Making Peace the New Norm

Yesterday after school, my youngest quipped, “You sure are acting calm.” Why did she say that? Because it was such a surprise to her! Calming the mama drama has been a desire of my heart and the baby steps of growth are finally beginning to show.

During these years of raising three teens, there are a few key points that are helping me to stop the actions that were destructive in the relationships with my children and instead building a bridge to their hearts. Here are three of the six points I share on my CD “Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart”:

1) Be informed.

The more I am informed about what is going on in their culture, the less shocked I am when they open up and share their world with me.

Friend, I just can’t tell you how important this one is. When we act shocked or devastated by their culture, it causes them to feel that we are “out of it”; we don’t get what is going on.

Keep in touch with the culture. Listen as they are talking with their friends. Be aware.

2) Be approachable.

What would your child tell you if they knew you would not interrupt, not pass judgment or yell? By child number three, I have learned they will share a lot! If you want to be a part of their world, especially when they are teens, you have to be approachable.

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Being approachable opens the door for your child to share his world with you even when he is feeling guilty, fearful or sad. It provides a way to share in his excitement, joys and good times too!

Our body language, tone of voice and reactions all contribute to being approachable.

How would your child rate you in this area?

3) Be accessible.

Slowing down is important so that we can be accessible to our kids when they are ready to talk. If our day is crammed full of running around with activities, volunteering, etc. it will leave little room for real relationship.

Last week I shared how God allowed my world to stop whirling! If you often ask yourself the question, “Why am I in such a hurry?” you might enjoy this devotion from Proverbs 31.

Today, I am giving away one copy of my talk on CD “Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart” (where I share all six points) as well as a Starbucks card so you can enjoy some time being available to your child!

To enter to win, simply share which one of these points would be the most helpful in your relationship with your child if you started taking this step today.

I’ll be posting tomorrow on my “Wednesday Wisdom Tips” the name of the winner!



  1. Michelle in New England says:

    Well said, Lynn. I have my own campaign going on to help me work on these three Fruits of the Spirit — gentleness, patience and self-control. And the acronym is GPS! So, I hope that focusing on GPS will guide me to more peace in my home, and less Mama Drama! Have a blessed day!

    1. Michelle…I love that! Can I use it too? GPS – Gentleness, patience and self-control. Exactly what I need each day (especially at the end of the day when I’m tired!)

    2. Deb in Virginia says:

      Michelle… that’s terrific! I, too, will use “GPS” as a gentle reminder to stay on course: Gentleness, Patience and Self-Control are the three “biggies” for me as a working Mom. Thank You!!

      The timing of this message is so perfect… as is all of God’s timing if I’m paying attention! I really struggle with being Accessible. Much as I desire to be the Mom that God calls me to be, and to truly enjoy spending time with my daughter, as a single mom it is too easy to become caught up in the never-ending list of “to do’s” both at home and at work. I can echo Kim’s sense of it being too much at times… which then ties in with being less Approachable, as my tone becomes more critical and impatient. What a wonderful idea to put your message on CD. I hope to win it so I can listen to it in the car and learn, learn, and re-learn!

    3. I love this, too!! 🙂 Thanks for the acronym that will help me remember.

  2. I need to work on being accessible. Between working full time and going to grad school I am pretty much missing from my girls’ lives. We do eat supper together every night but I need to find ways to connect with them. Hoping to win the CD to listen and learn!

    1. Julie,
      My heart goes out to you! I applaud the fact that you have family dinners. They are so important. Keep doing what you know to do when you can!

  3. Thank you for this wonderful encouragement. I, too, have been learning to give myself “time-outs” when the need arises…to keep myself from coming unglued! I think being more approachable with my children would be my most weak point. Seems like I am very approachable to outsiders…but, when I am home….all walls come down and I lose it! I appreciate that wonderful reminder of being humble and gentle. Two words that I often fight, but so desperately need to conquer! Thank you again for your words of wisdom. I cherish them in my heart. Much Love— from a Sister-in-Christ!

    1. Thank you. I was so happy to see a devotional related directly to keeping calm while raising teen girls. Our oldest- a Sr. in high school has a very hard time with time management- she gets things( homework done eventually- but, not on my time scale. I think my biggest need – since she’ll be going to college next year- is to step back – let her figure things out and not be critical. Thank you for writing about such a needed topic.

    2. Humility just doesn’t seem to come into play when it comes to our kids, but oh how we need it! Pride is a big issue in my family; who doesn’t want to be right (especially as the parent!).

      Lord, help us today. You are gentle and humble. May we be too!

  4. God’s timing never ceases to amaze me! Yesterday was a totally mama drama day. My daughter and I filled the house with our drama and I’m desparate to end it today. I think the biggest impact will be made if I am more approachable. I tend to jump the gun and assume I know what my daughter will say or do next instead of giving her the opportunity to say or do what she chooses. Help me, Lord, to work on my patience and tone of voice today! Not only do I want to have peace in my home but I want to be an example of what the Holy Spirit can do in someone who surrenders to Him.

    1. Carole, My oldest girl has expressed that she is most frustrated when my husband and I assume we know what she is going to say. Even if she does say what we thought, she still needs to express.

      Believing today will be filled with peace!

  5. The tip I found most useful and that I need to do is be accessible. My job as a teacher provides me with so much “homework” that between that and being a mom and a wife and a housekeeper it’s often too much. And normally I am so concerned with getting things done that I turn down requests to play or read because I am too busy. I know I will look back and regret that i didn’t spend more time with my kids… It’s hard!

    1. Kim, I can’t imagine the pull you feel each day. You are right; time is going so fast with our kids. I only have 4 years left. I just can’t believe it!

      Lord, help us discern between when we need to say “yes” and when we need to say “not now”!

  6. I would say that I need to work on being more approachable. I feel like I’m accessible to my children, but when they share, I have a tendency to overreact. I’m a pretty emotional person by nature, so it’s a real struggle to stay calm when I learn about some of the crazy things that teenagers do. Love your reminder to be humble and work on a more gentle spirit. I’ve just discovered your blog and I’m so looking forward to your ongoing tips. Thank you for sharing what God is laying on your heart!

    1. Thanks Addison. Oh…reacting! I have had to work SO hard on that one! Now days, my face is saying, “Yes…I see that that is becoming normal in your culture, but inside I am freaking out!” I didn’t do so well on this with my son and am trying to do better with my girls! So glad you’re a part of our blog community!

  7. I am so glad I found your website. I have been longing to find some Godly advise to help me raise my teen daughters! My youngest is 14 and is completely closed-up. I think I need help with being more accessible. I work full time plus overtime, and am so tired in the evenings that I do not spend quality time with her. I hope that God will provide a way for me to spend more time with my family so that I can help her in this crucial time of her life. She is surrounded by drugs, sex, etc. at school. She cannot face this alone! We will be visiting your website often…thank you.

  8. Christine says:

    What a great devotion! One of my biggest struggles is with patience – in all aspects of my life. The mama drama is what escalate the quickest. The point that will help my relationship with our 3 children the most is being more approachable. This is especially important as they grow. Our oldest is only 5, but it makes a tremendous difference when I allow him to express himself without taking it personally. I pray every morning for a humble and grateful heart, but eliminating the “mama drama” is a process! Thank you for sharing!
    In His Service,

  9. Good morning! Feeling so blessed to discover your website! I was reading your devotion at Proverbs 31 “Mama Drama” and followed the link to your website. Just what I needed today before I get everyone up and ready for school. As a mom of 5 (4 boys and 1 girl ages 16 to 6) Mama Drama is definately something I need to work on. To make myself more approachable and keeping my gasps to myself is one of many areas I need to work on. Communication with your teenagers is so important. Thanks for the reminder to an approachable mom with a gentle and humble spirit. NO FREAK JUST MEEK!=)

  10. It is so easy to just spout off and not to stop and calm down when things get out of control. I have to remember to do this.

  11. Loved your devotion today, always great to be reminded to pause before acting, because overreacting about something isn’t going to help or make it better. Going to use this next time when trying to get out the door with the kiddos (there is always enough time to take a deep breath and invite the Holy Spirit to bring me wisdom and self-control).

  12. Thank you so much for this wonderful info! I spent time with God just yesterday trying to sort through my frustration with not being able to keep myself gentle and patient with my family, especially when I feel like I’m losing control of a situation – whether it is getting everyone out the door on time or just the overwhelming pile of laundry. In addition, I battle the guilt when I do become a “drama mama” because I know that only makes me less approachable to my children. My oldest is turning 12 soon and I really want to conquer this before it’s too late with him! Point number 2 (Be approachable) is the one that will make a huge difference in our household. Thank you for the clarity you have given me about being approachable and about how body language, tone and reaction all determine how approachable we are! I love how God always provides support if we will just go to Him with our needs! Your article is the support I needed! Many blessings ~Lori

  13. Dear Lynn,
    I just want to say ..I know God used you to speak into my life today and I thank you for your willingness to share some of your struggles along with the victory attached. Being a mom is our ministry and so many times we apply scripture to the people on the outside , but overlook the people on the inside of our home ..the ones we are responsible for , why is that !!! I had a thought process change this morning while the Holy Spirit spoke to me through this . I believe that i need to work on all these areas of mama drama . I know my Jesus can rip this old thinking outta me and replace it with His fruits of the spirit. So thank you for allowing God to use you today for my life . I speak an abundance of Gods blessing from His heart over you ,thanks . Shannon

  14. stephanie says:

    Hi lynn! I’m so glad I found your website through 31 ministries devotions.Your devotion today really spoke to my heart.I really want to be more accessible for my 5yr old daughter and I’m expecting another girl in dev! Even as a stay at home mom its so easy to get caught up in the day to day things and how much I need to get done! I don’t want to lose sight of what’s more girls:) thank you so much for your words of wisdom!

  15. Your message was right on target today – just the lesson I needed. You see, I yelled at my 12 yr old daughter last night. I yelled, even cursed.. and kept her up until past 11pm until she completed an assignment that was past due. Now I wonder, how was she to get it done with me standing there yelling? Today, I am ashamed of my behavior.

    One thing I need to work on is being approachable. I almost give her the 3rd degree each day when I ask about her day. She’s not just open and willing to share.. could it be because when she tells me stuff, I react, judge and critique?

    Dear God, please show me how to be more approachable so that my daughter might feel it’s safe to share things with me. Please forgive me for setting a bad example of yelling and swearing to the sweet gift you placed in my house. Help me to have the wisdom and patience to parent more gently. Amen.

  16. Kristine Adams says:

    This was a very timely message for me as I feel that I am always at my son these days. He needs some pushing but not the nagging!

  17. Angie Swanbeck says:

    Be Accessible. Definitely have too much crammed in to our lives. Work full time, volunteer at Church and at school. I need to be more available for my girls. They are 9 & 10 right now, and we are not connecting the way I would like. Pray for discernment on what needs to go…..

  18. I personally need to work on all three, but if I had to chose one it would have to be being approachable.
    I need to learn how to not lose it when I don’t agree with what is being said. To just take the time to listen
    to every thing first and ask for wisdom from God to give to right comment back. I am praying for a gentle spirit.

  19. I need to be approachable. My child is now 6, and I want her to know she can come to me with anything. Often, I react but I need to step back and listen first. I signed up for the weekly emails. It sounds like you and I are on the same page! I have a 6 year old and a 6 mos. old. I need to get it together NOW! Thanks!

  20. I need help with being approachable, not reacting so quickly , being slow to speak and quick to listen. Also not to allow my own frustrations to be taken out on my 4 children. I’m gonna work on giving myself time outs and yielding to the holy spirit.

    1. He’ll help you, Jacqueline!

  21. BEING APPROACHABLE is probably the most helpful tip for me.
    Knowing that Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” is truth is great, but putting that truth into action I have found very difficult.
    I struggle with my kids behaviors (or even my husband’s for that matter) daily and often I can manage to stay calm and efficient, but they just keep pushing each others buttons, and therefore mine too and sometimes I just crack under the relentless pressure.
    There has been a lot of anger and depression passed on to myself and our 2 boys in my 20 year marriage and I often feel I have fallen in to a trap where I am just not who I long to be. As my boys enter their teens I’m realizing how important it will be that they be able to trust me… to not interrupt, not pass judgment or yell… oh, but that can be so difficult!!

    As for being accessible, I feel it is my children that I need to slow down so that my accessibility can be utilized. They want to run off with their friends and game systems constantly, making themselves too busy to connect. I try to find ways to insist on a break with mom which they tend to balk at or begin in with turmoil, but they usually develop into a good time for which they even thank me for sometimes.

    My boys are full of drama too, not just a girl thing. Perhaps it comes from too much mom connection and not enough positive influence from a father figure. Just wondering if this is common for other moms of boys.

    1. Renee, I hear what you are saying about boys. My first born is a boy. Yes…I agree that positive influence from a father is best, but as moms, we can’t control that. At this point, I do my best to invest in my son and ask the Holy Spirit to work on the other end 🙂

    2. Renee,
      I’m a mom whose been there and I’ll tell you what worked for us. When the hubby and the boys are pushing each others buttons, stop it immediately. Tell them that we do need to discuss this, but when all of you are ready to sit down and discuss it calmly and politely without aggravating one another. Then give them the time they need before you all sit down and discuss. In the beginning, I would also talk to each one alone to let them express their feelings, I’d say that I understood and would explain anything that needed corrected. I also talked with my husband alone to help he see that he needed to put Proverbs 15:1 into practice. I felt like I was wearing a black and white referee shirt for quite a while, but it worked. Everyone got much better at talking calmly to each other even when mom wasn’t around. And don’t forget to pray, pray, pray…..
      Good Luck and God Bless, Jan

  22. I can’t pick just one! It is so renewing to know that Christian moms are walking the same journey I am. Sometimes, I feel farthest from Christlike when I am parenting. God must have known the storms that would come with the beginning of our school year and stopped me from making commitments that would keep me from being accessible and He has been silencing my tongue to make me approachable. Certainly they are the two areas that jump out for me to work on. What a blessing for me to open your blog today! Thank you so much!

  23. jill meadors says:

    I would say that all apply to me. It is amazing how God will use different things to speak to me. I have been struggling for awhile with these areas with all of my kids, especially as my two oldest are now teenagers. My bad attitudes are being passed on to them. I feel that I always have to be right and I am quick to judge and jump down their throats. I have put a wall up which has led me to think that I am flawless and I don’t need to fix anything. But my husband has lovingly pointed out these flaws in me. But I am overwhelmed and clueless how to “fix it” and to go backwards and change the way I have been. And then I stumble upon your site, imagine!

    Be informed…..I don’t know why I am shocked when my girls come to me and share things and I want to be quick to resolve or judge….I seem to think that because they are homeschooled or raised by a christian family that things in our house or the world are different, boy am I wrong at times. Don’t get me wrong, they are raised with morals and values, but I am just blinded at times to think that they won’t have to face or deal with things that I did…..

    Be approachable, be accesible…..I am sometimes so busy with “other” things, that I want to hurry them up when talking and not really focus on them and listen to them when they come to me. I need to be more available and be thankful that they want to open up to me and continue to keep myself open for them…..

    Thank you so much for this devo this morning… will be a tremendous help, and I am ready and willing to apply it!

  24. Be accessible speaks right to my heart. I am always so busy doing a million things, but the most important thing that I should be doing is making time to be with and to listen to my children. I have a long road to walk to get to where I need to be with my 9 year old boy/girl twins. I just happened upon your blog today, and I feel that it was put there on purpose on my path to help me with my journey. It so helps me to know that there are other moms out there struggling with these issues, sometimes you can feel so alone with this! Thank-you, and I look forwards to reading and learning more!

  25. I can overreact and cause lots of Mama Drama in my home and I’m the mom of 4 BOYS! I can’t imagine if they were girls! 🙂 The drama factor isn’t reserved just for daughters, that’s for sure! 🙂 I could stand to work on all 3 points of being informed, approachable, and accessible. But, being informed stands out to me today b/c I tend to want to keep my boys “in the bubble” and protect them from hearing, viewing, experiencing anything I wouldn’t want them to. But as 2 are in middle school and since I can’t go to school with all of them every day :), this isn’t possible! Despite my best efforts at “policing their music”, I can’t control what they hear around school, etc. So being informed of their culture is big right now so I don’t overreact in shock and horror so they don’t share with me. It was so much easier when they were little and home with me and I had more of a say in what they’re exposed to! Not to mention the unbelievable task ahead of us to raise 4 God fearing, God loving, respectable GENTLEMAN in today’s oversexed society.

    Lord, help us all as moms who are trying to raise good Christian children to honor and obey You in a world where that challenge only grows!

  26. I think the be accessible part is sometimes the most difficult. And I don’t mean just physically. Being accessible emotionally and spiritually is usually more challenging than being in the same room.

  27. Amy James says:

    Being accessible. I am a “To Do” girl. Always something to do. God has been working on me to slow down and look at my priorities. If I am so busy doing, I am not accessible for my kids. I know he will help me work through this, so my priorities are in alignment with his. Thanks for the encouragement.
    Excited to share your “His Revolutionary Love” with my sister, she has a 13 year old daughter and I think they would enjoy reading it together. My daughter is 10, do you think it is to young to start with her?

    1. Amy, I have had several moms with girls who are 10 go through “His Revolutionary Love” and said it was a good thing. Girls are starting the boy thing earlier and earlier. Better to be early than late. I started sharing with my girls that Jesus was crazy about them from the start. At 17 and 14, I am seeing the fruit of that. While the majority of their friends have lost their virginity, my girls have yet to have had their first kiss. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! and everything to do with Jesus’ ability to fill a girl’s heart with His confidence so she doesn’t have to run to boys!



  29. Your blog has really hit home with me. I think being approachable is one of the points I especially need to work on. I have had a tendency to be a Drama Mama…and I’m hoping to stop that cycle.

  30. Stephanie says:

    My daughter and step daughter are adults now but I have a sweet grand-daughter that I am keeping and a 14 year old son, and I need to be accessible in the fact that I let them see the real me. That I do know what is going on in their world and that I was not perfect when I was their age. I may not have done a lot of things that weren’t pleasing to God or my parents but I was no where near perfect and it is hard sometimes to share that with them. I even still need to be that way with my daughters because even though they are 24 and soon to be 21 they still need mom to be accessible in that way and not to react so suprised with their struggles. Enjoyed your devotion today, thank you for sharing.

  31. Lynn,
    What a wonderful message for today. And I am so glad to see someone use the GPS analogy. That is what we talked about a couple of weeks ago at our retreat, allowing God’s ultimate GPS, his word that he gave us as a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path to lead us and guide us. As a mother of two adult daughters, I am learning that being accessible means more than just being available, it means being willing to give of yourself even when you must move out of your comfort zone to do so. But, if we follow His word, His GPS and move when He says move, turn when He says turn and even exit when we have to, the journey will be a lot smoother and the reward waiting for us when we arrive at our destination will be worth whatever price we have to pay to get there. Thank you so much. Be Blessed.

  32. Wow, I definitely need to work on all three of these, but I would say the most beneficial one would be is being accessible…our family is always so busy I feel like we never have any down time!

  33. Exactly how many self-imposed timeouts a day is too many? It is so amazing how when you can successfully take that breath, and heed the Holy Spirit’s reigns, how much better the situation can be handled. I feel that the “Be Approachable” aspect holds the most truth/battle for me. The sentence,”What would your child tell you if they knew you would not interrupt, not pass judgment or yell?” holds the key to my biggest challenge. I have such an expressive face, that they know my feelings even if I haven’t said a word yet. That’s a tough challenge to “tame my face” after 40+ years of unruliness!! But how much better will my relationships be with my girls, my husband & everyone else? I’ll let you know!

  34. The devotion was just for me. I have a four year old and he whines when he is tired. Somedays i can handle the whining , some days i cannot. Yesterday was one of the mama drama days. I had to step back and pray . This is area that i really need to work on,so I can the best mom to my son.

    Thanks for the devotion.

  35. I definitely need to work on being more approachable. I have boys aged 17 & 21 and I have a tendency to interrupt them and throw my two cents in before there done telling me about there day.
    I would love to win the cd!


    Janet W.

  36. First of all, thank you. You ministered to my heart today. Being more approachable and then taking lots of TIME to fully listen and bond.

  37. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for being obedient to the Holy Spirit in your writing. I have 4 girls and we are entering the drama phase – mama and daughter! 🙂 I know I need to work on being approachable. I am very accessible, but that doesn’t mean they want to talk to me, since I know I often finish their sentence or interrupt them. Thanks for the reminder to listen with patience and understanding.

  38. I love your blog post today! I need to work on being approachable AT ALL TIMES.

  39. jodi simmons says:

    I need to learn how to be more approachable. My kids are young and while I have blown it, I have time to change. Thanks for the reminder.

  40. I would have to say the key step for me would be to “be informed”. I remember during my school years my parents weren’t informed and didn’t know the pressures I was facing. I seem to have fallen in that same category. It is important for me to stay informed with what is happening at school and how I as a parent can make their days or weeks better. Instead of being the last to know I should be the first because I’ve already been through this once myself.

    The devotion this morning and the article above are really in line with what God has placed in my heart recently. Lynn – thank you for listening to God and sharing this wisdom. He has placed you here to speak through you to me.

    Blessings –

    Debra C.

  41. I’m not sure I can pick just one point to comment on. I can see I need to work on each point you brought up. This post is so timely in my life. I’m eager to learn more of what you have learned. Thank you for sharing.

  42. Michelle Rich says:

    I love the acronym GPS! That is a great way to remember those fruits. I have to say that I worry about being out of touch, especially as my oldest (11 yrs) is more exposed to the things of this world. We set limits on what he watches and listens to, but we can’t be everywhere and hear all of the conversations he is around.

  43. Marquita Davis says:

    I am a mother of 1 year old twins, so I find all three very important and will remember this when they become older. The one that would be most important for my mother who has a teenage daughter at home now would be approachable. Having a teenager its important to make sure your child can approach you to invovle you in thier life. I beleive that if a parent masters this step it will help them be more accessible and informed because thier children see them as a parent they can come to and be apart of thier life.

  44. michelle h says:

    it’s certainly ‘be accessible’. i’m always running in so many directions that i have a hard time remembering to slow down and listen. I know i’m not doing it well enough when my oldest completely loses it with me!

  45. Definitely the second point, being accessible. You would think because I am an at-home mother, I would have all the time in the world to sit and chat with my almost 10 yr old daughter. But I see myself so busy with other things, that I push her away. I expect way too much from her and end up creating my own drama on a daily basis. I feel as though I’m losing her. I don’t know how to stop the rage train when things don’t work out the way I think they should. She has told me on several occasions in the past few weeks that I never let her finish. I always jump in and start talking before she even completes a sentence. I want to change now before it’s too late. I want a better relationship with her.

  46. I would have to say that being accessible is the one I need to work on. I do feel I spin out of control sometimes. I have always tried to make myself approachable. I have a 24 year old son who does feel he can call me and talk about anything. He never hesitates to call when he needs prayer. He doesn’t always take my advise, but he always says thanks for listening and praying with me through this. When he does things I feel he will probably regret I pray, let him know I am praying, love him through it, and make sure I am there when he is ready to talk again. I have 3 three younger children that are learning that they can come to me as well. I hope as they reach the teen years they will continue to come to me with any concerns, hurts, questions and joys, and know that I will be there for them, with my knee pads on ready to pray with them.

    Thanks for an awesome weekend at Camp Willow Run!
    Cindy L.

  47. Stephanie says:

    I really appreciated this devotional today because it is something I am struggling with right now. Being a busy mom I am finding I am reacting in stress. I have read many great things here and look forward to the weekly tips. I am going to say being accessible. I am a stay at home mom but just the regular day to day stuff keeps me so busy and doing homework. I need to make sure that I am not just here. Also sometimes when they tell me I do not really listen and just respond with what they should do but I need to take the time to listen and respond. Parenting is so hard.

  48. Sharon King says:

    Be assessible! That is the point I need to remember and practice. I do focus on my girls (twins ages 12 1/2) when they need help with homework, but then I get busy with cooking and cleaning and working outside the home

    I know they need the attention and I need to make time to give it to them… and fully show them by my body language, tone, and eye contact.

    Thanks for this reminder!


  49. Oh my, talk about being convicted!!! Just this morning, as I pushed, cajoled, and (yes, *sigh*) bribed my son to get ready for school, I could feel myself putting on the mental, emotional brakes and this invisible wall came up between us. Being “Accessible” was the last thing on my mind as the bus drove past our driveway and my son was holed up in his room. When his teacher called to see if he was going to be at school today, her “Good morning, how are you?” benign greeting was answered with an emphatic”I’m frazzled!” (which surprised her, I think.) My son has anxiety issues and mornings are rough. Praise God there is no evidence of bullying (we have thoroughly examined the possibility) but we battle his fear that ‘something is wrong’. The thing that gets to me is that I KNOW that if I can just walk away for a minute to pray – my GPS (I love that!) starts working again. I know this because sometimes I can remember to do it. Other times, like this morning, I let the frustration get to me and I become a large-and-not-so-in-charge Drama Mama. Thanks Lynn, for your words of encouragement. Keep on keeping on!

  50. I really need to work on being more approachable. I have girls ages 7 and 11 and the 11 year old thinks that the 7 year old gets more attention. I find myself at times being short and approaching her in a grouchy way and it really breaks my heart. And I really needed your drama mama devotional today. Maybe the lord knew what I needed to hear today.

    This cd sounds like just what i need to turn things around.

    May God Bless!

    Tammy E.

  51. I really need to become more approachable. My instinctual reactions are ALWAYS wrong. I need to train myself with help from the Holy Spirit to have the best reactions, so that my kids feel that they can always come to me.
    Thanks for the give-away!


  52. I am certain my daughter would say I am neither approachable nor accessible. Although we do manage some good times of sharing on occasion I know it needs to be more. I too am busy with work and many kid activities, dinner, house etc. I see myself daily going through life to hurridly and not giving the time to my kids I long to give. I am trying, praying daily that I get better at this and minimize the mama drama too! I want to build the bridge to my daughter’s heart before she is too far away! I

  53. I need to be more accessible for my girls. I have 2, ages 11 and 15, and they are at a point in their lives where they are facing very adult situations at school. I always stop to listen to them when i know they need answers to the hard questions or are really troubled about something. However, i find myself not always taking the time to stop and listen when the just want to chat. What i’m realizing is that it’s during those innocent talks that i’m building trust with them. My goal is to learn to stop, and look them in the eye when they speak, so that they know that even the little things they say to me are important.
    Thank you for the reminder!

  54. Deanna Murray says:

    I totally agree! I know I need to be more accessible….although I think I am pretty accessible; I also know that ‘other things’ can slip in the way of the most important thing – my available to my 16yr old son!

  55. I think Be Approachable is the idea I need to work on at this point!

  56. The point of being accessible is very relevant for me right now. Even though I am a stay-at-home mom, it seems that I am never at home. Between the four kids and all of their activities and school meetings, I feel like I am just a visitor in their lives and not really engaged as I should be. Even at this moment as I write, my two year-old wants me to read a book. Now that that is done, I just want to be able to balance being a mom, military wife who is living with the in-laws, sister and new auntie! I just don’t want my kids to look back and not remember me being completely there for them and know that I value my relationship with each of them!

  57. The point I find the most helpful in the relationship with my children is to be approachable. I need a lot of work in this area. I babysit out of my home, so sometimes especially at the end of the day, I need to reflect on Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Thank you for your insight and points.

  58. Lori McNulty says:

    I think being informed would be the best part of my world right now. My reaction to things tend to be a little over the top sometimes.

  59. Wow! I wish I had found you about 10 years ago! My daughter is 24, and I have learned much the hard way. About 6 years ago I had my ahh ha moment, and lost most all the mama drama then, Praise God!
    My biggest challenge would be to be in tune to the current culture that my children are living in.
    Sometimes I prefer to tune it out, but thank you for that reminder.

    Moms, find time for your girls and boys, because I am here to tell you that they will become young women and men in the blink of an eye!

  60. I definitely need to work on being more approachable. I have three teenage daughters and I tell them all the time, “You can come to me with anything.” I have found that there are times when they try, but my attitude quickly turns them away. Then I find that they come to me less and less, and I wonder why. I tend to be judgmental and I am quick to speak before thinking about what I should say. I am sorry to say I have offended my daughters and hurt them at times and, for this, I must apologize. I need to take a “time out”, as you mentioned, and stop to think about what my response should be and make sure my response reflects love. I love my daughters so very much and I want more than anything for our home to be a place of peace and security and I now realize that this must start with me. Praying for a peaceful homefront and God’s love to be reflected through me.

    1. Keep listening and not judging Sandra. With your apology and sincere heart, I am sure they will try again 🙂

  61. Thanks so much for your honest and wise words! I want to pray for my reactions and words. I think right now being approachable would be what I need to work on. I tend to jump in and correct or make sure my point is heard which rarely goes over well! I like the “mama drama” phrase and the GPS from an earlier comment. Thanks for sharing!

  62. For me, I need to work on being accessible. Though I typically do not have my days crammed full, there seems to be periods of time where this isn’t true. The last 3 weeks between running the kids around to soccer practice, choir/band concerts, birthdays, the shopping for the birthdays, and all that fun stuff has run us all ragged and the cranky mama drama demon has come out quite a bit. I need to be more aware of future weekely activities and schedule some time off and not commit to so many things thinking “oh, I’m not busy in October” when it’s July and then getting to October and realizing I have 2 nights out of 31 days that don’t have some special extra to-do on it!

  63. At this phase of life, I would definitely say I need to work on being accessible when they want to talk. I find myself always looking ahead at the next task to be done and not focusing on who is right in front of me. This is exactly what I’ve been working through lately and once again God has given confirmation through another source – in this case, your devotion/website. Thank you.

  64. Natalie Buckner says:

    BE APPROACHABLE!!! I am the single mother to two wonderful teenagers. . . But, I often find, with all of my daily business – work, school, helping them with homework, providing for them. . . the list goes on and on, I find that my girls often tell me that I am not approachable and I fly of the handle (i.e, “pop off.”) for no reason. Well, I know that my reasoning for doing it is that I am stressed about a bill or my day and I allow it to take over my emotions. But, after flying off the handle, God immediately chastens me, and I feel his loving knudge telling me to go make it right. But, I bet my kids would talk to me more if I would learn to let go (that is what God is teaching me, lesson-by-lesson, in this season) and to lean on God. So, I won’t bore you with endless details but I will say that I can identify with your devotional today, both here and on Girlfriends in God (I get those daily). I just pray that I can gain the wherewithall to BE CALM and approachable for my girls. I don’t want them to grow up and be the same way with their kids, or have their childhood ruined because their mom does not know how to REALLY JUST LET GO, STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE BILLS AND EVERYTHING ELSE AND JUST LET GOD DO IT ALL THROUGH ME, WILLINGLY. . .Please pray for me.

    1. Natalie, sometimes when I feel myself getting ready to yell at a child about something small and I recognize that she really isn’t my issue, I’ll tell her. “I am really stressed out right now and it really isn’t about you. It’s really about…” Then share with her. It helps her to know the why behind my attitude and it helps me to stop projecting it on to her.

      Father, please help my friend to learn to trust and rest. Teach her to run to you and dump all her troubles there; on the one who can truly do something about them!

  65. I need to tape Proverbs 15:1 to my forehead, maybe then I can remember a gentle word turns away wrath!!

    1. You’d look like an Old Testament priest! Whatever works 🙂

  66. I need to work on all three of these so badly. We just adopted an almost teen and I am constantly on her case for not doing things the way I want them done. And I really don’t know why. My husband is constantly pointing out to me that I’m harsh with her, and not only does she not deserve it (she IS AMAZING) she is trying so hard to seek my approval and I am constanly nitpicking. I am not patient, kind or gentle with her. And she is the most helpful, respectful, delightful tween you could ask for. I need to love her, and instead of being afraid of being rejected by her (my underlying fear) grasp that is how she is feeling and pour love on her. I need to be a safe place for her, not a judgmental one.

    1. Jen, I can be the same way. Sometimes my daughter will remind me, “I’m not smoking pot. Not sleeping with boys. I’m a good kid, why do you pick on things like my bedroom?” She’s got a point!

  67. Being accessible! Turning and looking them in the eyes -not just 1/2 listening while doing something else! That’s my current homework from God!

    1. That one is hard but so important. Looking our child in the eyes says “You are important to me…more important than anything else right now!”

  68. Sarah Lindsay says:

    I would like to be more accessible! Not even for my oldest daughter; but for my middle daughter as well. She is the one that seems to get lost in the midst of four children. Yet, she is at the age where it is all “just starting” (7th grade/12 yrs. old). I tend to get busy with everything else and wait for them to come to me, instead of making myself more available and accessible!

  69. I need to work more on being informed. I’m working on it, but there are still a lot of things going on today with tweens and teens that shock me!

  70. I love the point about being approachable. I don’t yet have teens. My kids are 8, 5, 4, and 2 but I will be there before I know it. I know that if I am approachable now, this will develop into a habit and a pattern of approachability that I so long for when they’re older too. Thanks for sharing these points. I’d LOVE to win the CD…and Starbucks is a guilty pleasure! 🙂

  71. I definitely need to work on being more accessible

  72. Brenda Schiesser says:

    Well, my children are grown but I see my grandkids suffering because their parents are too busy to stop and breath much less listen. My heart aches daily for them. I think that being more accessible is the most important point listed. I would love to be able to give them you CDif I were to win it. Thanks for the chance.

  73. Being accessible…that is what I lack often. Our daughters at 14,13,7 and 4. Someday the younger ones crowd my attention with physical demands and as a result I am shut off to our older 2 daughters. Somedays I admit that I have little left to give the older girls. One on one time is a key element to keeping the door open. Recently l turned down participating on activities outside of our home, so that I can focus more on our older daughters. Keeping the door open to their hearts is a challenge on so many levels.

    1. Tanya…keep putting those kids before outside activities. The fruit in your kids’ lives will be so worth it!

  74. Can’t wait to share with the moms who just started studying together at our church. I think being accessible is hardest to accomplish with everyone’s busy schedules.

  75. This was just a great reminder to slow down and take a deep breathe when frustrations start to rise.

  76. My daughter and I both have anxiety issues, so mine would be to become more approachable and not overreact over everything that happens. (which makes our anxiety worse)

  77. God’s timing is SO perfect!! We have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. I have been praying and asking God to help me control me (the mama drama). I need to work on being approachable. I do not want my daughter or son to feel I am going to judge them or yell at them or be angry with them. Even if I am disappointed in what they have done, I desperately want to make sure they know I love them more than I can put into words. Thank you for allowing God to speak through you and touch my life!!

  78. Melissa Giomi says:

    I would say for me it would be Being Approachable. I try to understand, listen and not be judgemental, but I have noticed lately that I’m not doing such a great job of it. I let worry and fear get in there and stir me all up so that I don’t listen respectfully and try to see where my daughter is coming from and how to approach her so she feels safe with me. I know God can change me! I ask Him to every day. Thanks for this devotional, very helpful!

  79. Karen Rodriguez says:

    Mine is being accessible and then approachable. In the last few months I have learned a great way to make myself accessible to my teenage daughter. When she’s doing her homework in the family room, or reading, or on her lap top in the family room, I park myself in the same room with a book. Within just a few minutes (and barely a couple of pages read), she will start talking to me about “stuff”. I learned this quite by accident and at first got a little frustrated because I really wanted to take advantage of a little down time to read! (smile) Now, I go in there with my book in hand, but I am hopeful that it will turn into a sharing time instead. It works almost every time!
    Next, I need to be approachable. I need to be careful to use this precious time as a time to “listen”, not necessarily give advice, unless asked. Advice/guidance can come at some other time once I’ve had time to process things.
    Lynn, thanks for the opportunity to share, and win. 🙂

    1. Karen,
      I have heard this approach more than once and love it! You are right; we do long for times when we can have our own time. I love to read at night in my bed. Sometimes when my girl comes in I think, “I just want some me time!” I have to remember that in 4 years I’ll have more me time than I know what to do with!

  80. Thank I needed this!!!

  81. Thank you for this post. I would say that I need to be more Approachable. 7 months ago our world changed when we were called to adopted a 5 year old boy from Ukraine. Our son has been with us for 3 months now. Our daughter, age 11 has been extremely giving and accepting during this process. But it’s beginning to wear on her. Maybe she thinks “Mom is to busy with my new brother and doesn’t have time for me” and unfortunetly sometimes when she needs me, my frustration meter is at a all time high. This leads me to not respond in the best manner to her needs. I need to breathe and have a time out . . and be more approachable and cut out the Mama Drama.

  82. Being Approachable. I try so hard on this, but I still seem to interrupt when I need to be quiet and listen. Thanks so much for this post.

  83. I have a 12, 14, and 17 year old. Being approachable and available is where I shine. But being informed is where I don’t. I tend to not wait for the facts or listen to everything before I act rashly. You are reminding me of the importance in working on this. Thanks!

  84. Being accessible. It is not only being accessible to them that matters, but I am learning when is the most important time of the day for her to talk. Definitely not morning, my daughter is not a morning person. After school and volleyball practice she needs some down time to herself. So after dinner as I’m cleaning up the kitchen she will usually come around and sit at the bar. I know that is the signal to pay attention, but I still have to force myself to stop and be still while she is approaching a subject. Thank you for continuing to encourage the rest of us.

  85. Melanie McKinley says:

    Thankyou for the lovely post. I think point number three for me is essential. Seems between dance, cheer, hubby, church, work and the rest we have little time to connect. A whirlwind of activity from sunup to sunset. I noticed just changing my am routine (coffee and email) to sit and talk with them while they have breakfast sure makes a difference in their willingness to open up about girl stuff. Thanks again for the wonderful stuff!! God Bless Melanie McKinley, [email protected]

  86. My 11 year old would say I need to be more approachable. She has personally been dealing with hard friendships. She’s fallen into some false belief systems and is trying very hard to walk away from them. It has done a number on her self-worth and confidence but its also very hard for her to make a clean break from friendships she’s had for a long time. It takes baby steps. I am feeling very protective of her and I know there are times when she chooses to keep things from me just because of the way I might react. In fact, just last week, she was in tears because she was worried how I would feel after hearing about what had happened at school. It broke my heart to see her crying in fear of what her mother would say! That hit me sooo very hard. I know I need to work on this but its hard to know where to start when I feel like I’ve done some damage. Your doses of encouragement and wisdom are so perfectly timed in my life as a mother. I want to be close to my daughters and build a lifelong relationship of trust and unconditional love. I want to be exactly what they need in their adventures to becoming strong, confident, beautiful women.

  87. Well my girls are still young, but i’m trying to glean everything that i can now!!! i would love to listen to your talk and begin trying to become the mom I need to be!

  88. Thank you for this post! I definitely need to work on being more approachable. Blessings!

  89. Jennifer Klemple says:

    Hi Lynn,

    I would pick #2..being approachable because my 8th grader does confide in me at times but I would love for her to do that more. Her older sister does quite a bit and we have good talks and I want that for my youngest too. It is so important. I want them both to remember when they get older that their mom was there for them no matter what.

  90. Lucy Sanguinetti says:

    I’ve learned that being informed does NOT mean that you try to talk the teen lingo…..that will only make you look ridiculous to your children. Being informed means that you keep up with what is going on….you listen to your kids and their friends when they are talking in the car or in the den, etc. You watch the news and look at their facebook accounts (if they have one) and stay abreast of what is going on today. You will be shocked, for sure! But you cannot act shocked to them! You must be calm and reassure them that similar things happened in your day, in your time, that were equal to this. But be sure that they know that even though today IS DIFFERENT, morals and values and spiritual truths remain constant! God’s love never changes….even though the times do change.

  91. Shay Greer says:

    I found the Proverbs 31 site this past weekend and I am very excited to see something so specifically targeted for what I need as a mom. Today’s blog is very timely for me as I have been searching for ways to stay connected to my 9 yr old daughter who is quickly growing up. I think I first need to work on being more approachable. That instead of always trying to make the conversation a “teachable” moment and doing most of the talking, that I need to learn to simply just listen and provide encouragement so that I don’t scare her away from wanting to tell me things for fear of a long drawn out “lecture”.

  92. I, too, was blessed to find your website this afternoon! I was reading something on Prov. 31 and followed the link to your site. I have two girls of my own and am familiar with Mama Drama more than I’d like to be! The thing I need to work on the most (of the three you listed) is being approachable. I tend to REACT instead of RESPOND almost everytime. Ugh. Thanks for the encouragement today!

  93. Point 3 – Be Accessible. My day at the office (home business) begins at the end of my daughter’s school day. So it is always a challenge to balance the two. But I try to remember when she walks in the door is the best time for her to share her life with me!

  94. My children are young, but I can already see the importance of being accessible to them. Our children’s group is studying the fruits of the spirit and I hope to use some of your points on gentleness in their lesson.

  95. I need to be more approachable & accessible. I try to be informed but my reactions is not always the best even w/ my daughter just being 8. I do get to caught in life and catch myself saying ” Mama is busy” I feel guilty know that if I turn them away now that they will be less likely to turn to me later. I want to thank you for all the encouragement I recieve through your site! I know God will bless you for your willingness to help others!

  96. heather c says:

    #2-Be Approachable. I’ve blown this one so many times I don’t know if my kids would ever trust me again!

  97. I need to work on being more approachable. My 16 year old daughter has actually commented about not wanting to tell me because I would get mad. (Things like misplacing phone AND having it on silent, forgetting to tell me she needed something the next morning… or telling me after we pull into the driveway 20 minutes from town) I will have to remember the GPS comment for in the morning. I have already discovered that some of my make-up items are not where they should be…they rarely are! Oh well, at least I am aware that it will be a morning of searching. Thank you for taking the time to share with us. Your words are a much needed blessing. I could use prayer for healing/diagnosis over my 13 year old daughter. We have a doctor’s appointment this month to see what is going on. Renee’s “Day 2” reminded me that “God is in control”…needed to hear that, too!

  98. I can really use work in all these areas! I need to be present. I really need to slow down and take in the moments I’m blessed to have with my sweet boys. But somedays I feel like a volcanic eruption just waiting to blow my top. Please share….I can use all the tools you can give.

  99. With my daughter, I think I can probably use some practice with all three areas, but most of all with being approachable. Since I work at her school I know a great deal about what is going on in her peer group. I am also trying to be accessible. I have been making a point of spending time with her at home and on special “girls only” trips without her brother and father. My problem is that whenever I try to ask anything, anything at all, I kind of get the feeling that she thinks I’m just being nosey. Seriously, it doesn’t matter how minor the question. I can ask, “How was that test today?” or “When is your next cross-country race?” and it really bothers her. She just doesn’t like questions and has stated so on some occasions. I try to explain gently to her that the only way I can find things out is to ask them, but I can still tell that it bothers her.

  100. Jennifer hodge says:

    I need more of all three! But most especially SELF CONTROL! I grew up in a home where I didn’t see a whole lot of that and it has been a struggle managing my temper. God has so richly blessed me, it’s amazing. I need to honor Him by keeping His teachings on kindness, mercy and my own discipline…

  101. BE APPROACHABLE–I think this is where I fall the most short, although I could use a little help in all 3. Sometimes I feel like when my kids are talking to me, I’m not really listening, I’m busy doing other things and I never really “hear” them! I need to stop what I am doing and really listen to what they are saying.

  102. I need to be more approachable. But when I actually sit down and think about this, I think I need to work on all three. Need to start working on this one NOW!!!!

  103. Mine is being INFORMED. I think God has really helped me on the approachable and accessible aspects of our relationship because of some Mamma Drama of my own, but I don’t think I understand how to know what’s going on without being nosey. I want to connect with my kids and be there for them, but I know I need to know the world the are revolving in. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us so we can learn how to be the moms God intended!! God Bless!!

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