Bare Naked Truth {Give Away}

Bare Naked



The winner from last Friday’s “Fill Me Up” pack is Cheri who posted at 7:56 a.m. on 6/21. Congratulations, Cheri! Please be sure to send me your full name and address to [email protected] and I’ll get that right out to you!

I’m so excited to have as my guest poster today, Bekah Hamrick Martin. Bekah’s new book, The Bare Naked Truth; Dating, Waiting and God’s Purity Plan, is an amazing new resource for you to share with your girl!

Repulsed by the Word “Purity”

I was four years old when a friend of the family molested me, not once, but multiple times. Withdrawing, I suffered in silence–believing this man would make good on the promise to harm me more if I spoke to anyone about it.

In the years that followed, I sat up straight in my seat while youth group leaders talked about “purity” and “saving yourself”, but mentally I was curled up in the corner with my fingers jammed in my ears. My mind had repressed most of the horrific memories, but I knew enough to feel I wasn’t “pure”. Even more, the word repulsed me.

Not long ago Elizabeth Smart revealed in her book, My Story, how the Mormon concept of purity affected her decision to stay with her kidnapper and rapist. She writes about a lecture on abstinence which compared girls who weren’t virgins to a used piece of chewing gum:

“I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”

While Elizabeth’s family would never have wanted her to come to this faulty conclusion, as a young child she could only draw on fragments of information during a traumatic situation.

I’m Not Elizabeth, but Part of Me Understands

I cringed when the marketing world recently branded my book as a “purity” book. There was no way around it; without that popular word, parents wouldn’t know the book was about grace-driven abstinence, and bookstore owners wouldn’t know where to place the manuscript on the shelf. But as I checked “okay” on the last draft of the book, I couldn’t help but think about the girl I used to be–curled up in the corner, despising that word.

My goal was to help my readers out of that place, not drive them into it.

Richard Beck, in a recent article titled Elizabeth Smart and the Psychology of the Christian Purity Culture, compares our concept of purity to an experiment in which water is contaminated and then
purified. He says, “The judgment appears to be ‘once contaminated, always contaminated.’ The implication here is that contamination–a loss of purity–is a catastrophic judgment creating a state that cannot be rehabilitated. The foodstuff is, as we say, ruined. And if ruined it’s only fit for the trash.”

Rebranding  “Purity”

To tell a girl she is impure may unintentionally make her believe she cannot be rehabilitated. While “purity” is a scriptural term, I believe our Americanized version of the word carries a different
connotation. When food was contaminated in Biblical times, I believe because resources were scarce, every effort was probably made to rehabilitate the item (unless it was “ceremonially unclean”). In America today, when food is contaminated, we replace it.

You Are Irreplaceable and Valuable

The excerpt from Smart’s book definitely made me reconsider my wordage while talking with teen girls even further. If we want to reach women with a positive message about sexual decisions, we need to be careful about the words we choose. In the words of Madison, a contributor to The Bare Naked Truth,

“It is imperative that girls know their worth and their value is not derived from their innocence. That it is not earned from anything they do or refrain from doing. We are valuable because God says we are. He loved us, created us, and called us His children.”

As the church, how do you feel we are doing in communicating their worth to today’s young women? I am giving away a copy of Bekah’s new book today. To be entered, please share your thoughts or simply say, “I’m in” in the comments below.

Bekah Hamrick Martin is a childhood abuse survivor and the author of The Bare Naked Truth: Dating, Waiting & God’s Purity Plan (Zondervan, 2013), the book that takes a stab at the lies teen girls believe about sex and relationships. She lives in North Carolina with her tall Swedish husband of six years, Ethan, and their Tiny Human, Zoey Bree. You can join Bekah for her Facebook launch party of the book tonight here.





  1. I’m In! As my 10 year old daughter, and only girl, is now entering puberty and experiencing all those bodily changes, I find myself also entering a whole new phase in life. As we discuss the whats and whys of the wonderful body God has created, we will also have to begin the discussion of sex and God’s plan for that in our lives. I find myself struggling with explaining how God loves us despite of the choices we make – yet I don’t want her to make the wrong choices! This book looks like an excellent resource for someone in my position. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.

    1. I am right there with you Laura!! My 10 year is maturing physically, emotionally, and spiritually on a daily basis it seems. I’m trying hard to keep up.

  2. Becky May says:

    I’m In!!!! Thank you!

  3. LaKenya Perry says:

    I would like to enter in, The Bare Naked Truth give away. I think that this book will be a true blessing to all ladies young and old!

  4. Angela Taylor says:

    Hi Lynn,

    “I’m in”. I agree that first we need to teach young girls that they are worth something by just being their self and no matter what God will always love them. I was raped when I was young and then I got pregnant at 14 years old. Well I turned to my pastor and what he told me then kept me away form any church for over 30 years. What he said hurt me to the core. He told me to leave his church and never come back that I was a disgrace to God and church. I know better now Praise God. I don’t want any child to go through that.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Angela, I cannot imagine how broken hearted the Lord was the day your heart was broken! I am so glad you have the church a second chance…even if we really messed this whole issue up! Thank you Jesus that you are the healer and the one who brings truth!

  5. This is amazing. As someone who has been abused I love this!
    I would totally want my daughters to have this book 🙂

  6. Lynn,
    I’m in! I love what you are doing. I’m currently leading a “His Revolutionary Love” study with my daughter and 10 of her high school friends. They are soaking it up and I am being so blessed by it! These girls are learning how much God loves them no matter what! Bekah’s book sounds awesome. There are no damaged goods! God can redeem anything and he can give back the years the locust have eaten!

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Thank you so much, Pam, for investing in those precious girls! We are making a difference TOGETHER!

  7. Sounds refreshing. It’s a book I want my daughter (and her hubby) to read who is/are now raising two young girls and two boys too. I want to read it to encourage those in my realm who are raising young girls so that they too can have the proper “God perspective” of who we really are. Thanks for the giveaway. Whoever wins will be blessed.

  8. I love this. I know this issue must be addressed differently than it generally is n Christianity. I think more teens/people are pushed away from purity or driven to secret guilt and shame because of how it has been misconstrued. I’m eager to hear a fresh, grace-based perspective on purity.

  9. I’m in! Perfect timing as we have been seeking the Lord for a resource like this book to share with our daughter. Thank you!!!!

  10. I’m so glad someone has written a book like this one. .. . . . . . we, in the church, shy away from the topic of sex — and accepting those who have sinned in that area — we all sin, this sin is not any less or more a sin. A sin is a sin!! Recently our church had a sermon series on the Song of Solomon — the first I’ve ever heard on that book of the Bible. It was great for my teen girls — in fact, when my now 16 year old thought about it, she said, “Mom, I realized that between home, youth group & with my friends – we talk about sex at home more than anywhere!” Score one for this family . . . . . . I loved it!! I want my teen girls to know their worth is in Christ — even when they make bad choices — HE still loves them & so do their dad & I!!

  11. I’m in! My husband and I minister to a small youth group and are facing teen girls who have been sexually abused and molested. It’s such a touchy subject in our culture, but I believe these young women need to know they are not alone, that their worth is not in what they have or have not done….that they are valued.

    1. The book paired with relationships like you mentioned are what makes girls know they are so loved and cared about… and that’s what fuels healing and good decisions. Thanks for loving these kids.

  12. Cynthia Cochran says:

    I have 3 daughters, 32, 26 & 6 years old. I was molested by several family members growing up and for all of my daughters lives I’ve made it a point to discuss the subject of someone touching them and making them feel uncomfortable. I started mentioning it around the age of 4 because I feel at that age they can be told not to let anyone touch their private parts and they can relate to what I’m saying, I also do this during bath time because it seems like a good time to bring it up. I personally think that the answer to the question of if the church is successful in comminicating to our young women their self worth. It actually depends on the type of church and who is relaying that information to these young women. We have a lot of adult women in the church that don’t realize their self worth and I really can’t imagine them trying to relay that information to these young women. I think it’s the parents job first and foremost to communicate this to them. I have seen churches that point the finger and try to make the young victims feel like it’s their fault, which is why a lot of them withdraw like Bekah did. Whenever I run into a young woman that doesn’t appear to realize her self worth, I take it upon myself to try to relay the information to her. The sad thing about this is we even have some parents that’s in the same situation so if they have no idea of their self worth, how can they teach something to their daughters that they aren’t aware of themselves, especially in a time when sex and being sexy is advertised just as much as candy.

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      So much truth, friend! Thanks!

  13. I lead the girls ministry at my church, and this is a perspective our girls need to hear. Thank you for sharing this story and book on your site.

  14. Breeyan Sloan says:

    I’m In! I was just praying about this this morning! I have two daughters, six and nine. One is already boy crazy and my heart is just so fearful that I won’t be able to convey the message correctly… I don’t have a good example to draw from and just don’t want my sweet girls to ever feel less than they are because of decisions that are made. Thank you, Bekah for writing on such a relevant topic for so many of us!

    1. Thank you, Breeyan… what a blessing to meet you. I hope the book is such a resource from all the women who contributed their stories…

  15. Beth Turner says:

    I’m in! Much needed book..for me AND my daughter!!!

  16. Ana Fernandez says:

    I’m in. Thank you!

  17. I’M IN. thank you for stating that we don’t create our purity–it comes from God… & …..reminding girls that no matter what, they can be purified.

  18. Latoshia Jordan says:

    I wish I could have had these truths growing up. This week my girls and I are experiencing Camp Girl Talk at our church but as I prayed today for the girls God continues to reveal the little girl in me who keeps remembering the abuse of my past. It’s as if I keep trying to undo it. I pray for my girls15, 12,8 for the protection of God to cover them. If I win this book I pray it will help me move beyond this and cultivate my girls an any girl that may encounter this.

  19. I am in! I have a 10 year old girl and I want to be equipped to talk to her about her body.

  20. I’m in as a mother of three girls, I need all the help I can get.

  21. My daughter was molested by her father (my ex) and we have always been part of a church organization and he had her brainwashed into thinking it was ok. Now she is hitting those dating years and I have tried to instill in her that she is worthy and I think this book would really help her.

    1. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Praying she can find healing and hope through talking to those she trusts… that’s what helped me.

  22. I’m in! Father, forgive me for speaking words that were interpreted as condemnation. Thank You for continuing Your work in my life, softening my speech, and redeeming what sounded critical.

    In my zeal, I probably was one of those who made people feel “less than”. Thankfully, God showered His love into me & has given me opportunity to enter into friendships, walking through the “hard” and letting God love them through me. Thanks so much for bringing “purity” into the light!

  23. Thank you for the opportunity to enter this giveaway. As mothers and grandmothers we all need every resource to help us guide the young girls in our lives. Blessings!

  24. I’m in! Thank you so much for sharing this resource. I have 5 daughters who I would love to have read this book and better understand their value and the amazing grace of our Savior.

  25. Thank you for the opportunity to win this book. I have 4 granddaughters in which I’ll be able to share this book and information with. I also have a dear friend whose daughter was raped at the age of 13. Maybe there is something in the book that will be encouraging for her also.

  26. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for doing this giveaway. This books message is much-needed and I would love having it to share with my girls and the girls I minister to!

  27. I’m in! While my daughter is on the young side for this now, I know how important this could be later. And I do have a sister who just graduated high school and could learn a lot from this book

  28. Kristin C. says:

    As a mother of an 11-year-old girl, I am definitely “in”! Thank you for your passion, resources, and willingness to help all of us guide our daughters toward the wonderful plans God has for them.

  29. Wendi Shelton-Mathis says:

    I am so in! Praise the Lord!

  30. Cyndi Jacobs says:

    I’m in! Would love this for my daughter!

  31. I would love to read this book.

  32. I’m in! I’m not sure how I ended up on this page today, but I know everything happens for a reason. I have a 16 yr old daughter that has a hard time talking with me about this subject. This book maybe just what we both need. Be Blessed!

  33. I have 2 girls, one 10 and one 6, and I am terrified for them as they face all that is out there these days. It was hard enough to keep my sense of who I was in God when I was a teen in the 1990’s. I can’t imagine being a teen in the days of facebook, twitter, instagram, and text messages and pictures. I treasure any resources that can help me understand that while God wants them to make choices that are in line with His plan for them, He will not cast them away for making mistakes – sexual or otherwise. This sounds like a great book!

  34. I have a daughter who turned 16 today, a 13 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. This is an almost daily topic in our house. I am trying to use very resource I can find to help my husband and I navigate this topic with or kids. We are also both teachers and active with our teens at church. I would love to receive a copy of this book! Thank you for showcasing it as I will read it whether I win a copy or not!

  35. Lisa Buchman says:

    I’m In! This is such a valuable message for the young ladies we are raising! Life happens and circumstances are beyond our control. To me it is more important to teach about the everlasting Love and Forgiveness that God offers to us than anything. Self respect, self value and love. This is what we should be focusing on.

  36. I’m in. As a Pastor’s wife, I would love to have this resource for our teen/tween girls.

  37. Sally Hernandez says:

    I’m in. My daughter’s 7, but I know its never too early!

  38. I would love to enter! I didn’t see a link to enter, is there one?

  39. I’m in! Mother of a 14 year old girl and 3 younger sons who need to learn a girls value as well

  40. I’m in. Thank you!

  41. I’m in.
    Thanks for promoting this book. As a youth group volunteer this is a topic that’s difficult to know how to address properly.

  42. Sounds like a great resource to start bridging those topics coming up w/ my growing girl! Thanks for the entry!

  43. Oh my. These words! My struggle with being unpure, not from my own decisions, but my molesters decision…it haunted me for years! It is so important for girls who have been abused…or who have made choices out of peer pressure or feelings of inadequacy or any other reason, can know this truth! That purity is available to everyone, that God’s grace doesn’t exclude them! Thank you for your words!!

  44. Stephanie says:

    I was also molested by a family member at a young age-4 to 5 years old , then molested by a priest at our church as a teen , then ended up being trafiked into the sex industry by 17…Later to be raped numerous times & beaten by my ex!He forced me into prostituion with drug dealers & I began to use drugs too simply to numb the pain or try to forget…Eventually it became a lifestyle as I never knew I had a choice because I was never GIVEN a choice!Over the past 3 years I became a Christian (found out about Jesus) & learned I HAVE A CHOICE & A VOICE!God has been slowly transforming me teaching me that even after a LIFETIME of sexual trauma that I can STILL be purified & FEEL pure!Which I am STILL very new at & need ALL the help I can get!I wish I could win the give away for that book!

  45. I’m in. sounds like a great book!

  46. Sounds like a great resource for any Mom and/or your youth leader to have.

  47. I’m in! This sounds like a very useful book!!!

  48. I’m in… I have to read this book!!! Having believed these lies in my own past I fully believe in what you are saying, once I really trusted in God’s mercy. I now have a struggling 16/year old girl that I am absolutely trying to communicate these truths to and it is soooo hard. Thank you for the great resource!

  49. I’m in!
    I think our world encourages so much impurity- I pray that I can help my daughters see past the surface and understand God’s plan for them. I need all the great resources I can access to help guide them!

  50. nancys1128 says:

    As the mother of a 12 year old girl, I am definitely in.

  51. As someone who was also abused as a child and had similar feelings about this, I so appreciate this perspective. I once told a friend that I felt like a medicine bottle with a broken tamper-evident seal that no one would ever want. I believed that I was already damaged and impure and there was nothing that could be done about that, so why bother trying to live as if I were pure when I felt I could never be so? Thank you for helping people to understand grace and purity from a practical and more Christ-like perspective. This would have saved me from so many years of depression and mistakes!

  52. Elisha Brady says:

    I’m In. I have a 14 year old daughter about to enter high school (all girls),
    And while she has not shown interest in the opposite sex at this stage; at the age of 8 I presented
    Her with a book all about her changing body, emotions, sex, drugs, rape, abuse..etc!
    After reading the book we discusssed it in detail. When she began her womanly cycle we again
    read and discussed the book in detail. I feel it is very important in today’s society to gleam as much
    knowledge as possible about spiritual & moral decisions. I would love to have this book to discuss with
    my teenager.

  53. Tracie Canada says:

    I began very early discussing the importance of staying pure from my mistakes. I became a role model (single parent) for my children, hoping they would see the importance of being married before having sex and the fact my parents never spoke on this topic. Now, both of my children, girl (18) and boy (16) have grown up and the conversations have become more in depth about staying pure for their spouse and the importance. I still talk about purity, but not as much as when they were younger. As they would say, “We get it, mom.” It does scare me that my children may want to follow the crowds instead of the cross.

  54. Gayle LeBlanc says:

    I love this Idea and book. My Granddaughter will be a mature 12 this spring.

  55. I’m in! I am a newlywed and have been seeing a psychologist to help me understand and work through some parts of my life before Jesus, and much of it relates to this topic. Though it seems terrifying right now, I hope that what I learn and grow through will help me when it comes to our own daughters if we have any and help them in ways I only wish I could have known way back when. Thank you for writing this book; I’m looking forward to reading it!

  56. Angela Grubaugh says:

    I would love to have this book also. As a mother of 3 daughters ages 13-16 it would be a great resource. Thank you for the opportunity to win!

  57. As the mother of 3 young girls, I am in! I feel I am going to need all the help I can get 🙂

  58. I’m in! I have been a high school girls small group leader for the last 6 years and am always looking for resources to use to help break down the lies they believe about dating, relationships, sex, etc and so desire to see them know that He loves them, they are valued and their identity is not in their past.

  59. I’m in! I need help with my daughters. My oldest just doesn’t seem to get it. I have 2 boys in the house and I need her to understand so she can help protect her brothers.

  60. I’m in! I have four daughters – 12, 10, 8, and 4. Thanks for the chance.

  61. Belinda Young says:

    I’m in!

    This would be great for our young girls program at church.


  62. I’m In. Can’t wait to share this with the teen ladies in my life!

  63. WOW! Definitely in! I am just now figuring out that God is my “Happily Ever After” and the standard for any earthly love. My struggle has been emotional and not knowing how to make genuine friendships. I can’t even imagine the pain of abuse or rape. God’s grace is sufficient. I can’t wait for the Prince of Peace to come on his white horse and sweep me off my feet 🙂

  64. Christie D. says:

    I’m In! I hope to read your book. I have 2 girls, 12 and 16 and praying earniestly for their hearts to learn this lesson well and live it !! Thank you for what looks like an amazing resource,!!

  65. Stephanie Sobottke says:

    I’m in!

  66. I am in! Sounds like something I would love to read with my almost 13 year old!

  67. I’m in! Being sexually abuse growing up I understand what it feels like to think you are unworthy. I didn’t have anyone who was supportive and didn’t have God in my life then either. Now I have teen girls of my own as well as teaching a 6th-12th grade youth girls group at my church. I think this book is a wonderful way to help them see just how beautiful and loved they are. Thank you!

  68. I’m in! As a mother of 3 girls, I have already seen how needed this is!

  69. I’m in… I could use all the help I can get

  70. Sherri Smith says:

    I’m in! Would love to have this book for my almost 14 yr old daughter.

  71. I`m in ! I adopted my niece when she was 6 yrs old . At the age of 3 yrs old she and her were both molested many times by some older cousins and neighborhood boys . Imagine the damage , and then to hear that she was no good when she tried to do youth group ! Needless to say she dropped out . She is now in her 20`s and a Mom herself . We have been through a lot and she still suffers from low self esteem . I wish I had your book to give her when she was younger , I hope everyone who hears about it reads it ! Thanks .

  72. I am in! I have three girls and the oldest is 9.

  73. Count me in! I teach a lot on this topic in our church, school & community. This is a great additional resource I can use and reference young ladies (including my daughters) to! God bless you!

  74. I have 4 daughters, and while I hope and pray and teach them to make God-honoring choices about guys, I also never want them to feel worthless if they do make unwise choices. This book sounds like an excellent grace-based resource!

  75. I am in. I’m a youth leader and have also been sexually abused.
    I struggle in how to teach self worth and dating and everything else to the girls I mentor.
    This book definitely seems like it would help.

  76. Julie Bennett says:

    I’m so in. I have a 13yo daughter whom we adopted not even a year ago. She has been in some pretty rough places and has a really messed up view on men, relationships, an physical relationships. She has eluded to potential sexual abuse in a previous home; but we (family and counselor) don’t know if it’s true or just part of her created story to make the real trauma she has endured “better” / more understandable. She has grown up believing herself to be trash – completely able to be thrown away (and she was on more than one occasion) when no longer wanted.
    I am totally out of my element in being able to help her. This book sounds like a great resource for the both of us. Thank you for the opportunity.

  77. As I am raising my 7 yr old granddaughter, I am definitely in for this approach of teaching “purity”!

  78. Cristen B says:

    I’m in! Thank you

  79. Abby Kinsey says:

    I may be late, but I’m in!

  80. I’m in. What a wonderful message for today’s girls.

  81. Leslie D. says:

    I’m in! This would be so great for me and my daughter to share!

  82. I’m in – I’m currently taking girls through these kinds of discussions – I need this resource!!

  83. I’m in! This is great food for thought. I help facilitate a support groups for sexual abuse and I’m sure this will enrich what we discuss. Thank you!

  84. Eva Klassen Peters says:

    I am def in i wanna read this book and i want and extra copy for my church library 🙂

  85. I’m in – have a very soon to be 15 year old! Always on the look-out for a good solid read based on the Word!

  86. I’m In!!! As a teenager myself, I know personally how hard it is to stay pure and find your worth in Christ when other girls my age are finding their worth in guys. Sadly, purity has become unimportant to many. Another thing that belittles girl’s worth is all the TV shows and magazines. I know a lot of times after watching shows where people aren’t acting purely makes me think it’s okay or cool too, even though it’s not.
    I would absolutely love to win and read this book!! Thanks!

  87. As a mother of a 19 year old with self confidence issues and no father in her life, this book would be blessing for her. Thank you! God bless you many times over!

  88. I’m in! This looks like fascinating reading as a mother of a 15 year old girl.

  89. Timairah S. says:

    I am 19, I don’t have a daughter but I do really need this book for myself….I need to know more about purity, and about the “not feeling pure thing” I completely understand from experiance….Forced and self inflicted.

    In the 5th grade I was mollested…the only thing that kept me from getting raped was the fact this boy didn’t quite no how to insert…It was against the wall in my locked 5th grade classroom. They were 7 minutes of hell, 30 people plus the teacher was on the other side of the wall, only worried about why the door was locked…I couldn’t scream

    It took me about 4 years after that to even look at boys again, I knew it really hurt me when I developed a crush on my FEMALE best friend in middle school, I couldn’t live like that so I got help.

    now 9 years later I still deal with physical pain because of it and some emotional pain along with other things…but I won’t go into detail of my life story.

    Now I’m 19, and I have been dating the same guy for 3 years, he is another virgin and we want to wait…but hormones and the fact we love each other has been threatening to take waiting out of the picture. We haven’t made love but we also haven’t been the most pure….and I can’t say that I regret it but that we don’t want to hurt God anymore. We both still have that dream of the beautiful and pure wedding night. Every person I have tried to talk to either judged me or called me stupid for having hormones and a love at this age. Maybe one or two people has actually counseled me and him instead of downing. I thank God I feel a change and me in his relationship and we are getting more and more strength to resist!!! But now that I am feeling stronger I need more tools! This book sounds amazing but I don’t have any money…..

    1. Lynn Cowell says:

      Timairah, thank you so much for sharing your story. You have been through a lot! I love your heart to honor God in your dating relationship now. I have shared your comment with Bekah so she can reply directly to you!

  90. Thank you for sharing this article. I look forward to reading this book. Definitely things for me to think about as a woman who struggled with “purity” issues and a mother who prays her children remain “pure.” Amy

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