See, here is the problem. If our kids believe the songs on the radio and the movies on the screen, that there is a “soul mate” out there; someone they were meant to be with, they will do anything to find, attract and keep that “someone”.
I once heard Andy Stanley create this scenario. Say our girl finds “him” and he finds “her”. They know they were made for each other; so they get married. (I am a firm believer in marriage! Been married over 28 years!) Time passes. Life happens. Kids come. Careers create pressure and their marriage falls from hot and to routine. Then, one day at work, a new someone pays attention to your girl. She listens to his kind words; his sympathy toward her situation. Next thing you know, she “knows” he’s the one! She missed it the first time! This guy is really her soul mate! So, she leaves her husband, her kids, her life to start a new one with the one. This relationship is hot and wonderful. Then…life happens. Kids come. Careers create pressure and their marriage becomes … boring. Then, one day at work, a new one pays attention to her. She listens to his kind words; his sympathy toward her situation.
Do you see the problem in thinking there is the “one” out there? When life gets hard and the fire wanes a bit or a lot, what empowers our girl to stick in her marriage? To love her child? To honor her vows and her God? What will be her “why” when she is confused?
Her why is The One; Jesus. When He fills our children’s hearts, they will not depend on a person to do what only Jesus can. Not that others cannot bring joy to our hearts; companionship and love are gifts from God! He intended for us to enjoy and be loved by each other, but we were not created to have our hearts filled by each other. That is Christ’s place.
How do we teach this? It start with us, moms! We have to find Jesus as the filler of our love gap. We have to go to Him each and every day to get everything we need – attention, affirmation and approval. We allow our kids to see us receiving joy in our lives from Him. When our girl sees us do this, they will know what it looks like; they will see what to emulate.
Knowing Jesus is the filler of our love gap makes a huge difference when it comes time for our kids to make choices in regards to relationships. Because they do not need that person to fill their empty heart, to give them confidence, to make them feel beautiful, they do not have make choices to go against God’s best for them. They don’t have to do whatever it takes to keep the relationship because they do not need this boyfriend or girlfriend to complete them; make them valuable! This society teaches, Guy + Girl = Valuable. It is a lie! God + Girl = a perfect match!
Looking for a resource to empower your girl to fill her heart with unconditional love? His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You does just that. Learn more here!