…our children. My daughter needs that positive affirmation. It is so easy to let her know what she has done wrong. I need to be more mindful to praise her for those things which she has done right! Thank you for that reminder. Praying for God to help me to remember to positively affirm her throughout each day.

  87. Right now in this season, my daughter needs all 3! LOL. She is thirteen going on 18 and sometimes going on 5. She is trying to discover who she is at full speed. Head strong and intelligent, yet sensitive and naive. I try my best to give her all 3 A’s, but it seems like it is never enough. She compares the attention she gets to her younger special needs brother so I make an extra effort to keep things fair. It is very trying, especially when dealing with a dramatic teenager. I love her just the same and would not change a thing. See her love for the Lord is simply inspiring. I just need some ideas and better coping mechanisms in dealing with a teenager and a special needs child. I would love to be able to share this book with my daughter and her friends.

  88. First off i cant thank you enough for all that you do. You are a blessing.
    I wish my almost 9 yr old liked affection. I kiss her and tell her i love her everyday several times a day. She does not like affection and she does not give it. Very hard for me as that is my love language. I am defiantly going to read your book with her whether I win it or not.

  89. Midwest Amy says:

    Both of my kids (3, 5) need more of my attention. Im so busy with work and house chores – this blog was right on time to remind me to slow down.

  90. My 14 year old daughter needs all 3 however I think she needs affirmation the most. What a great devotional!!!!

  91. nancys1128 says:

    Today’s my daughter’s 11th birthday. She missed being a Valentine’s baby by an hour and a half. 🙂 I would have to say that attention is the one she needs more of from me. Because of her age, I do give her attention, but she needs more than nagging attention. She needs one-on-one, undivided attention. Thanks for the thought provoking reminder today.

  92. Michelle D says:

    My 3 girls (ages 15, 12, &9) need all 3 A’s! Although, some days one “A” may be needed more than the other two. Thank you for your encouragement!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  93. My daughters need attention!!!

  94. My daughter is 8 and I think she needs all 3 at different times, but probably my attention more than the others. Thank you for the reminder to look for every opportunity to give her the three “A’s” ~ because the busyness of life certainly gets in the way!

  95. Mine need all three, but it seems like Undivided attention is the one they need the most.

  96. My daughter turned 16 yesterday. Wow, how time flies. I’m a Martha in this world, the list maker, organizer, task-doer personality. COMPLETE conviction. She is our youngest and I know that our story telling, all details shared, can’t wait to tell mom everything days are numbered. I relish these times and am sure that all senses are engaged when she is ready to talk. No writing, no cooking, no TV watching in the background, no dual conversations w/her dad. She is a gift and I want to invest in her, soak up her fun, shape her future, with Jesus at the center. Affirmation of her worth, value, goals, unconditional love are at the top of the need list right now.

  97. Christi Burnett says:

    Definately affirmation ! Especially when they’re going through a hard time.

  98. My 12 year old needs affirmation and then some! She is at such a spot where she doubts herself with every hairdo, outfit, and word spoken!! My 7 year old is a sponge for all three but she needs affirmation too to continue to build her confidence in the right directions. Thank you for this wonderful devotion today!

  99. I’m in! I posted on your email by accident.

  100. My girl just turned 12! She is my only girl – her brother is away at college!! I think she needs ALL 3 – sometimes it depends on the day and what’s going on in her world!!!

  101. My daughter needs affirmation the most. She needs to know that her parents approve of her, think she is a smart, well-behaved and sweet girl. Most of all she needs to know she is loved. I pray she seeks Jesus when she needs affirmation of her self-worth.

  102. Rena Everett says:

    Thanks so much for the reminder that our kids need the three A’s. I have a nineteen year old boy, a twelve year old girl, and an eleven year old boy. I can honestly say that when they have attitudes or are just plain yucky, its because I have not been persistent in giving them the three A’s.
    My daughter needs affection from me, that unfortunatley is the A that I seem to always struggle with. So thanks for the reminder of Valetines day and it being a perfect oppurtunity to be affectionate with her. To send her off to school with a big hug and asking her how I can pray for her tomorrow. I think there is no better gift than prayer. Maybe she will feel the same way.

    I would love the opportunity to share His Revolutionary Love with my daughter and all of her friends at a small group that I lead at our youth group.


  103. Heather P says:

    My daughter is a tween and still needs a lot of attention and affection. I tend to be distracted by things, but do pull away from my stuff occasionally.

  104. My oldest 7 year old daughter thrives on affirmation…my middle 6 year old boy loves affection and my smallest 4 year old boy would love all of my attention….Of course they do need all three, but you can tell which one they need the most.

  105. Ronna DeMichiel says:

    My daughter needs affirmation. This devotion made me mindful of the fact that I need to find opportunities to give my daughter genuine affirmation.

  106. I have 3 daughters, ages 13, 11 & 7. It’s funny how for each of them, it is something different! While they each certainly need all 3 A’s, each one of them craves something specificmore than the others do.. It’s remarkable how three girls from the same family, can be so unique. Proof that God has created each one of them to be special, exactly as He designed them!

  107. i have a 20 yr old and a 18 yr old that could use all three. It has been a very challenging year as their father and I have seperated. They both have had a difficult time and I am trying everything I can possibly think of to help them through this. It seems at times I am at a loss for the right thing to say or do, then after the fact i have the words but not their attention. I pray I can help them through this and have the close connection we used to when they were small…

  108. I am posting the 3 A’s on my desk to remind me at all times.

  109. Lynn Carr says:

    UN-divided attention for a bit of every day, for sure =)

  110. Dear Lynn, I thank God that I came across your reminder today of what is most important. Something about the way you worded it maybe? I actually think about it often lately, but I am ashamed to say that most of the time anymore, I find myself saying “hold on just a minute until I get X, Y, or Z done”. I am raising two girls on my own that are 4 and 10. I know they deserve and need so much more.

    I watched your video clip as well. Growing up in home where God was was not present, I found I learned many of the truths you spoke of the hard way, and that only God can fill us up. Though, I do still need reminding from time to time. 😉

    It saddens me to see my oldest daughter struggle the most with this, and at such an early age. She seems very melancholy most of the time. I feel she most needs affirmation and attention. More importantly to know that what God say’s about her is true and that He loves her so much. I am not always quite sure how to go about helping her. I would love to see more joy in her heart again.

    Little sister still seems to all 3 A’s very much.

    Anyhow, please forgive my rambling on, and thank you again for the gentle reminder. I need to be a better steward of the precious little ones that God has blessed me with. They do grow so fast……

  111. Thank you for your encouraging words; after a long day at work and regreting the time away from my children, it’s refreshing to hear that I’m not alone in this parenting journey. My daughter is 10 now and we’re approaching such delicate years in our daughters’ lives, I can only pray that God provides the direction and counsel for us. Pam

  112. seems like lately God has really been trying to tell me to build relationships with my kids – even though they are all young. thanks for the reminder to take time to love – not just discipline – our children! seems like my kids need attention more than anything else! (of course, there are 5 of them so they love it when they get just mommy and me time!)

  113. My 12 yr old daughter wants all three! I need to do as you mentioned and put things aside, make more eye contact…

  114. At this time my 17Valentine yr old daughter needs my attention and my 20heart and 25I yr old son’s need affirmation.

    [email protected]

  115. My kids are still little– 3 yr old boy needs affection more…loves hugs and cuddle time and I tell him too often that I’m too busy to stop. 2 yr old daughter definitely needs attention at this stage…she’s constant motion and into doing everything I am doing and wants me to see each and every little thing she does. It’s exhausting, but at least she forces me to stop what I’m doing and notice her. 🙂 Baby girl is only 4 months, so we’ll see as she gets older which A most helps her.

  116. Lindsay Cravens says:

    I have had this intense fear that I will have the same strained relationship with my daughter that I had with my mother growing up. My mother struggled to show me any of the three “A’s” as I was growing up. Now I find myself a mother that struggles to do the same for my daughter. This devotion touched my heart and I do realize that I have to make an everyday choice to nurture my daugther in affirmation, affection and attention. Thank you for the wisdom and I truly look forward to reading your book!

  117. Praise the Lord.Iam so blessed by this devotional ‘ let’s make time’.just this week i was laboring to explain to a girl friend about the need to spend time with children cause they leave us earlier than we expect and she was not getting my point. Am so glad that there are a number of women that think the way i do. I have three daughters aged between 5 and eleven.the oldest yearns for affirmation, the 2nd one longs for affection and the 3rd loves attention. Being a fulltime working mom with a job outside of home always sresse me by the time i get home and always find myself in a fix.however this year i have decided to shed off all the things that can wait as i concetrate on loving my gals and teach them the love of god and family. iam so blessed today.God bless you. how can i access your items.I live in Kampala uganda and here it is very expensive to own a credit card which would make purchases easier? eve

    1. Eve!I am so touched that we can reach out across the ocean and partner together in raising our girls!

      I post lot of free content Herron my website. Be sure to check those out under the tab that says “freebies”. I hope that helps!

  118. This was a timely reminder for me. I have not one, but three girls and they are all in need of all 3, but especially my daughter who is almost 11. We try to spend time together at night before bed, but it has been more than a month with such a busy life for us both. My mission is to make this a priority no matter what over the next month as life will get even busier after that with the birth of our sixth baby in March!

  119. Oh, Lynn, I am soooo struggling with connecting with and enjoying my 4 daughters (ages 6 to 10) right now. All seems chaos and noise and arguments … Several things this last week have reminded me of the brevity of time with them. Yet, I feel as though I hardly know them. And it is heart breaking. I don’t even know where or how to start, feeling paralyzed, defeated, & overwhelmed. (And this is the 1st time I’ve EVER commented on any sort of post, you really got to me!)

    1. Lisa, you are not alone, just brave enough to speak of it. This world screams at us that all these things in our lives (most of which will end up in a garage dump) are so important. I have heard many moms say that they are putting a note that says “The 3 A’s” on their frig or desk. I wonder if this little reminder might help you too!

      Please keep coming back and being a part of our community; we need each other!

  120. Wow this is such a powerful devotion for me today!! I just rededicated my life to the Lord six months ago today and I have been going through many different changes and the thing I stuggle with the most right now is making time for my kids and showing them all of the 3 – A’s. I have an 11 yr old boy and an 8 yr old girl which I love very much and would do anything for. Well I say I will do anything for them but then I catch myself getting so busy with other things (house cleaning, bills, cooking, etc.) that I find myself ignoring them. My biggest fear is maybe i’m not giving paying enough attention to see what they truly need from me. I try give them attention, affection and affirmation everyday but I sometimes wonder if it’s really when they need it!! Please pray with me and for me that God will help me to open my eyes and my heart to them not only when it’s convenient for me but when they really need it the most.

    Lynn, thank you for who you are and what you do!!! You and “Proverbs 31 Ministries” have made a huge impact in my life over the past serveral months… God bless you all!!!

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Michelle!

      Father, in your name I pray that you will open Michelle’s eyes and heart to see when her kids really need her. Mine too Jesus! Help us to be unselfish with them the way you are with us. Amen

  121. My daughter who is almost 9 needs more attention and affection from me. I could really use your book to help. Loving the information on the site.

  122. My daughter needs all three. In this “busyness” we call life, I really need to step back and realize that it will all pass too quickly…in the blink of an eye. Please pray for me to remember this the next time my daughter asks me to play makeover with her. Thank you.

  123. andrea stanley says:

    I believe my oldest daughter needs all 3. And after reading this post I am going to work harder to provide them for her. Thank you for sharing.

  124. Struggling every day to try to find a way to show affirmation to a step-daughter who wants nothing to do with me or my two children. We have all suffered the loss of a spouse/parent and really need each other to get through the valleys but, my efforts have not paid off. She is defiant and rebellious and life is soooooo difficult for us all. Praying for a heart change for both of us because I have not the strength to weather another temper tantrum from a 16 year old. The rest of our children need mommy too – I don’t know how to love her.
    Blessings, thanks for your ministry!

  125. Would love to win this book to go through with my tween daughter and share with others in ministry.

  126. Hmmm … probably all three, but affirmation seems to be particular important to her these days. She likes knowing that I see the good things she’s doing and it builds her confidence : )

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