I’ll admit. I’ve got something in common with Abraham; I’m a deceiver too.
I would have never, ever believed it; until God nailed me one day in my garden.
Returning home from a short errand, I opened our garage door to find my husband’s car still home. I had hoped he would be gone; off to a men’s meeting at church. But he wasn’t. He was doing what needed to be done, and honestly, recharging after a long week through his yard work.
We met in the garage; he smiling; me faking it. “Hi honey!” Immediately, he saw it.
“You’re mad at me.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Really, I’m not.”
“You’re mad because I didn’t go to church.”
Embarrassed that he could see my disappointment, I tried one more time, “I am not.”
Tired of “playing my games”, he left with his weed eater. I headed to the garden. As I overturned the dirt in the soil, the Lord overturned the dirt in my heart. “You’re a liar, Lynn.” It stabbed like a knife. Honesty has always been important to me. I couldn’t be a liar! “You just lied and often lie to Greg about how you feel. Go make it right.”
I stayed on my knees in the dirt for awhile. Not praying. I only wish. I stayed down out of pride; not wanting to admit what was true. Trying to use deception as protection.
I have that in common with Abraham. I’m a deceiver too. Afraid the Egyptians would kill him for his wife, he told a lie. (Genesis 12:10 – 20) Me: I’m afraid truth will kill my relationships, so I hide.
I did finally get out of that dirt that day, follow the noise of the weed eater and apologize. It was so embarrassing, but felt better than God’s hand on my back.
I wish I could say I got over it, but that too would be a lie. I still struggle not to hide the fact that squirrels have damaged our attic, our taxes lie in a mess on my office floor or other issues that I know will cause my husband stress. I use deception as a protection. That’s not my Father’s way and He is teaching me honesty.
Psalm 36:9 tells us “For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.”
Jesus, I’ve got a whole day to practice living in the light today. Help me not to fear my troubles or try to carry loads that are meant to be shared. Help. Amen