It’s Our Responsibility to Protect Guys
As I write this post, my sixteen year old and her good friends are in our kitchen teaching themselves how to make crepes. In the background – Demi Lovato’s new song “Skyscraper” is playing.
Check out these lyrics:
Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it’s ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like i’m made of glass
Like i’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Like a skyscraper!
While these lyrics do have a positive ending, she will rise again, the power she is giving to another human tears me up! “Do you have to tear me like there is nothing left of me? You can take everything I have? Break everything I have?”
I am guessing that as a mom, you’re heart for your child is similiar to mine: I don’t want my daughter to be that vulnerable with a guy that she allows him the power to tear her; take everything she has. I am teaching my girls to protect their hearts; to guard the most valuable thing she has.
And you know what: I am teaching my girls that it is their responsibility to protect guys too.
Just last week, I was hanging out swimming with Madi, my 14 year old, when she blew me away with this statement: “You know, Mom, everything that we do is selfish.” I think I just sat there with my mouth hanging open for awhile. Did she just say that?
She went on to explain that even our best intentions are often filled with selfish motives. I serve another, because it makes me feel good when I do. I choose not to act the way she acts, not because I know it pleases God, but it makes me feel better when I don’t stoop to their level. I really think Madi is on to something.
So…let’s spring board off her thoughts. When our girls choose to dress a certain way for the sake of “style” or because “that’s what looks good on me”, if it is something that stirs the heart or mind of a boy…or a man…it is selfish. It is selfish because we…I mean, our girl, is thinking more of themselves than of the male who has to fight not to have lustful thoughts.
Friend, this one really starts with us. How do we dress? Do we think it is ok to show our bra straps? (It’s just so much easier not to have to figure out a way to hide them) Do we allow a little bit of cleavage to show saying “it is really no big deal”? These are real challenges for me; a challenge I had as a picked something to wear just this morning when I was already sweating in my bathroom and it was only morning!
Let it start with us. Let us start by being unselfish with our wardrobe and ask the Lord to help us to protect others and honor him.
Where do you struggle to be unselfish? Is it with your dress like me or in another area?
I think that its mostly with the way I dress. I don't really think about it most of the time. When I do its to make me feel good about my self. I have not given thought to the matter of what men think or may feel when they see me. From now on I wll give thought to the matter at hand and give our boys a break.
Thanks for the look out,
Good thoughts on a mostly forgotten (or ignored) topic. Thanks, Lynn.
As a mom of 3 teen sons who want to save their eyes for their future brides, this is a subject I am very passionate about! Most girls AND women don't realize how frustrating it is for a guy to feel he can't even stand around with his friends without seeing parts of them that were never intended to be displayed to the world. It can be really awkward for the guy to feel he can hardly look the woman in the eye to visit because looking at her direction has him seeing way more than he ever wanted to. 🙂
I really appreciate you giving voice to this issue!!
I am glad to hear a parent talking about making decisions based on pleasing God. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized I was given rules and guideline to follow in life so that others wouldn't have negative opinions about me, think certain things about me, etc. I wish that I had been parented from the perspective of, "Make this choice because it's what God desires of you for your happiness and protection." My kids are young (10 and 6), but I am already trying to work that into our decisions. Anyways… just wanted to say thanks for making us all think a little deeper. And, your daughter is totally right… most of us are far too selfish! It's time to shift our thinking!
I'm glad to hear we are all on the same page when it comes to this issue. We need to make it a heart issue and ask the question: why are you wanting to wear what you wear? Ask both our girls and ourselves!
I'm a blog reader, do the Facebook thing and I'm also a twitter follower of yours and Proverbs 31. Y’all normally have so much good to say and that’s why I follow you.
But, it can be confusing!
There seems much that is written on this topic and yet, in real life the opposite is often done.
Your fellow P31 team member, Tracie Miles posts pictures of herself and her teen-age daughters in skimpy swimsuits that I saw via Facebook. Have you looked at your daughter, Mariah's Facebook page lately? Her bra straps are showing.
Is this wrong? Not in my opinion, but the polar opposites between what is fervently written and what is done in real life is really, really confusing.
And, if it's confusing to me as a mom in my late thirties, what's it like for our teen-age daughters?? My 14 year old daughter continuously points out the inconsistencies she sees in terms of what is said and what is actually worn by her girlfriends to church and school.
Great post. And awesome insight from your daughter! It's so true, at least in my life, to always have a selfish motive. Many times it's hidden so deep beneath the surface that I fail to realize just how selfish I really am. Thankfully there is a living Word that is "able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
Dear Anonymous Friend,
Thank you so much for expressing your heart on the inconsistency you see. I appreciate your concern to see me and my family living out what we share.
One thing I hope I am able to convey is that as a mom I am in the trenches of raising wise daughters WITH every one else. I definiately have not arrived…nor have my girls. We are such works in progress.
Each day, as the mom of my girls, I share truth, but they are nearly adults and have free will. My desire is for my family to honor the Lord in all we do, but we will at times fall short…some days horribly so.
I appreciate your grace as my girls and I ask for the Father's help to make that the exception and not the norm! I am however open to correction when it is due.
Lynn, you have a very wise teenager on your hands. I pray she started something that we can all catch on too and evaluate our choices. Thanks.