“Just not having a good day.”
I debated whether or not to update my Facebook to reflect how I really felt. The reality is, every day isn’t a good day. This day was especially hard as I looked at my prayer journal. I just don’t have it in me to pray those prayers again. I’m exhausted; worn out. I could bring myself to read my Bible, but pray?
I decided, yes, I would go ahead and share the reality of my emotional state. Maybe it would be of some benefit to someone else to know others have bad days too.
I am so glad to know that I’m not the only one who grows weary of praying at times. I am comforted to know there was another whose prayer requests some times broke her heart. Her name was Hannah and her story is told in 1 Samuel 1.
Each year, Hannah traveled with her husband to go and worship the Lord. One year in particular, the burden of her prayer was more than she could take. “In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.” (vs.10) As she prayed in her heart, her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. The priest thought she was drunk! “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled…I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” (v.16)
Eli the priest sensed Hannah’s pain and stepped into her situation with words to encourage, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She went her way and was no longer downcast.
I wonder like me, if Hannah had lived today, would she have posted something like, “Today is just not my day”? Would Eli have seen it and responded?
Eli didn’t call me, but shortly after hitting “post” on my Facebook page my dear friend did. She had read my status and rather than posting, “I’m praying for you”, she called. “Are you ok?” With those three short words, my dam of keeping-it-all-together broke. “No, I’m not.”
From here, my friend reassured me she was praying for me, but it was her challenge which did my heart the most good. A step to take so I could “go in peace” like Eli told Hannah. Julie encouraged me to pick up my prayer journal, sitting right next to me. Not so that I could pray the prayers again, but so I could see God’s faithfulness to me in the past. “Go through and read all of the prayers Your God has answered in your life.”
Rehearsing His goodness would fuel me to keep on praying for those answers yet to come.
I recognized wise advice, so I took my prayer journal and read of God’s goodness to me and my family. In fact, I read it out loud.
Did I suddenly feel better? Not really. But here is what reviewing my answers did: it took my eyes off all those yet to be answered.
That rough day was yesterday and to be honest, I’m still feeling a bit weary today. But I also feel better.
God answered Hannah’s prayer. It took many, many years. The Bible tells us in 1 Samuel 1:7 “This went on year after year.” Do I want my season of unanswered prayer to go on and on, year after year? Absolutely not. But like Hannah, I’m going to keep worshiping and keep praying.
Do you have a prayer request you are weary of praying for? Maybe, just for today, you should stop. Stop praying for today and instead, rehearse God’s faithfulness in His answered prayers to you in your past.