Wednesday Wisdom Tip: Going Solo

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If you are joining me here today from my devotion with Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Encouragement for Today, Going Solo, welcome! If you haven’t had a chance to read it, please hop over to our website!

Maybe you have overcome this hurdle of often going at life alone. I struggle overcoming this tendency. Maybe it has something to do with growing up as the seventh child of eight. That’s me with the crossed arms. See what I mean. My face and posture scream, “I don’t need you!”

I could try to blame my independence on that.

Really, in most cases, my going solo just comes down to my ugly pride. Even as a little girl, I once fell down a whole flight of cement stairs, blackening my eye, because I was too prideful to wait for help. All through my life, I have stories of more “black eyes” that came from wanting to do life alone. I wish they were all as easy to heal as my bruised skin.

Pride holds us back from allowing others to see our weaknesses and the areas where we need help.

And no place is this more true then when it comes to our relationships. Family troubles, work issues and neighborhood dilemmas can quickly make us feel like failures when exposed to others.

I love how God’s word tears down the lie that we are better off alone:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

I read on my friend Zoe Elmore’s Twitter today, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

It’s not easy being vulnerable; admitting we have needs for relationship and support. But if we will choose to take that first step, make the first call or type the first text, we will find it’s not quite so hard the next time. And when our heart experiences the joy and support of having another share in our trials and times of joy, we’ll be a bit more willing to take the risk again.

God gave us each other to lift each other up, especially when we are down. And as God’s girls, when we model true friendships, where unconditional love and grace are freely given without judgement, the next generation of God’s girls will see the gift God has given us in each other. They, too, can learn to get beyond Facebook friends.

Today, I am giving away five copies of my message, “Beyond Facebook Friends” which I share with teen girls and their moms at my “His Revolutionary Love” conferences. To be entered for a chance to win one of these CD’s, share with us the thing you love most about your closest friend. As we read the comments, together we can learn what it takes to be a good friend too! If you’re super busy, just comment, “I’m in!”

I’ll announce the winner Friday, when my great friend since childhood guest posts for me!





  1. I love that she doesn’t give up. One of my best friends is always there to remind me that we need to get together or have a phone date. She doesn’t let you do life alone.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      I love how you said she “doesn’t let you”. That is a true friend!

  2. My dear friend does allow me to vent and even wallow from time to time, then gently and lovingly reminds me of the truths we both know to be true. I can be ugly and weak, brutally honest with my friend, trusting in her confidence and unconditional love. We can confess to each other. Recently I did the same for her – at a low point spiritually, she needed to be reminded of what God has to say about the issues she was struggling with. And his deep, deep love for her. It was a beautiful thing, as we actually knew and felt the Spirit present, blessing our friendship, calming hearts, as we locked arms with each other and our Lord, against the devil and his schemes and arrows of doubt. God uses each of us to bless the other.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      What a gift, Lisa!

  3. My favorite thing about my best friend is the simple fact that no matter what I face, I don’t face it alone… Good or bad, my best friend is always there to cheer me on or dust me off (and vice versa)… My older sister is my very best friend, the extra eight sisters and two brothers were mostly for my parents benefit… LOL 🙂
    I pray that as my daughters (and son) grow, God will place the perfect good Godly Christian in their path, and create in my children the desire to be a good, Godly friend to those in their path of life!
    Feel free to pray for my children, as I will also pray for yours!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Dear Jesus, You know the power of friendships…for good and for evil. I ask you to bring in the lives of Dawn’s children radical and passionate Jesus followers. Thank you for those you have brought into my girls’ lives and thank you for those that are to come! MAKE our children friends that spur others on to follow hard after you!!! AMen

  4. Hi Lynn!

    The thing I love about my closest friend is that she is always pointing me to look to Christ and to depend on Him. ( Not to make my friendships or anything else my focus, but Him) She encourages me to believe in His reality in my life and to make Him my all and all. Because I am seeking Him this way, my life has joy abundantly and purposeful fulfillment. When I love HIm most, I love others best – including my closest friends.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      What an amazing friend!

  5. My best friend to walk with in the Lord is my sister. She is always there for me, helping me to pray and uplifts me when I feel like I can’t go on any more. She is such a precious gift from my Lord….

  6. I’m 1200 miles from my best friend, but she is just a phone call, text, e-mail away. She has so much Godly wisdom that I know she will always speak truth to me, not just tell me what I want to hear or validate my viewpoint. When she prays you know she is bringing you before the throne of God! We became good friends while teaching school, then I married and moved away. I’ve seen her recover from a stroke, leaving her with some disabilities, but never being mad at God. What a tower of strength and witness for Him she is! She had been a true best friend, mentor, prayer partner, cheerleader, travel mate, the list goes on. When I can get back to visit, we pick up like there has never been any distance between us. I have been blessed by her friendship!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Isn’t it beautiful that distance doesn’t have to mean our relationships are over?

  7. I love that we love each other enough to say the hard things. The things that others in our life do not have access to. Those hard, “gut check” honest areas where we both know we need to improve and want to improve. We pray for each other and encourage each other. Our hubbys are best friends too, so we are really best couples/accountability group with each other. On our worst days, in our depths of fear and doubt, we are right there for and with each other.

  8. My best friend, Nikki, is the whole reason why I know (after 36 years of not knowing) how to ask for help. Nikki is the kind of person that has just loved me for the sake of loving me….even when I am at my worst (which is more often than I care to admit). She knows how incredibly independent I am and how I would rather choose to fly solo than ask for help (because of the way I was raised – you NEVER asked for help!)….but has spent years teaching me that asking for help when help is needed is a blessing to both the person in need and the person able to fulfill/help with the needs. There is honor in allowing someone to help you. There is love. There is fulfillment of hope, encouragement, faith, answered prayer, and so much more. Nikki often just helps without me asking and it makes me giddy inside to see her so giddy about helping…..I can’t help but want to see that more often. There are times it is super difficult to reach out and say I need help…..but I always think of her and how important it is to her to be there for me and my daughter…..and I think about God using her to say, “Let ME help YOU”. Beautiful blessings…… beautiful.

  9. I don’t ask for help because I don’t want others to look at me as a taker. I can do it on my own. If I mess it up, I only have myself to blame. My heart has been hurt too many times when I have given of myself to help someone in need. So, I just don’t ask and very rarely do I help others. But I have this Friend who just kept on pushing her self into my life! Wanting to be a part of it. Showing up at my home at the right time, doesn’t ask, just knows and does it. We have struggled with many questions about our Faith together, shared scripture that made both of us truelly think, cheer each other on, hold each other accountable and listen to eachothers complaints. I can spill my heart out to her and know there is No judge or jury only Jesus Love through her. She has truely shown me the true meaning of Friendship and Jesus’ Love. And the Love from helping others no matter what the outcome, you do it for God. And I just can’t shake her!!!! Wouldn’t want to anyway, 🙂

  10. One of my best friends and I struggle with anxiety so we know how to pray for each other and know how we can encourage each other. Even though we live a state away now, we text each other and keep each other accountable and even memorize verses each month. It is comforting knowing that we aren’t alone in our struggles. Godly friendships are a sweet taste of heaven. 🙂

  11. Helen McKenzie says:

    My best friend is always encouraging, she tells you exactly what it is about you that she likes. It always upbuilds and gives confidence. It’s something I now try to do for others.

  12. I’m in! I could really use encouragement in this area as I begin a new part of my life as an army wife. Making friends is essential to being content and happy and making it easier to support my husband as he defends our country. I’ve had some great friends in my life but I know I can always make improvements in my relationships. The hardest part for me is going to be the constant moving away from friends. Leaning into God has really helped but any other daily or readily available encouragement would be amazing!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Jesus, please provide for Casey deep and lasting friendships. I know there are other army wives there on her base. Open doors and help her to make connections. Fill the need for companionship. Thank you faithful Savior! Amen

  13. The thing I like about my friend Jessica is that we can be real with one another
    and give grace when needed which is sometimes often.

  14. She reminds me constantly that God put me in her life to encourage her at just the right time. This is a woman who I’m inspired by so much by her godly lifestyle, character & attitude. For this lady to say this, it is truly an honor and it makes me feel so valued. I’m really lucky to actually have two of these women in my life! Especially since we, as women tend to doubt close relationships because of being too vulnerable in the past with people who have hurt us. Satan sometimes fills us with insecurities about whether or not we really are important to the friends we most admire. Therefore the verbal reminders & hugs are just a super awesome gift from God!

  15. Jessica F says:

    I moved to TN recently so I don’t really have a close friend here but as I think about it, I realize I don’t really have someone I can call a close friend besides my sisters. I know one will listen and the other will help in any way she can if I need her. I wish I had a godly friend that can guide me as I begin my walk with God. Thank you for the reminder that we can’t do it alone.

  16. I love that when my BFF and I talk we can jyst puck up where we left off like we see each other every day. She’s been my dearest friend for over 30 years!

  17. Amy Enochs Brown says:

    I love that I never have to doubt her honesty…and sometimes its not exactly what I want to hear but ALWAYS what I need to hear and then she backs it up with scripture 🙂 And more than that I know beyond alldoubt that when she says she is praying for me….God is getting an earful, not just something she says, its something she does and I can feel it 🙂

  18. I have 2 friends who refuse to let me give up! They call, text, listen, and pray for me daily! But most of all, my husband is my biggest fan! He’s like the millionaire in the story posted on Micca Campbell’s blog. Both my girlfriends and husband nurture, prune, and water me! Now it’s time for me to soak it in and flourish!

  19. my best friend has been a spiritual mother to me in every sense of the word. just as paul and timothy

  20. my best friend has been a spiritual mother to me in every sense of the word just as paul and timothy.

  21. amee smith says:

    sad to say is that I have been friend less for over 30 yrs…..acquaintance are what I have…. I try and reach out but there just does not seem to be a connection …. even worse is it is Christians that are doing the rejection….. no going beyond the 4 walls of the church…plz keep in mind all of you …. you may feel you have enough friend in your life…. but think maybe someone else needs the friend they are lonely just want to talk are walking a rough road and could use a hand or a shoulder to lean on and ear just to listen or maybe just some one to pray with ……

  22. My best friend and I have been friends for 26 years. We don’t live near one another but I can pick up the phone and call on her like she was next door and we see each other every day! She is my spiritual sister!

  23. Dana Bonney says:

    My best friend loves me unconditionally! She’s there for me through the valley and on the mountaintop. She’s the kind of friend I want to be.

  24. I don’t have one specific friend. All my friends have different and special needs that they fulfill and I hope that I fulfill for them. I recently bought your devotional for my oldest daughter. Thanks for all your words of encouragement.

  25. I have two GIG’s and we have done life together for about 6 years, what I love about them is that they always give Godly advice and more than willing to pray. We all pray for each other. Our friendship is founded on God. He brought us together and they are such a blessing.

  26. My friend Lisa supports me in so many ways…in good times and bad! She is my favorite friend for sharing with about our relationships with Jesus! She is kind and gentle, yet strong when I am weak and she always knows the right thing to say or do… Lisa encourages me to be who I am and she always “has my back”! We laugh together, love together and pray together for each other and others! God blessed me with a friend in Lisa!

  27. I love the encouragement that we give each other.

  28. What I love about my best friend…that distance
    Doesn’t matter. I can call her at any time and we listen to
    Each other and then we bring our burdens to the
    Lord. “Not our will Lord but yours”. Someone
    Nicknamed us the “salsa sisters”.
    God has brought us together because a few
    Years ago my friend had lost her sister. And this
    Happened before I met her. She told me that
    I reminded her of her sister who was her best
    Friend and had passed away from cancer.

  29. Wow! Can totally relate to this! Such a struggle in my life many times, especially when I feel hurt and just want to shut off from everyone. What I appreciate is when my friend/s are honest and tell me what I need to hear. It may not be easy for them to say, but they still say it and I need to hear it (although in my sinful, selfish, pride, I may not always like what they have to say. 🙂 ) Its what I need to hear though and I realize that and would much rather be told the truth than a lie! 🙂 Thanks for this post!

  30. andrea stanley says:

    The thing I love about my best friend is that even though we are far away from each other in our hearts we are not. We may not get to talk much at times but we know that we are always thinking about and prayer for one another. And when the time comes that we do get to see eachother or talk on the phone with eachother it is just like we were never apart.

  31. My friend accepts me on my good days as well as bad days. The good days are easy…. the bad, not so much.

  32. Rosie from TX says:

    My dear friend went to be with The Lord in 2011. She lost her battle to cancer. One of the sweetest memories I have of her, is how she opened her home and allowed my daughter to live with her rent free as she attended college. We could not have done it without her help. She was a helpful and gracious person. How I truly miss her.

  33. My best friends can always be counted on to be completely honest, even if it’s not what I want to hear. You know that they are still there for you even if you can’t talk daily or go a week or two without seeing each other. It takes about 25 seconds to settle into comfortable conversation when you “do lunch”. A best friend “gets you” like most people can’t. She’s the first person you run to when things are good and when things are bad and vice versa. She can call in the middle of the night for prayer about a situation and I will answer, and vice versa. I pray that both of my daughters as teens can begin to sort through the superficial teenage girl talk and make genuine, lasting friendships.

  34. Sandra Kumler says:

    My best friend and I don’t see each other often anymore. We are both walking through a difficult season in our lives. Our parents are aging and having health issues and our children are marrying and having children. We are pulled in so many different directions. Inspite of this we still manage to call to chat for a few minutes and to go to a concert here or there and go out to dinner on our birthdays. My spirit is boosted just knowing that when I’ve had enough she is always there to listen and encourage me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I love her like a sister.

  35. Love that she is always there for me no matter what. There to support or just listen when going through a rough time, never judges unless I ask. Is there to share the joys with. To give advice when needed. A true sister by choice. A support that is always there, just like an oak tree, that doesn’t ask a lot of questions unless you want her too. Knows when are having a tough time without even asking. A true blessing.

  36. My best friend’s daughter is also my daughter’s best friend which makes for fun best friend girl weekends.

  37. She never waivers. She’s always there for me. When either of us are facing a difficult situation she never takes her eyes off Christ and even if she struggles to handle it herself for a little while, she ultimately turns whatever the circumstance is over to Him and encourages me to do the same. Her love for the Lord and her faith journey has been a true, priceless blessing to me.

  38. Hilarine Fernando says:

    My friend from high school has been a great inspiration to me. She has always been there for me and her faith in The Lord is amazing. She is a good prayer friend too and is like my 911. Her knowledge in the scriptures is excellent and knows exactly to share the scripture quote which is an encouragement to me at that time of the situation. I’m so thankful to God that he has blessed me with a wonderful friend. God bless her always.

  39. I love it how my dear friends listens when I need an ear. We don’t have to talk on a daily or a weekly basis, but we just know we are hear for each other regardless. I love it how we could just pick up where we left off, and without being judgemental, encourage one another. I thank God blessing me with such good friends who think so highly of me, even when I’m down on myself!

  40. You hit it on the head for me when you said it was ugly pride. I take pride in being strong – physically, mentally, emotionally…and it is my greatest struggle in my spiritual life not to rely on my own strength instead of His. Not as often as I used to, but still I cycle back to being weary. Bone aching, weary. It is then that the struggle of solo only deepens. I thank God that I have a spouse and daughters and sisters in the Lord who can see through my facade and who aren’t afraid to pry and remind me that I am human and the only way we as humans can live life more abundantly is through Christ.

  41. I agree, Lynn, with what you say here. “Pride holds us back from allowing others to see our weaknesses and the areas where we need help.” I know this is true with me too.

    My reasoning for not asking for help is because very few have really come through when I needed it most. The ones that have are never discarded or forgotten.

  42. She gets me. She knows my heart and allows me the room to be me, but challenges me to become the person God is calling me to be as well. When life is hard, she gets me…knows my need for talking it out or venting…but never allows me to remain in a state of confusion or anger or bitterness. Either offering perspective or recommending I take some time to pray and worship to get my mind focused back on Jesus, she gets me, but knows that my savior gets me even more! We are blessed by a friendship that was truly an act of God’s redemption. Through God working in both of our hearts at the same time to forgive and ask for forgiveness for some petty differences we had in our past interactions, we found a sweet connection that the enemy truly desired to prevent from happening. We are beginning a new area of women’s ministry in our church that is all about women letting go of insecurities and finding freedom to be the women He created us to be. The breakthroughs are already astounding and I am so thankful We didn’t allow the enemy to keep us trapped in bitterness, preventing this sweet friendship and ministry from coming forth! Praise The Lord!

  43. I’m in. My best friend loves me for me.

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