In The Know – The New Virginity

Welcome to In the Know. My goal is to provide a place where you can find out what is happening in your teen’s culture so that you can have the best possible relationship with your teen. If this is your first time stopping by, thanks for coming! You might enjoy last week’s In the Know on sexting and how this new craze is impacting our teens.

“The New Virginity” is what VH1 called the abstinence stance in their show with the same name this month. It is the sexual revolution in reversal. Celebrities such as the Jonas Brothers, Jordin Sparks, Miley Cyrus, Demi LaVado and Selena Gomez are all endorsing not following the crowd and saving sex for marriage. They proudly wear purity rings on their wedding finger as a visual reminder of the decision they have made.

Marketing promoters have discovered that there is plenty of money to be made in this virginity marketplace and every one wants a piece of it; from thongs made for teens with wording such as “Want some? You can’t have it” to scanty cami’s with similar wording. Stores that typically go for an adult market have found a whole new gold mine in our kids. There is even an Ipod app with a virginity pledge!

Stores are not the only ones trying to make a buck on the value of a girl’s virginity. Natalie Dylan, age 21, last year put her virginity up for sale on ebay to raise money for graduate school. The last I heard the highest bid was for over a million dollars!

So, is this new awareness a positive thing for our kids? I say “yes” and “no”. Yes, there is much talk about saving yourself for your future spouse, but are kids and celebrities really doing that?

We have all been a part of watching many celebrities grow up before our eyes; their clean images discarded and a sex-filled image fills it place as noted by celebrities such as Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson. These double messages are very confusing to immature minds that are trying to figure out this thing called love.

So what about all of these abstinence pledges. Unfortunately for most, pledges don’t work. A recent study has shown that in the majority of the cases, teen virginity pledges are broken, especially when made in large groups such as conferences and when the pressure really pours on in the college years.

So what is a parent to do? How can we come alongside our children and encourage them to make wise decisions to protect their hearts and bodies?

What works is a close relationship with Jesus. We, the parents and the ones who make up the Body of Christ need to teach the truth about WHO love is and that his name is Jesus. Whether they are sexually active or not, teens continue to look for true love. That true love is Jesus Christ. He is enough to fill what teens (and adults) are looking for!

Many teen pledges are more likely to stick when they are made in the context of relationship such as with a parent or a mentoring adult. The best place for these types of discussions and commitments to take place is in a small group setting or their parents. Here teens can ask real life questions and get answers that are not peer-driven. Here teens can continue the process of making the right decisions and loving and caring adults can lead them in a mentoring relationship with love as the motivation.

Kids need real reasons to say “no”. When hormones are flying, the party meter is running and accountability is low, the yet-to-mature teen mind doesn’t think of things such as pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and the future. What can motivate wise decisions is a Person; the One who loves them unconditionally, perfectly and is NEVER FAILING. There is no one on the earth that can promise that…not even Edward Cullen (think “Twilight”).

What can you do? Carve out time to spend with your teen; the earlier the better. Statistics show that those parents who start these types of discussions between the ages of 8 – 12 years old have a better chance of true impact. Share with your child the “whys” of saying no and begin with Jesus. Need additional material? Stop back by tomorrow. I’ll share with you the verses that I share with hundreds of girls each year at my “He is That Into You” conferences as well as with my own daughters as often as they will listen.

If you have found this information helpful, would you forward it to a friend or encourage them to stop by my blog! Together, we can have a real impact on the next generation.

See you tomorrow!




  1. Lynn,

    I am your #1 fan! Thanks for keeping us "In The Know". I am gaining insight from you and I'm sharing it with all the Moms I know!

    Well Done!

  2. onpurpose18 says:

    This isn't exactly the message I'm seeking to share, but it's very close. I say not exactly because I'm not a mother, but I love the why's to "say no" as you put it. I'd love to speak more with you.

  3. Thanks for the link, Wani! I hope others will find it helpful!

    If others have any questions, please feel free to post them…I'll try to answer!

  4. I truly appreciate this series of posts. As a mom of boys (16, 13 and 12) I am constantly looking for biblically based sites to support my parenting. Great article..thanks for the resources and your perspective.

  5. Thanks Melissa! I have three kids too – ages 18, 15, and soon to be 13. Please consider subscibing so you will receive each post. Just look for the little box on my site!

  6. Lynn
    I love your blog and this post! I'm a mom to 3 teens. All of which have chosen purity for their lives as well!
    It is a blessing to have kids that are not interested in conforming to the world. Hubby and I have invested…..from day one in each of them.
    We prayed over them and with them for God's best for them in every situation.
    We also have open discussions about ANY topic. We want them to know the truth!
    Our oldest is now in college and we love hearing from others how he is influencing his peers for Christ!
    Also….we felt it was our job to fill their love tanks. We both know too many kids that search out that love…..from a peer/boyfriend/girlfriend!

    It's one of the best feelings ever to know your kids want to wait….

  7. Wow. This is so eye-opening. As a mom to 15 and 10 year old, we are experiencing all sorts of new challenges in this season of parenting. Thank you, Lynn, for loving teens and loving Jesus.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I am new to your site…love it just the same and in fact got others to check it out as well. I would love to win, I want a closer walk with my Father.
    thank you.
    [email protected]

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