Wednesday Wisdom Tip – The Best Sex



At one of my conferences, I met the cutest girl, I would guess that she was around 15. She came up to my book table and said, “My boyfriend and I have been having oral sex for months now. How come we don’t feel guilty?”

She didn’t feel guilty for several reasons.

Maybe she had thought of that very thing long before she did it.

Possibly she hadn’t protected her heart and mind, but had in fact, turned it off so she wouldn’t feel guilty.

Most likely she surrounded herself with people doing the same thing; not those who were radical about getting God’s best. Her reasoning got messed up.

She didn’t call this act outside of marriage “sin” and instead gave it a new label.

Before my time, sex before marriage was called fornication. If you did it, you hid it. There was shame for those who had sex before they were married. Fornication is the word the Bible uses; it means “voluntary sex between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.” It means wrong; sin.

When I was growing up, it was just called sex. Still known as wrong between two people not married to each other, but we didn’t use the Biblical word “fornication”. That would make it seem way too bad!

Now, it’s simply “friends with benefits” or “sleeping with my boyfriend” or “hooking up”; how benign. Actually, how beneficial to those doing it. “Friends with Benefits” or “Sleeping with my boyfriend” sounds so very, very far from bad, wrong or sinful. Simply change the label and we feel better.

Here is how Christine Caine described sin in a sermon  she spoke at Elevation Church:

“Have you ever heard of “Old English”? It’s this bottle of nearly black stuff that I use to cover up the flaws in my furniture. Drop a knife, kick a table…when a scratch is created, I grab the “Old English”, dap some on my rag and wala…the scratch is gone. Basically, it is a bottle of poison that fixes stuff. It’s really cool stuff, but it’s never meant to be ingested.

Now, what if I take the “Old English” label off, put on a label that says “chocolate syrup” on the bottle and put it in the frig. Now it suddenly becomes something else, right?

No! It is still poison!”

Sex was created by God to give a crazy amount of pleasure one day with the one man, who through marriage, has committed to spending the rest of your life with you. That is how He defines it and He does so that one day you can experience the best sex!

That is what we want for our kids…God’s best. Let’s be bold enough to share with them!


* Taken from Lynn Cowell’s talk “Why Wait?” given at her “His Revolutionary Love” conferences. Available here.



  1. Thank you for sharing this today Lynn! I’m going to share this with my teens and my church teens…some young adults too.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Thanks for your encouragement, Linda! You’re the best 🙂

  2. Yup! Forwarded right to my girls. When we talk about sex, sin, in certain words, we water down the significance. We live in a world that is convinced if it feels good in some way, do it. You’re just being normal.

  3. So TRUE!! I recently had a conversation with a young girl who has never been married and has two children by two different men. He comment to me was, “I used condoms and was on the pill for both. God must have really wanted me to get pregnant.” It never occurred to her that God wanted her to wait and have those babies with a husband.

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