Wednesday Wisdom Tip – Nothing Wrong with Her
Her shoulders sag. Her eyes are dull. A tear appears in the corner. The problem? He doesn’t like her.
Here’s the secret she needs to know: if a guy doesn’t like her, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with her!
What it most likely means is that your girl and the guy she likes are different; possibly in very different places in their lives in maturity.
I had a huge crush on my husband starting in 6th grade and it lasted for seven years! You know how old he was when he finally got serious about asking me out? Twenty-one! Twenty-one! That is how long it took for him to want the type of girl that I was; that type of girl who was serious about honoring God.
During these teen years, most guys have one thing on their mind…and it isn’t sports! This isn’t the type of guy we want for our girls. Help your girl by asking some questions about the guy she likes.
Do you have a lot in common?
Are his values your values?
How does he spend his time each day?
What type of girl does he seem to be attracted to?
By answering a few of these questions, she may be able to figure out why this boy isn’t running after her. She may not like the answer, but at least she will not blame herself if it really isn’t about her!
What you want to do is help your daughter become a magnet.
Ask your girl what type of guy she wants to attract. Hopefully it will be a guy, who honors and fears God, knows his place in God’s family and a guy who will one day understand how to unconditionally love your daughter and lead her closer to God. Point out to your girl that if she wants to attract this type of guy, she will have to be this type of girl.
We help our daughters become that magnet when we spend time in the Word with them; pointing out to them magnetic characteristics such as love, confidence, and unselfishness.
I do this in two ways.
Each day while they eat their breakfast, I read God’s word to them (I figure I have a captive audience!).
Second, I pick out a study that we do together with their friends. (Right now, we are going through “His Revolutionary Love”). As I read God’s word with them, I am very intentional about pointing out that we are filling our hearts with truth so that our joy will be built around Him and not around a boy.
This is working in my life; I can’t wait to hear how it works in your’s! How do you handle rejection with your child?
Our winner from yesterday’s give away of the CD “Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart” and the Starbucks gift card is Jennifer Klemple. Jennifer, please send me your full name and address to [email protected] and I’ll get it right out to you!
One thing I can honestly say is I have honestly always tried to discourage my children from dating when they are young. I want them to have relationships with people of both sexes and be friends. I know we all have had crushes in life and that is what they are when you are young just a crush. My youngest child is 17 and does not want to be married. My two other children are adults and are concentrating on work and college and they have friends but not dating friends. I think people push our young people to date and get married and honestly what is the hurry there isn’t one. I think that our children need to mature first before taking a step that could alter and change there lives forever.
Julie,
I completely agree! Neither one of my daughters date (although I think they would really like to). We are really trying to help them focus on their relationship with Christ, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t sometimes wish that they could “experience what other girls experience”. It’s then that the need for comfort comes in!
I’m raising three girls and no boys! My oldest is almost 19 yrs old, one almost 16 yrs old, and one 7 yrs old, Whew! I had no idea the amount of emotions that would run through our home. We as a family have just been through serious chaos as we just finished an eleven year ministry. My daughters often question their sense of worth in not only the dating/boy acceptance, but now also former friends from the church we left. They have been through years of being told they are not ok because their parents choices over which school they would attend, once even over the issue that the bible they carried wasn’t ok because it had devotionals built into it that discussed sexual issues etc. Having a father that has been a pastor/youth pastor for 22 years has taken us through many years of teaching our girls that their worth is found ONLY in our Heavenly Father. My question is how do you encourage it from their head knowing it to their heart, and that they truly believe it! There are many times that they do believe it in the heart, but as we females all know. Got it one day, gone the next! :/ Just interested in your thoughts!
Beth – Being a mom who writes and does conferences all around the country, I run into this with my girls. They travel with me and her my messages over and over and over again. Yet they sometimes show signs that they don’t get it…like you said, kind of like us moms!
I do see glimpses of truth….who they choose to hang out with, dress, etc.
I think as moms we need to be faithful to keep pouring in the truth that He is crazy about them…every chance we get. Bible study. Verses in our homes. The music we listen to. Then we trust the Holy Spirit to bring His revelation. He will be faithful!
Good reminder, Lynn. Thanks! I work with teens and that is a great response for them.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Thanks for the encouragement, Jennifer!