I was wrong.
It’s ok to admit that here, right? This is a safe place?
Somehow as a young woman I decided PMS wasn’t real.
I’ve been pondering now for several days: why did I believe this?
I knew the physical pain was real. Although I did not personally suffer each month, one of my sisters was once hospitalized on vacation for the intense pain.
The emotional roller coaster is the part that threw me. In high school, I had had a friend trounce on my feelings a time or two. With the quick statement, “I’m sorry but I’m having my period” the hurt was supposed to be quickly swept away. All excused. I think there was a part of me that though if I believed PMS was real, I would give my own inner mean girl permission to let loose. I had seen her a time or two, making fun of kids in elementary school. She, who was me, was downright ugly.
And so, I passed onto my girls my belief that PMS was all in your head. No reason to need extra goodies or extra grace each month.
As my own two girls approached womanhood, I approached my own new season. Going through menopause at 37 only reinforced my beliefs. This season in my life came and left without me hardly even realizing it.
This brings me to this week. I know I’m really late in getting here, but I finally decided to do the homework and find out: is PMS a real deal or not?
I should have known. Many studies prove when our hormones fluctuate, so do our serotonin levels. These up and down levels can make us feel up and down as well.
So what I’ve learned really late in the game is PMS is real, it just doesn’t effect everyone. One out of every three women will suffer discomfort days before their cycle begins. This explains for me why some of my friends and family struggle while I did not.
What does all of this have to do with being a wise mom?
Not all of us are the same. You may be a mom who wants to hide for several days a month, yet your girl seems to glide through her cycle. Or you may be one of the women who does not struggle and like me, feel your girl is just making excuses for her bad behavior.
I think there are two things we can do to help each other and help our relationships improve:
1. Chart out where we are at each month
Knowing you and your girl’s cycles might really help you prepare for those days which can be rough. Do you need to scale back and not be so busy during that time? Do you need to remind yourself to give extra grace when needed?
2. Look for a pattern
Pay attention to the highs and lows in your days and in your girls. Do you see a pattern in emotions? Could your cycles be coming into play? Are either of you more tired than usual?
3. Gear up
On those days when you or your girl are more apt to feel sad, stressed or sick, prepare your heart and mind for what lies ahead. Find specific portions of God’s word where He promises to help us. Remind yourself that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and the Holy Spirit lives in you. He can and will help us when we ask!
4. Teach your girl
We need to teach our daughters the unique traits of our bodies as women. God made us different from men and our differences include the physical and emotional. Help her to learn about her own body, emotions and unique struggles. Reassure her that God can equip her to be in control of her actions even when her emotions feel out of control.
You can imagine that week I’ve had some apologizing to do to my girls! I hope you can learn from my mistakes and this will help you with your relationship with your’s!