Unveiling the Real Definition of Love for Your Daughter
Congrats Susan! You’re the the winner from Wednesday’s post Battle in Bed of the Faith Builder Pack. You posted at 8:36 on 12/6. Please email me your full name and address to Lynn@LynnCowell.com.
Today my guest is Elisabeth Huijskens. Elisabeth’s words to us today as moms is unique because she is a teen. I love Elisabeth’s heart and that she passionate about not waiting to do what God has called her to do…introduce others to True Love! Here’s Elisabeth:
I was thirteen when I noticed that I was caught up in a whirlwind. It was a constantly-in-motion whirlwind in which my whole generation was unconsciously trapped, one of dating, first kisses, fairy tales, “like-liking” boys, break-up’s, and so on and so on. We are thrown into a society where actors fall in love during the length of a two hour movie and hand out kisses in every television episode. This is where I, at thirteen, was getting my definition of love. This is the same place where your daughters today are being told what is right and acceptable.
It is when you notice the whirlwind, though, that you can slow it down and stop it. That’s when I found that even the things that we pass off as OK in our world today, do not line up with the Bible! God never says to get a boyfriend when you feel like it. He never says first kisses are innocent as doves or that you can show as much skin as you want.
How much does our misuse of relationships sadden our Jesus?
Instead, our ever-romantic God says, “You have that longing to be loved because I wanted you to be in love with Me; and I made sexuality, even kisses, to be used in a specific way within marriages on earth – so that you could better understand My love before we are standing face to face” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
We live out the true definition of love when we strive to love Jesus through dating, marriage, sex, and womanhood. This is a crazy, grand, romantic, all-consuming definition of love that isn’t reaching your daughters because it is being drowned out by society.
If an army of God-fearing women arose to break the chains that society has wrapped your daughters in, these girls can be free from heartbreak, past relationship baggage, and sexual-immortality shame.
Here’s how you can be a part of a Real Love Movement for your daughters:
~ Lead by example. Your daughter watches everything you do. Even if she yells, argues, ignores, and resists. She is always noticing her mama’s actions. Show her that you, too, are a fearfully and wonderfully made woman and stand for purity within or out of a marriage.
~ Expose her to this true definition of love. Make sure your teenage girl is surrounded with the Word of God, resources like the books found here, time of prayer, and worship music. Let your daughter find what channel she is drawn to the most, but as her mother provide her with what she needs. But don’t stop there. Talk to her about Jesus and His love. Pray with her. God made you her mother on purpose. You were made “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).
~ Have resources for yourself! Teen girls have the media telling them what is right and acceptable. Personally, make sure she knows how God intended sexuality to be used, how God thinks it’s OK to dress, and what the Bible says about romantic relationships and marriage. If these are lessons you have yet to unveil, you could impact your daughter greatly be learning these truths and sharing them with your beautiful daughter.
Your teenage daughter has a Groom waiting for her, one who wants to love her, show her how to love, and teach her how to be in love with a man during this lifetime. I don’t speak from experience that I’m recollecting. At seventeen, I stand among your teenage daughters and admit that they need moms who know that God has written the most romantic love story, and that we are in the very center of it.
Today, Elisabeth is giving away a signed copy of her book, Putting Fairy Tales to Shame. To enter, just click on comments below (or go to www.LynnCowell.com) share what you think is the biggest obstacle in teaching girls where true love is found. If you’re in a whirlwind Christmas shopping, just say, “I’m in!”. I’ll announce the winner on Monday!
Elisabeth Huijskens is an author, speaker, and worship leader who desires to use God’s truth and presence to help young women become the women their Designer created them to be. By determining the lies and overpowering girls with Jesus’ love, young women are finding healing, able to live in God’s presence, and learning how to have the best possible romantic relationships with men, relationships that are pleasing to God and free from emotional baggage.
This post is great! How refreshing to hear this point of view from a teenager. So often, even if they feel this way they don’t want to voice it. Thanks for this!
I am in!!
There are some good ideas here Elizabeth. I agree that over stimulation from peers and television can be over bearing.
My daughter, who is 6, occasionally comes home to tell me that another LITTLE GIRL in her classroom (and she goes to a private school) calls another LITTLE BOY in their class sexy.
Explaining what that meant and why she shouldn’t use words like this was unexpected to say the least, but it would appear the age gap (for me I also remembered feeling these things around age 13) has gotten even younger.
We are not currently a bible studying family- although I was raised Catholic I had several very negative experiences within the church communities that turned me off to Christianity as a whole.
As an adult, I am coming full circle and reconnecting with ideas and philosophies within Christian culture, as I have always felt what Jesus personally had to share was wonderful and positive (yet sometimes widely misinterpreted).
I have thought about creating a new pattern in our lives to help reinforce positive affirmations and ideas at night, a type of prayer.
I would be interested in learning more about your ideas on this as I am still struggling with how to communicate appropriate behavior to my daughter.
I am so happy to hear that you are reconnecting to a Jesus-flled life, Gloria. It saddens me to hear about your negative experiences. This does not excuse behavior, but even church committee members are human and will do wrong — I’ll be the first to admit my failings within the Church! I veer away from using the label “Christian” — a misleading label, now a negative label — as it is a term Jesus never used, but one “non-Christians” used to describe what Jesus called His disciples. I am a disciple. I will strive follow Jesus’ example, like you said, a wonderful example. It is inevitable that I will hurt others along the way even though that is not my desire WHATSOEVER. But I guess if we never messed up, Jesus’ death on the Cross would have been in vain, instead of it truly being the powerful testimony of what Real Love really is!
I adore your heart, Gloria. I am so happy to hear that you love your daughter so much to make this area of her life a priority. I’ll be praying for you and that she will someday soon find her Groom in her Maker.
With 3 daughters at home I am finding it difficult to teach them that the 1 & only person in this world that matters about them unconditionally is God. No BFF, actress, or even their own sisters will be there for them Always.
Erin, that is such a difficult lesson to not only teach — but as a 17 year old still I can say that this is a difficult lesson to LEARN! Even though I have learned it several times, I am often consumed with the physical around me. It’s a battle.
Praying, praying, praying for them in addition to your attempts to teach will be so powerful. It cannot be forced; we find our own personal love for God when we SEEK and then we FIND! Because when we find Him, we find that LOVE that meets us where we are and realize who we can depend on. Provide them with everything they need to SEEK Him and then pray. Your concern for your three daughters honestly touches my heart, Erin. I’ll be praying for them too.
Elisabeth- you are wise beyond your years and what a great role model you are to your peers. I have 2 young girls- 9 and 12 yrs old. I want so badly to make sure they know the truths that God has for them and for them not to fall into the whirlwind of this world. It is so hard because we are so surrounded by things and people accepting the world the way it is. That is not good enough for my girls so I would love to read your book or have them read it! God Bless you as you continue to grow in your relationship with the Lord!
I am in!!! 🙂
Thank you Elizabeth for being a godly role model for our girls in the culture of today! Thank you for answering the call set before you!! Blessings! From the mother of a beautiful 14 year old daughter!!!
Your encouragement is so sweet, Anne! I’m sure your daughter is amazing!
I am in!!!
I want my daughter to be raised the ‘right’ way!!
I’m so overjoyed to hear that, Dawn! I’ll be praying for her growth!
Excellent advice here. Thank you Elizabeth for taking a stand for what is right and at such a young age! God will bless you for you faithfulness to Him!
I think TV shows and movies give us girls the wrong picture of what real love is. That is not love. True love and security is found only in God. He alone can satisfy every desire of our hearts.
I want my daughter to be raised up the right way. She is 15 and has been dating a guy since August, and it seems like all of sudden mom knows absolutely nothing, and the boy knows everything. I am very Blessed that neither of them have their drivers license yet, and my prayer is that I have made a strong enough impression in her life that when she does get her license, she continues to follow God in every area of her life. I remember how hard it is being a teenager and feeling like you don’t fit in, and peer pressure, and now it is about triple since I was a teenager. She is so strong in her faith and I just don’t want to see one wrong decesion take away her testimony and I tell her that all the time. It takes on mistake to take it away and a long time to get your testimony back. Thanks for all the articles and advice….
Tish, I remember being 15 and having a boyfriend. I will tell you, the only thing that kept me from doing things I would regret is God’s love. I love hearing that she is close to Jesus. I’m sure you do already, but praying for her is the most impactful thing you can do at this point. The teen years are sensitive. She’ll be wondering what she can and cannot do, and you’ll be wondering how to handle this delicate situation. Be a prayer warrior mama! Pray for her, for the boyfriend, BEFORE you talk to her about dating/boys, for you to have wisdom — the list goes on! Ill be praying for you both. Resources like Putting Fairy Tales to Shame and Lynn’s books are fabulous for her at this point.
I am in! This is exactly what I needed to read today. I know that God put my daughter, which happens to be my step-daughter in my life to lead her to Christ. She is an amazingly strong, beautiful girl and we fight against the world everyday. I hope that I am able to continually keep this is mind and direct her down the right paths. Thank you for sharing this.
I hear what you’re saying . . . our daughters need to hear truth from their moms, not the world. In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges in this topic is social media. I sometimes wish facebook and twitter never existed. Teenage girls long to be loved by their friends, and also by a special guy. And social media has a way of making one feel left out, leading to feelings of being unworthy. Oh, how the Enemy likes to use those feelings to whisper lies to us. We need to help our daughters learn to recognize those lies and hold onto truth. It’s a tough world that our children are growing up in.
You said it, Janet! Only God’s love can let us navigate this world happily without feeling unhappy or unloved. I love seeing you as a part of that army rising up to make a way for daughters to be free!
Amazing from a 17 year old! I hope my beautiful daughter gets “it” as Elisabeth does.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a 12yr old daughter that I don’t want to be influenced negatively by the world…unfortunately that is what happens and I feel the only things I can do is pray and teach her about her worth according to God. I cannot wait to get the book by Lynn Cowell Devotions for a Revolutionary Year. As a mom I wish I’d had that as a teen myself…instead I spent too many years hating how I looked compared to the women on the magazine covers…and my self-worth was left in shambles…I remind girls now that they are beautiful inside and out just the way they are and that they need to look to God not the world. Thanks again for sharing.
My 14 year old step daughter is in the “your stupid and I know it all” so besides not being her “mother” I have the hormones to deal with. She has in the past made good choices, but with high school came a new group of boys paying attention to her. She wants me to bug off because she says “I know what I’m doing”. And when I explain some of my teenage experiences which were very unchristian since I came to know the Lord as an adult… she says “and you turned out ok”. O this is going to be a long four years so I am so glad to have found great resources.
I also have a 14 year old daughter who has moved to her dad’s, an 11 & 7 year old daughter that live with me. Blended families and stepkids and 4 daughters!
Paige, I went through a stage like that. The only thing to do, as in any situation, is to follow Jesus’ example! Love, love, love, unconditionally love! When it hurts, when she breaks your heart, makes your blood boil. If she does end up making bad choices, she will eventually be saddened and need someone to be there for her. Be that love for her! (I’m not saying don’t discipline, the Bible says that God disciplines us because He LOVES us! Not disciplining is not loving.) But even in the hard times, make sure she FEELS loved by you. She will then feel safe with you, see an example of God’s love, and then be pointed to the love of her Savior. You’re an amazing mother. I’ll be praying for your precious family!
Wow, Elizabeth! Thank you for taking the time to write this. Great insights into your daughter’s minds. What a blessing and inspiration you are.
I would have to say the biggest obstacle… the lies they are fed every day–everywhere. It doesn’t matter if they are at school, in a store, at the doctors, sports, and sadly, even at the Meeting House(church). Their minds are bumbarded with words and images that contradict that word of God. As mom’s we’ve got to learn how to make our voice louder than all the others, so they can then hear what God is saying. *sigh* Still working on that.;-)
Thank you for not giving up, Danielle! This is a battle worth fighting, with the Lord leading the way (and His side always wins 🙂 ).
I’m in 🙂
Thank you for your wise words and challenge, Elisabeth. We moms need to stand up and encourage our daughters. It takes lots of prayer and lots of time BUT OUR DAUGHTERS ARE WORTH IT!
Yes, Beth! Your enthusiasm is inspiring! Thank you!
I am currently going through issues with my 12 year old daughter and we have had some in-depth discussions on some of the topics listed in Unveiling the Real Definition of Love for Your Daughter. Thank you for the advice in this e-mail. I can use all the help I can get!
I am so happy to hear that, Amy! I’ll will be praying for you and those issues. Your heart and effort for your daughter is beautiful. 🙂
It’s been a blessing watching you blossom into a beautiful young woman God created you to be. Thank you for sharing your writings with others!
Our girls are surrounded by a society filled with lies and illusions. It is my prayer that God will speak the truth into my girl’s heart (and the heart of the husband He is preparing for her) so that she will recognize what I endeavor to teach her as the truth. I pray that she will have the fortitude and strength of mind, heart, and body to go against the popular to gain the invaluable.
I’m in! Thank you for speaking out!
My daughters are 14 and 16. They are at that age too that the peer pressure of the world is trying to take hold, through school, tv, music, magazines, etc. Its everywhere! I try very hard as a christian mom to guide and lead my girls in the way of the Lord. It is a constant effort to show them and lead them the way they need to be as young ladies. I would love for them to read this book to help them even more to become the godly women they are made to be. Thanks so much and God bless you. And MERRY CHRIST-MAS! 😀
It is a constant effort, Jenny. And I will say, at 17, it’s a constant effort to REMEMBER that. Don’t lose heart, pray without ceasing, and provide them with everything that they may been to seek and then find His love for them. It is hard for everyone to rely on the Spiritual while we are surrounded by the physical. 🙂
My biggest obsticle with my girls would be pure preassure and wanting to fit in. Thank you and have a blessed day.
Peer pressure melts away when we know our identify in our Maker! Provide her with everything she needs to SEEK and FIND Jesus’ love, Peggy. 🙂
I am in!
I have 4 girls. I would love to share this book with them.
I’m in! Thank you, Elisabeth, for this wonderful article and for sharing such godly wisdom. We and our children are surrounded and bombarded by a culture that promotes unhealthy relationships, lack of respect, and a “feelings/desires of the moment”, “you should make me happy” approach to sexuality and commitment. Even supposedly wholesome Disney shows can’t be trusted any more. I look forward to sharing this with my daughter.
This is a great post! My oldest daughter is just about to turn 9, and I think the hardest thing to get her to see is that she is beautiful just the way she is and that her body is perfect, created in the image of God! Thanks for the chance to win this GREAT resource! With 3 girls to raise, I could sure use this!! Thank you and God Bless!!
Hi. As a mum to a very impressionable 16 year old girl this is a timely subject. Young girls long for love and acceptance amongst their peers….often getting blinded by the wrong sort of attention.
Getting my daughter to understand that God is the only one who can help not feel lonely. He is here reach out to Him and He will comfort your lonely heart.