Countering Mean Girls

Welcome to those of you visiting from the Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion. Iโ€™m glad youโ€™re here!

Mean Girls

There probably isn’t one of you visiting today who hasn’t been impacted by a mean girl at one time or another. My senior year, it was actually a mean guy. To tell you the truth, he really wasn’t so mean; in fact, he was a good friend of mine. But don’t you know even friends can really hurt us sometimes! I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was standing in the Social Studies hall of Cedar Falls High School when he called out for all to hear, “Lynn, why do you bother wearing a bra? You are so flat, you should just wear band-aids!” It doesn’t have to be untrue to be mean, does it friends! This same “friend” nick named me “Lucy” from the Peanuts gang…not exactly what you would call “hot” nor a comparison a girl in high school wants!

Power Words

Fortunately, God’s word is full of the truth on how He sees me…and you! I’d love to say that the damaging words of my youth were left back in time, but that’s not true. In fact, the Bible tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death in Proverbs 18:21. If our words are that powerful, than friend, let’s use them to our advantage!

Overcoming the Mean Girl

When my kids have run into (and still run into) mean “girls”, I share with them these three truths:

1) Most mean people are hurting people.

Have you ever heard the saying “Wounded dogs bite?” Ask your child a few questions about the offender. Do they get picked on? Do you know anything about their family life? Do they struggle to make friends? The answer to some of these questions just may contain the reason they pick on others.

2) Jealousy can be the cause.

People will often “bite” at those they are jealous of; those they wish they could be like. Is your child smart? Successful? Well liked? If jealousy is the root cause, the best thing you can do is simply walk away and don’t say a word.

3) Your child might be provoking it.

This is the hardest one for us to believe…my child? Ask your child what type of interaction is happening between them and the offended. Is your child correcting the person? Does your child annoy the offender? Too often as parents we miss the fact that our child is actually bringing some of the behavior on. If we suspect that may be the problem but can’t pinpoint it, it may help to ask a teacher who witnesses the dynamic between them.

Mom, remember that a confident child is far less likely to be picked on that one with low self-esteem. You can play a huge part in instilling God-powered confidence in the life of your daughter. On Monday, we’ll be starting chapter one of my study “His Revolutionary Love” here on my blog and on FaceBook at Lynn Cowell’s Online Bible Studies. It’s not too late for you to begin this study with your daughter or a young woman in your life who needs to know that she is crazy about. her. Confidence created by Love empowers girls to make wise choices. Be a wiser woman raising wiser daughters!

Today I am giving away a signed copy of “His Revolutionary Love” as well as the foundational message at my “Revolutionary Love” conferences on DVD. Just share with me by clicking on comments below which of the three tips above you thought was the most helpful to be included in our give away. And if you just don’t have time for that say, “I’m in!” Can’t wait to hear from you! Be sure to stop back by on Monday when I will post the winner!

Lynn

Lynn

91 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think in my step daughter's life it is jealousy that would play a role. She is a beautiful and sweet girl but I want her to focus more on internal beauty than external I want her to know that she is so much more than just a beautiful looking girl. Sometimes people just see what we look like on the outside and never get to know who we really are. I pray that she builds her confidence by learning to walk in God's Word and not just external feedback. Thanks for the devotion…

  2. Erin Adkins says:

    That most mean people are hurting people. That is so true. It took me years to realize that when I was being brought down, it was so someone else could feel "better" about themselves. It is definitely sad and now I know that I must show them love & acceptance vs. lashing back out to them, confirming their insecurities. Thank you for the devotion.

  3. I'm in… I think number 3 was most helpful to me. Thanks for this devotion.

  4. I think the provoking tip was helpful. I have two daughters, so I think this would be a helpful read. Thank you for today's devotion.

    Jen

  5. Irisha (ptenez78@bk.ru) says:

    I'm in! To me the most helpful principle is #1. It helps me to remember that people who hurt me, often also struggle with some pain and wound in their heart. It helps me because I try to see the situation from their point of view and try to understand what makes them do or say things that they do. Thank you for your devotional!

  6. I found all three tips helpful and very insightful. I have two daughters and have had to deal with the "mean girl" issue on several occasions. I also dealt with it in my own life as a teenager. I have noticed however, that girls seem to be getting meaner at a much younger age. I find it sad that this type of behavior is now starting in elementary school when one would think that it would normally start in middle school. Thanks for this devotion!!!

  7. Friends, the mean girls scenerio doesn't stay in middle school does it? I think one thing we can do to help those coming up behind us is model how we handle mean girls. Just like Lysa's devotion from yesterday, when you encounter mean girls in your life, how do you handle it? Share with your girl how you look to Jesus for wisdom and for the forgiveness you will have to demonstrate. Remember, things are more caught than taught! Be the wise woman who is raising a wiser daughter!

  8. That brings back high school memories. I have a daughter and am hoping she won't have to feel like I did when I was in school. This may be what we need and it be wonderful to share with our youth group at church.

  9. So much pain is caused by meanness, especially by other girls. It breaks my heart to see my daughter's response as she gows older. It's almost as if she is trying to toughen up to rise to the standard. And I recall one of many of my own incidences in my loss of childlike innocence and comradarie with others. My first year of Junior High I had learned that to be like Jesus was to serve others. Wanting to live that truth I offered to go in the lunch line for another student. When I returned with the lunch I was met with the comments "your a Tool", "you have been used" and other mean things! Every time I see my daughter as she navigates through Mean Girl waters – I am challenged to pray (ceaselessly) and reminded of so many of the meanesses I remember – SUrviving our encounters with Mean Girls and Adult Women too, I am convinced ,can only be achieved by the love that is shed abroad in our hearts by the Lover of our souls and keeper of our hearts. Lynne, thank you for this…oh and I guess- mean people are huring people is the choice I would say…I know I continue to be challenged (even now) to not allow the hurts encountered to usurp or undermine the Authority of God in my life. It is still a battle…but now I am fighting for my daughter's faith in God by praying , hoping and trusting…

  10. It's so true that mean people are hurting people. Unfortunately, I notice myself growing angry lately due to some hurt going on in my own life right now. Gotta stop that in its tracks before it gets out of control! What a great book for teen girls and adults alike!

  11. "Your devotion is timely. Most mean people are hurting people is so true. When you see this as an avenue for ministry instead of retaliation, God can do great things in both hearts! Thanks for sharing Lynn.

  12. Anonymous says:

    My daughter will be a senior this year. She is pretty quiet and doesn't have a lot of friends. As much as I try to encourage her with God's word, I wonder why it is so hard for her to make friends. I sometimes wonder if it stems from jr. high where kids made cruel remarks to her. I think she is fearful of stepping out and building relationships. Maybe it is because of your 3rd remarks and she is coming on too strong. idk – I'll keep praying about it. Thanks for your devotional. Nanci @ kelbla@aol.com

  13. Anonymous says:

    Thankfully it is not too late to join this study. I have three girls and know how catty girls can be these days. We even have to fight this tendency among sisters! The devil knows women and how to get into their heads. He has done this since Genesis, so I am trying to raise my girls to fight this and see the source of "mean": Satan. I can't pick a top tip because they all go back to the source and looking beyond what we can see first hand. Thanks for a great encouragement. Melodie

  14. Mean people are often hurting people – that stands out to me. While the other two points are just as valid – the first point seems to be where we are today. I deeply want to instill God's truths in my children now in the hopes of sparing them some of the pain that the tongue can inflict. This book is just what we need! Thank you, Lynn!

  15. Anonymous says:

    I'm in! All 3 were helpful, but in our current situation you just described one of her life-long friends in #3. It's a difficult situation because our entire family has been friends (we go to church together) and I have spent much time trying to point out to my daughter what SHE might be doing wrong. I have finally had to take a step back and see the situation for what it truly is. The girl is annoying, a know it all, and is mean (but in a very sneaky way) and because of this, my daughter no longer cares to be around her outside of the required events (church, youth, etc.)
    Thanks for sharing. This parenting thing is NOT easy–I need all the help I can get!
    Looking forward to the Bible study

  16. I guess I never thought about the other child being jealous of my child. This one made me stop and think, and try to think of ways to maybe try to help my child help the other child.

    Thank you!!!

  17. I believe there are many hurting people in the world so think #1 is most helpful.

    ABreading4fun [at] gmail [dot] com

  18. When someone has hurt my child by their words or actions, I often ask my child do you know anything about that child's family life. More times than not the offender has come from a broken home and as you said they are hurting, so that is how they want others to feel. As the old phrase goes, "misery loves company". Thank you for sharing your gift from God.

  19. Allison A says:

    It is good to be reminded that most people who hurt us in word or deed are usually lashing out because they are hurting, themselves. Jesus was able to forgive his persecutors for much more than we will ever have to encounter.

  20. Unfortunately at 11 yrs old, my daughter has already encountered mean girls and sometimes I am at a loss for words on how to respond. Great post on ways to encourage her and deal with these mean girls. I would love a copy of the book!

  21. Wow! My youngest daughter and I just had a conversation about jealousy and mean people. The timing for this article is perfect. My daughter is begging for a facebook account and while part of me agrees it is a wonderful way to keep up with what's going on, it is also a place that is ripe with opportunity to hurt others. My daughter is at camp until Sunday afternoon, I am going to share this with her when she returns. Thank you so much!

  22. Anonymous says:

    I'm in… I think number 2 was most helpful to me. Thanks for this devotion.
    Looking forward to the study!

    KerryAnn

  23. Rochelle Roberts says:

    Most mean people are hurting people. This is so true….they strike out at you in order to draw attention to themselves. I work with four and five year olds. The children with the most discipline problems and / or the most needs are the ones that are struggling at home. When the children are struggling to have a good day, week or month there is almost always an issue going on at home. They act out in order to get the much needed attention and love they are missing at home. It is sad to think that little ones do not get the love and attention they crave.

  24. Thank you for your crisp information for our girls – you truly have the gift of clarity and understanding.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I'm in! My daughter experienced mean comments when she was in first grade, imagine that!! We do need to remember though that the people who are being mean need God's love to heal their own personal hurts just as much as those they are hurting with their words. Thanks for this devotional!

  26. I've seen all three in the life of my daughter and in the girls in my youth group. And yes, the hardest to admit is that MY girl could be the problem. Thank you for this post, I plan to use it with my girls when we get together.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Mean words do stick, but it's good to have a salve like God's word. Thanks for sharing. I agree sometimes we just need to walk away- pray for the individual & for our hearts/attitude in being wronged as well.

  28. Lynn, I am so thankful for your blog! I just started His Revolutionary Love with my 11 yr old daughter last night. She has gone to a small church school since she was two years old and this year she will be starting 7th grade in a public school. The timing of your online Bible study could not be more perfect for us! I remember being that age and being picked on and teased by the boys. I want so much to raise confident daughters. I also have a 9yr old daughter. You are a God-send!!!

  29. My daughter was definitely picked on starting as young as 1st grade. Nothing in particular, just that the person was jealous of her as she had befriended a friend of hers. She wanted her all to herself. This hurt very deeply. It was very difficult lesson to learn and to be so young. We do need God's word to help us in this mean society, especially in school. Thank you so much for your advice.

  30. The first two tips are easy to figure out, but the third tip is a dozy! I sometimes wonder if that is what is happening with my oldest. It is very hard to have that discussion with your child. Now that I have found your blog, I will be better equipped to help her and her younger sibling out when the time arises. Thanks!

  31. I have a 15 y/o daughter who is the mean girl…And I feel completely and utterly helpless, not hopeless because I am well aware of what God can do with any situation no matter how horrific it may seem. Sometimes it seems as if I am up against satan himself with all of the "craziness" my daughter pulls. Please pray for her, her name is Ali, and as her mother I LOVE her dearly but there are days when I simply do not like her. I know she is hurting because of the lack of relationship with her father but I believe there is NEVER an excuse to mistreat others, NEVER…

  32. This past year our 3rd child (second daughter) went to 8th grade at a magnet school (from 7 years in a christian school to first yr in public school) and boy was it tough. The mean girl phase was very much everywhere, especially in her dance class. This devotion was very helpful in helping me as a mom in a biblical direction I need to go the next time it happens! Bless you!!!

  33. I'm very new at parenting with this mean girl thing. I was bullied a lot in school (and currently by my supervisor at work) and never did learn how to stop it or effectively deal with it. I pray every night that my daughter is never a victim the way I was (that if she has to go through it at least she can learn to stand up for herself) and that she's never the bully. She can be very bossy and corrects people (even at 4) so we are working on that as well as keeping up her self-esteem. Thank you for this devotion and series. I look forward to reading more.

  34. The most important for us to remember is that hurting people, hurt people. When we find out the real reason why these girls are "mean", then we can start ministering to them.

    I'm a kidsmin leader and I think this would be a great book to help me understand better what they are going through. I have 2 young boys ๐Ÿ™‚

  35. This reminds me of things my mom used to tell me when I was a kid. Things like: kids tease because they are jealous or kids tease because they want to make themselves feel better. Those messages helped me as I was growing up. It helped me remember not to take things said too heart. I even felt sorry for them sometimes. This sounds like a wonderful book/study. I would love to do this with my daughters. I am expecting my fourth daughter in July. I think this could be a great resource for teaching them all sound ideas to help them throughout life. Thank you for developing this study.

  36. IT is truly not by chance I found your blog today. My daughter is a survivor of a brain tumor. She is now twenty-two and was diagnosed at four months of age. I am looking forward to sharing your words of wisdom with her. THANK you from the bottom of my heart.

  37. My daughter is definitely in need of some self confidence. She blames herself for the recent lose her step-dad through divorce. She's also feeling inadequate because she's the 'new kid' in town and friends she's making mostly have 2 parents. And, her new middle school isn't the small Christian private school she's grown up in. She's had a good foundation but I know that her faith will be tested in this new environment. I hope your book will provide some assistance in keeping her grounded in her faith.

  38. Most mean people are hurting people. This is the one that I have experienced most often in my life. Unfortunately it has happened with someone in my family. It still hurts when she makes the comments that she does. It isn't easy to remember that she does it not to be mean but because she herself is hurting herself. Thank you for reminding me about this truth.

  39. Terri Davis says:

    My daughters were very well behaved and did well in school. But they were frequently hurt by not only mean girls but mean female teachers! Amazing what envy can make some people do. We just encouraged them to be true to themselves. I only wish I knew the Lord as I do now so that I could have shared relevant scripture with them. I would love to share your book and study with my sisters and their daughters.

  40. Your message is so needed at a time like this. I think that your truth that "mean people are hurting people" is so true.

    My daughter is eleven and has suffered from verbal darts being thrown her way.

    I think we are world of hurting and lost souls. Media tells these young girls that this is the normal way of behavior. Yet, it is so far from how our heavenly Father desires for us to be.

    Thank you so much for encouraging these young girls and equipping us moms with your wise words.

    Jenny
    jennydevening.blogspot.com

  41. Melanie McKinley says:

    I thought girls were mean when I was young. They are twice as vicious now. My daughter this past year has been introduced to the mean girl stuff – sadly from someone she thought was her friend. I suspect it was the jealousy factor that provoked the almost yearlong attack. I would love to have this book to read with my daughters and share with our neighbors daughters. Thanks so much for your beautiful devotion. Melanie Mckinley mamckinley3@yahoo.com

  42. It is a fine line to walk between helping our self-centered teens learn to place others above themselves while also showing them how important and beautiful they are to God. I think #3 comes into play here. I'm looking forward to spending this time with my daughter

  43. I find it difficult to pick only one. They all are things that need to be looked at when searching for reasons why. Sometimes it can be a combination of them. The key is to hopefully understand a bit so that we can do differently if we can or need to, but most importantly is to believe God. Thank you for your words on this subject.

  44. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that mean people are hurting people. I am learning that I need to take the moments that I feel hurt and ponder that I can't imagine the pain they feel that is causing them to reflect it back on me and others. Then I need to take that as a nudge to pray that Jesus will heal their hurts, and show them grace, mercy, and love.

    It saddens me that I have seen this pattern start as early as preschool with my daughter. It can be difficult to teach all the lessons that I have been taught about this through my own life, especially when it seems that my daughter is already "programmed" into thinking that beauty and love from others comes with looks or style. We don't teach that in our home yet those lies still penetrate. I remind her daily that God made her perfect just the way she is and that she is precious to God and her daddy and me.

  45. Number 3 was most helpful because its the one we never want to admit that our children are not completely innocent. Thank you for this study. I have a 14 yr daughter and I know we'd get a lot out of this study.

  46. Charity D. says:

    I would have to say 1 & 2. I am not a mother yet and am only 24 but I saw this happen to my older sister throughout junior high and highschool to the point where she no longer had any confidence in who she was and turned away from God. It breaks my heart to know that my parents and I could have done so much to prevent this just by encouraging her and loving her. Unfortunately my parents did not take the time to understand the situation and tried to force her into therapy and taking medication for depression when that's not what she needed. She made some poor decisions due to her lack of self esteem but has since met a wonderful man who loves her tremendously (though he is not a Christian either) and is married and expecting her first child any day now. I pray that she will see Gods love shining through me and realize her worth in His eyes.

    All this to say I have seen the power of destructive words when not combated with God's love and grace. I am looking forward to your book to help prepare me for being a mom some day ๐Ÿ™‚

  47. Hi Lynn,
    Thank you for your post, As I read the list of reasons girls get picked on I asked myself " why did I get picked on?" Then I read children with low self esteem get picked on and bingo that was it. I had no self esteem and was victim to mean girls and guys. I have daughters now and I don't want them to grow up victims of bullying I would really like your book to read for myself and also so I know how to help my daughters have healthy self esteem.

  48. I'M IN…AND HOPE TO WIN…lol! ๐Ÿ™‚

    2.) Jealousy could be the Cause!
    When young girls are unaware of who they are or if they are constantly compared…the seed of Jealousy can sprout up! They don't think they can meet up to those standards. It'll lead to meanness and bitterness. We need to affirm the young ladies of the world today. They need to know who they are in God. And their uniqueness should always be explained. God didn't create us to be alike or jealous!
    Awesome devotion!

  49. Anonymous says:

    #1 Mean people are hurting people. I love that we can teach our girls to empathize but also help them understand that they can walk away when they have been hurt. Can't wait to read more of your blog – I just joined the Prov 31 daily devotionals.

  50. Luckily my 15 year old daughter has not gone through any of this yet, and I pray she doesn't. My stepdaughter however has and I think some of it is provoked by her and she was raised in a different environment. She is now heading off to college and I would love to give her your book to take along with her.

  51. Kristy Cabrera says:

    I'm in! I have two beautiful daughters who both struggle with self esteem and body issues. All three of us are chubby and I have a hard time teaching them to love themselves because of my own lack of confidence. I loved your Proverbs 31 article today because it has great insight in showing my daughters (and myself) through scripture how God sees and loves us!!! I tell them that God created them to be just as they are but haven't looked up or written out the scriptures for them to see it themselves! Thank you for teaching us how to reinforce God's image of our daughters to them! God bless

  52. Mindy Lange says:

    I'm in!
    I have to admit, I was a "Mean Girl" in high school. I was nice as pie & had a lot of friends. I was probably the meanest to my older sister who was only a grade ahead of me and very much the opposite of my extroverted personality. I would make fun of her and tell her that I have more friends than her which included kids in her class. I have since "grown up" a lot and she is now my best friend! She has a teenage daughter who is struggling with "mean girls" & I am trying to be a mentor to her with what she is going through. Because of her struggles I have realized that I was one of "those" girls and I get very frustrated but I know that through my Christian walk, I have been forgiven! Thank you so much for an excellent subject & I hope I win the book & DVD so that I might possibly be able to share it with the girls in our youth at church who are struggling!

  53. I don't like to think that my daughter might provoke mean comments…but sometimes teenagers underestimate the power of their own comments. THANKS for a great devotion!

  54. While I do not have a daughter, this devotional hit home for me as I was the victim of mean girls throughout my middle and high school years, even at a Catholic high school. My tendency to be overweight and my high GPA did not endear me to any of the "popular" clique and led to ridicule and ostracization. I am trying to pass along to my sons the dangers of this kind of thinking and encouraging them to look for inner beauty instead of outward appearance. I also hope to pass along the message of God's Revolutionary Love through ministry to those healing from abuse, addiction and other crises.
    God bless you in your work.

  55. Im in!!! I think all three were good points. I have a 16 year old daughter and this devotion has confirmed everything we have been discussing. Thanks for the devotion!!!

  56. Anonymous says:

    Mean people are hurting people! That is definitely true! I am so in!!! Thanks for all you do!
    Karen R.

  57. I would have to agree with the mean people tip. But I would take it further and say it was more than just mean people that are hurting, that is was people that have not met Jesus and havent learned to tame their tongue. When I was younger I heard a christian speaker say that hurt people hurt other people. And that adage has stuck with me into my adult years. I love the Lord and I have learned to the importance of my words and yet I still find myself at times saying a mean word out of hurt before I catch myself. I think the key is to not only know what God thinks about us but to also know that other person just needs some of Gods love to soften their hurt, as well as knowing that a persons mean words only come from the enemy and thats why its so important to always look at others through the eyes of Jesus. A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up strife.

  58. i have always thought it's helpful to remember that mean people are hurting inside. They need a savior just like the rest of us, and mask their pain with mean, hurtful words. thanks for the encouragement today, I'm starting now with my kids although they're still young, to build up that confidence in God that is the only thing worth having confidence in!

  59. Anonymous says:

    I'm in! I think the provoking tip was helpful. I have a daughter that would benefit from reading today's devotion. Thanks for your insight.

  60. I think the fact that hurting people hurt people is an important point. As a young person we take everything personal and it's all about us and we don't think about the other person.

    I am on an email prayer chain at work and I am amazed at the prayer requests we get every day from people who work alongside us and are dealing with major issues at home such as caring for elderly parents, marital problems, children on drugs/alochol, family members dying of cancer or going through some type of trauma due to an accident or abuse. We wonder why when we pass them in the hall they don't speak to us or when we talk to them on the phone they bite our head off. If we only took the time to care we would find that they are bearing heavy burdens.

    My scripture memory this past two weeks is so appropriate: I Peter 4:8 "Love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

  61. I'm in. In my daughter's case, I think it was a combination of all three. The girl who was bullying her probably was hurting, was also jealous of my daughter's friendships and after awhile, my daughter got so tired of it, that she began to retaliate and I'm sure that provoked it even more. It is really sad when you think about it. We all get hurt sometimes and unfortunately end up hurting others. I do want to instill confidence in my daughter that she is loved unconditionally by her father in heaven and he is the only one who really matters. Thank you for your blog.

  62. As a former high school teacher, I understand all too well the consequences of "mean girls." I had a ZERO tolerance for it in the classroom and one of my main goals was to try and help the girls see a bigger picture and that words were even more harmful than they could imagine giving people lasting scars. I was a victim of it myself growing up both from an older sibling and kids in school during junior high. I am still having issues with my older sibling being the "mean girl" and because of it we do not have a relationship. I so want to get this book and DVD so that it may help to reconcile our relationship and that she may even come to know Christ. It would also be a good tool for me to use with my daughter so that she can be better prepared for when she is in school as I went though it alone having an emotionally absent mother.

  63. sorry i forgot to add which one was most helpful. To me it is that most people are hurting people. I believe this is the turmoil between my sister and I… she is so unhappy and also has many jealously issues.

  64. Anonymous says:

    I will choose tip #1 eventhough they are all good. I have 2 daughters, 11 and 10 years olds. Many times they have come home sad because someone has been mean to them. In trying to help them feel better, I find myself telling my daughters that mean people are sometimes hurting because someone has hurt them before; at times they say yes that's true. So I then ask them to pray for these children because they need to find peace. I usually tell them, don't be mean or unkind but defend yourselves; say you don't appreciate what they are doing; never show fear. I tell them to never believe the mean lies because God made them beautiful and as God's children they are beautiful. My kindergartner has told kids that when they make fun of him, they are making fun of God's creation. ๐Ÿ™‚

  65. My heart breaks when i think about this. I have five girls and all have or will at some point. If for no other reason, they are african american in a predominantly white community. I am glad to see so much press being given to the problem…hopefully it will be quickly and appropriately addressed in the schools soon…

  66. Unfortunately my daughter was that mean girl unintentionally. She has a lot of self confidence and is quite outspoken. She also provoked some of the meaness shown towards her. She has since learned that it's not always what you say that is mean;but how you say it.

  67. Hi Lynn, Your devotional spoke so much to me today. I have a 12 year old who is pushing 5ft 8in tall. Every day someone reminds her she is "sooooo ttaaalllll" or they call her saskwatch. Plus they make fun of her nose. She is a beautiful girl, but she doesn't believe it. Her self-esteem is so low that I am at a loss. Thru your devotional, I feel I have a key to help her. I need to teach her who she is in God's eyes and who He created her to be. Our pastor has a saying "hurt people hurt people". So true. Thank you agian. Love and blessings, Julie

  68. It is so true that hurt people, hurt people. I have seen this happen over and over to my daughter, to her daughter and to me. Being in women's ministry I hear so many stories of the wounds inflicted. I love being able to share from gleenings of your teachings and well as others to help them surrender their hurts and their haunts to God, lay it at the cross and allow their hearts to become whole. God bless you!

  69. I found all 3 tips helpful. And I'm looking forward to this study. I'm a little worried that I won't be able to keep up because of so many other commitments right now, but going to try!

  70. Mean people are hurting people.

  71. Anonymous says:

    I praise the Lord for your message, Lynn. I have four granddaughters coming along. The oldest is 10. Their mother is a teacher and she and my son try very hard to make each of the young ladies feel very special. I know any help is appreciated by their parents. I thank God for their leadership and love for God. Fannie in Kansas
    fgoldsmith@cox.net

  72. Oh my Lynn, I am very excited about this devotional! I just read my Encouragement For Today devotional and I am going to share it with my niece. I am a mother of two boys and after doing the study with my niece I will go over the information (revised) with my sons. There have been a many times with my boys that I've had to talk with them and remind them that they were created in the image of God. Remind them of how special they are to me but more importantly, that God thought they were so special that He sent Jesus to die for them!
    Back to my niece…..
    She has had several conflicts in school because classmates have viewed her as "dark". This is an issue that all of us in our family have made it our own responsibility to encourage her & tell her how beautiful she is, not just outside but inside as well. We remind her that she is made in God's image, we remind her that she is God's own personal masterpiece, we remind her that God loves her so much that He took the time to count each and every hair upon her head! God is so amazing that in my desire, to encourage and help her discover who God wants her to be, that He will be encouraging me to be who He desires for my life…….
    Regardless of what people say or do! God bless you sis,
    In Christ,
    XciTed4Jesus

  73. Thank you so much for doing this. I experienced painful comments when I was growing up that I still struggle with to this day. And one of the offenders has even apologized and said it was lies, but that didn't take away the damage. I've seen my own children hurt but mean boys and girls and it breaks your heart as a parent. We have needed a book like this to help us lift up that sword of truth, thank God you have heard him and written this! Mau God bless you and many others through you!

  74. Number 3 really hit home. My daughter has a strong personality that not everyone can handle. She rarily has a off button so I think that some of the teasing she enndures is from that as sad at it is with a group of 7 yr olds…

    Athena

  75. Anonymous says:

    I'm in! I have 3 daughters, one of which is starting middle school in the Fall. I think their God confidence is the most important aspect in dealing with "mean girls"….desperately want to do the Revol. Love with my girls…..
    Lynn

  76. The third comment, stating that your child just may be provoking the mean person or offender was very helpful, however all three of these tips hit it right on. This is something I always consider when my daughters are talking to me about other girls that seem to have an issue with them for no apparent reason… i often ask them about how did they come across to the other person or could they have did or said something to provoke the mean person. I am very concerned with my youngest daughter who is so conscious of her outer appearance, she is a very pretty girl externally and inside but something is definately wrong because she doesn't ever want to be caught with anything out of place. Its almost like she has a self esteem issue. I want to help my daughter with what I am witnessing but not sure where to start until I checked my email and found this. Thank you

  77. In my children's lives, provoking plays a large role in their hurtful words towards each other. I recognize all three reasons and pray daily for the wisdom and discernment in leading them to holiness and purity of the lips.

  78. Anonymous says:

    Hi Lynn,
    I have encountered mean girls in my life as well as my daughter's. I will tell you when it is your children suffering through it, it hurts much more. I believe in her instance #2 was the reason. We were active, loving parents and I think they were jealous of that. Thanks for the giveaway! Have a blessed weekend.
    Janet

  79. While I completely agree with all three points, I always remind my girls to look for ways they can help the other person. Even if they aren't provoking the other person, are they doing all they can to help that person? A kind gesture can go a long way!

    mamacurls.blogspot.com

  80. I agree about the wounded dogs I have aan 18 year old who I am going To do this study with . I don't know what the age level for this study is but I know a wounded 30 year old who I would like to get to go through this study is that to old I feel like she never got any self confidence growing up she was just always to she would never amount to anything in life she is very bitter Thanks Miranda

  81. Miranda,

    I just received an email this morning from a woman who is 44 saying "His Revolutionary Love" changed her life. This is not the first time an adult woman has said this. If you feel like the message in this book is a good fit, yes, I recommend you give it to your friend!

    Thanks!
    Lynn

  82. RxDrMom: The posts from my study will be here on my blog indefinitely. I will put in the title of each one HRL so that you will know which ones go with the study. I hope that helps!

    Lynn

  83. Anonymous says:

    I don't think this mean girl concept is anything new and it isn't limited to young ladies. I can remember watching Archie Bunker berate his wife Edith years ago on the popular T V sitcom "All in the Family." His lines got big laughs, but I didn't think it was funny at all. I wonder if Jean Stapelton ever wanted to ad-lib a few zingers to her TV husband. More recently, "Ugly Betty" was popular. Betty probably couldn't have won any beauty titles, but she was a far cry from ugly. She was a very loyal, talented person. What's wrong with the title "Smart Betty?" That certainly would have been more positive. It is amazing what we as a society have allowed to become acceptable behavior. There is another side to this problem of mean girls. Those that hurl insults or hurtful comments to our precious young ladies need to be held accountable. If we could teach our girls the self-confidence that so many are lacking, maybe then they will be able to stand up for themselves and gently but firmly turn the tables on the mean girls. They probably aren't mean at all, just misguided and in desperate need of love and attention. That doesn't mean their behavior is acceptable. What a challenge; I'm so thankful we serve a God who is bigger than all of this!!!

  84. Anonymous says:

    Is it too late to start? Also, my daughter really doesn't have a reliable friend she can invite to join her in this study. Is it necessary to invite another girl? My daugther is just really struggling trying to find good friends. She is 15 yrs old and does many things by herself. She has tried and reached out to other girls in inviting them to do/this/that, but they either stand her up or they aren't available. I'm struggling as well trying to be positive and not get angry. Summer is a time to have fun, enjoy the warm weather and just be around friends. We are just completing 4 wks of summer vacation and she has not done 1 thing w/anyone. She works out and runs. She just stays in the house. Maybe this study will be a good one we can do together.

  85. I'm in! I have two teenage girls and this is such perfect timing in our lives. We often have discussions about "being mean" and we try to talk about how to use God's word and how God would want us to handle situations. Thanks for your devotionals….

  86. Anonymous says:

    I'm in.
    All this is absolutely new to me and don't feel able to comment anything. I just feel I can get help and I am not alone. I want to be part of this and will continue to read this blog.

  87. Iris Lafferty says:

    The notion that mean people are hurting people is most helpful. This is true in part b/c meaness is often a tool to acquire power; and those that are hurting or are feeling inadequate need to build themselves up.

  88. Anonymous says:

    Jealousy is my thought. The world teaches what counts is what you have and how you look…on the outside rather than what is in your heart. Praying that I may strengthen my granddaughter and guide her to confidence throught Jesus Christ. I look forward to more on this study. Blessings.

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