Teens and Consequences

Two weeks ago we began our discussion on “Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart”. If you haven’t already, send me a request for the entire article, free of charge, at Lynn@LynnCowell.

Brick #2 for our bridge was being approachable. Before we go on to brick #3 I want to share with you a question I received by email this week:

Dear Lynn,

I know that my kids won’t open up for the exact reason that was stated in the letter by a teenage girl, “we will freak out”. We were wondering when you tell them that they can tell you anything and you won’t freak out, how does that work when they have done something that they would’ve gotten punished for if they had gotten caught (say like skipping school)? We would like to try this approach but we fear that they will use it to their advantage,

I thought this was a really great question, but being unsure of how to answer it, I asked my friend Kelly who was working with me in the Proverbs 31 office yesterday.

Here are some ideas we came up with:

Truth and Consequences

1) Let the natural consequences to the action play out.

Child skipped school? They get detention. Last year my son skipped his chorus concert; he got a bad grade that pulled down his GPA. They speed; they get a ticket.

Pain in Bad News

2) Don’t under estimate the consequences of them having to tell you.

Whether we believe it or not, our kids do want our approval and sometimes just telling us they messed up is pain enough.

You Make the Choice

3) Have the child recommend the punishment.

I have been surprized how often they choose something harder than I would have.

You might enjoy listening to this podcast from Focus on the Family on discipline – Raising Well-Behaved Children.

Bottom line, raising kids is hard, especially when you take into consideration that each child is bent in a different way. The best we can do is to pray and ask for wisdom for each and every situation.

Could you help me? May 2nd I will be launching my first book for young women “His Revolutionary Love; Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”. Just in time for Mother’s Day, this book is a great way for you to build a bridge to your daughter’s heart! To celebrate, I am creating a video of mothers and their daughters. Would you take a pic of you and your daughter and send it to me? I would love to use it to encourage and inspire other mothers to invest in their daughters. All type of pictures would be great! Is there something you and your daughter like to do? Action shots are wonderful! Just send them to [email protected]. In advance, thank you so much!


One Comment

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi,Thanks Lynn this is definantly what I neede to hear!My eighteen year old daughter had to leave home because she and I where about to get into a fight.Literally.It is sad but true.She is an awesome young lady just entangled in some wrong things and i cannot have that around my younger childen.There are people trying to be devious with her against me too.It is a sad situation.We used to be so close,now we are not at all.I am worried about her .She hates my husband and resents me for raising her.It is all the stuff I did not do for her.I do not even know how to communicate with her anymore.Please pray for peace and for the rumors to stop.Thanks and God bless!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.