Wednesday Wisdom Tip: Hurt or Healer?

How did this argument happen any way?

Your child came home from school and minutes after the backpack hit the floor, the two of you are at each other. The raised voices and rude words seemed to come out of nowhere. What did I do? You wonder.

The answer might be nothing. In fact, it’s quite possible it has nothing to do with you at all.

So many times when I have been hurt by someone, especially members of my family, I have made it about me. What did I do? Why did they do that to me? I didn’t deserve that.

So often, though, I’m asking the wrong questions. What I need to be asking is: What is going on in them? Why did they feel the need to do that? Why are they hurting?

If I switch the questions I am asking, I go from hurt to healer.

Like my friend Zoe said – I need to soften around the edges –  become a Q-tip and Quit Taking It Personally.

In fact, you and I can do more than that…instead of becoming offended, we can look for opportunities. Opportunities to see the hurt past the words and decide to be part of their healing process.

We can embrace our offender and become a healer!

Not only is this powerful in our own lives, but just think of the power we can give our kids if we teach them this principle too!

This week, my daughter came home from school offended; another’s words pierced her heart. Once we processed her feelings, we started asking questions:

“Why did the other girl say what she did?”

“Is it possible that the offender was feeling excluded?”

“Is she struggling with low self-worth?”

The girl’s words might have been her choice in dealing with her own pain. I tried to get my girl to look outward instead of inward.

Think back over the last argument with your child, spouse or family member. At what point in the conversation could you have turned it around and become the healer? Ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes in the next 24 hours to see another who needs you to step into this role and be a source of healing in their life!





  1. WOW! I really needed to hear this! My almost 16 year old daughter and I have had several go-rounds lately and I need to become a Q-tip! I love that analogy! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      As usual, I am writing on my own struggles, Julie! Glad it was helpful to you!

  2. I absolutely want to be a Q tip when I finally grow up….. (57 now! Still waiting

  3. Were you at our house yesterday? Thank you for the reminder and the ammunition to let her get the hurt out without taking it personally.

  4. Hi Lynn

    those words Lynn were healing for me as i have always tried to find ways to bring healing to my teen, as she walks into the house hits her bag on the floor and weeps i tend to allow her to vent and then i say to her it is o.k. to speak out about your hurt come let us see how we can see it through different eyes, eyes of faith then what i started to do was to make her my own personal devotional book it is so new i have not showen her just yet but i am so excited about these daily little devotions it will become like a little book she can take where ever she goes in life and these are also little encoragements i have sought out for her. Been the healer and listening to your teens hearts is something that is hard but i believe it is doable. thanks so much for this refeashing timely word.

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